Why is my hubby so against cleaning?

My hubby and I are moving out of our apartment within the week, so I have been working like mad to get the apartment cleaned up. I have made a check list and placed it on the fridge so that as we complete things that need to be done, we can check them off. My husband has been totally ignoring the list. I've asked him a few times to do certain tasks, but he won't do it he just says that it's good enough.

I'm starting to get frustrated because when we got married we never really agreed on who does which chores except that he would do the laundry, and I would do the folding. So it started off with him doing the laundry and me doing everything else, and now he has stopped doing the laundry as well. Every time I call him on something, or ask him to clean something up he never does. Since he doesn't do anything when I ask him to I've tried being passive aggressive and leaving the washroom or something until he'll notice it's dirty and clean it up, but it seems that he never notices so I end up cleaning it anyways.

He hasn't vacuumed, mopped a floor, dusted, cleaned a bathroom or anything else in about 4 months. I have allergies, so I am quite a neat freak and do have high standards of cleanliness, but it's either that or I can't breath.

Sorry for the long rant, I just had to get the 'anger' out of me before I go talk to my hubby again. I don't want to freak out at him, but I'm going to try explaining again why we have to clean up the apartment for the next tenant if we want to get our damage deposit back. Maybe I'll be able to at least convince him to clean all the light fixtures, then I won't have to deal with all the dead bugs.

He doesn't do it because cleaning isn't really the most pleasant thing to do and because he knows you'll still do it. I think you both should come up with a schedule and stick to it. It's not fair to you.

I would go on strike everyone has a tipping point. Eventually hell get the message and get off his duff.

I have the exact same problem with my fiance... except that when i tell him it is important to be clean, he just says he wouldn't care if he lived in a pigsty...

It really does suck... especially when you have allergies! Plus we live with his dad and his girlfriend, and they want it extra clean, so whenever something isn't clean i am the one who gets told to do it so i can't leave it and make him see what it is like to live in such an aweful envirnoment...

I totally agree with SimplyElegant a cleaning plan would be awsome...

When we get our own apartment in the spring, i am going to look for places with tile flooring, bring in a whole load of dirt, and mud and spill in everywhere for a day, and make him sit in it, then clean it up... cus im getting so sick of this

we women are not maids, we have jobs to and if we have kids on top of that... you maybe shoulkd have a sit down with that hubby, and tell him face to face how important that is to you. and don't let him leave the discussion until he understands how important it is for the house to be clean

(sorry about my long rant as well, it just makes me so ANGRY to hear of these filthy lazy @ss men making hard working women do the maidwork!)

i so feel your pain. over summer i lived with my boyfriend, and his house was so dirty! he lives with four other guys and they hardly ever clean, or when they do, they get really arsey about it and be all like, "well i cleaned yesterday so you should clean today!" men really don't have that sort of general everyone cleans sort of attitude. it would mean the house would go from being dirty and gross to shiny and clean and then dirty and gross within a matter of hours. no one cleaned as they went along.

i think it's just what men do though, by default. but if you tell your husband you're unhappy with how things are he might change. make your list into an actual rota with days you want the jobs done by, and make it equal so he doesn't feel like you're lumbering him.

Explain to him that your not doing it and if you don't get your deposit back its his fault!! Guys perk up when you talk money! Lol. After decades of training.... I help around the house a lot and always clean up after my self... But my wife still is always chasing me off and saying "don't do my work... You have your own to do".

You should definitely talk to your hubby and let him know how you feel about him not helping you with the chores and how its not fair on you doing it all yourself.... Speak to him about the cleaning plan and see what he thinks...

I am glad that my hubby helps alot around the house... So we dont bother having a plan in place...

I know exactly how you feel! Me and my bf are in the process of moving as well, this weekend actually and he hasn't packed A THING, I've done it all as well as all of the cleaning.

When I moved in with him we decided that he would do the outside work and I would do the inside but we were renting so all he did was mowed the front yard and that was it so I do everything basically, it takes a lot of pushing for him to do anything, if I don't ask him to do something then he'll 'forget' (like taking out the trash).

I'm REALLY hoping that since we just bought a house together that he will appreciate it a little more and actually want to help keep it nice.

My advice is try to talk to him about it again and explain why keeping the house clean is important to you and maybe set up some kind of a chore list and come up with consequences maybe for not doing them? lol it's like having a kid. I'm still trying to come up with something myself lol.

The only thing I can add to the good advice you are getting is this - he is not helping around the house because he does not have to. He knows that you will eventually clean, so what's the big deal?

It's hard when it's one way or the other. I am fortunate that neither of us are total clean freaks and when stuff needs to be done he always helps if I ask him. I would talk to him, make a schedule you can both live with and do your best to stick to it. See what he thinks of it...

The only thing my husband does is take out the trash and take care of our dogs. He does handle all the car stuff but that's bc he knows more about it than I do or I would handle it too. I don't really have a problem with doing all the cleaning as I'm a control freak. I want it done my way and the only thing I ask is that he stays out of it. That's where our problems come in. I like to have our area (as I live with my in laws) with no one bothering me and being able to blast my music away. I can't stand having to work around him while he's laying on the bed watching tv. If I'm busy, you should be too or get out of my sight.

On purpose, I'll let the trash build up since that's his only assigned chore and I refuse to do it. He'll try and pull the whole "you could taken it out if you saw it was full" and I'll tell him "well then, what would you do?"

My last problem is he does not clean up after himself properly or put stuff where it originally was. That really irks me.

This is making me not want to marry guys LOL...are all men like this? I know my stepdad is and my mama doesmnt make him do shit she makes me do everything

ugh that would annoy me too!

this thread is making me so happy i'm single, I'm responsible for my own cleaning, and i live with 2 other girls so we have no real issues with that stuff...

I think I'd just do my own washing, own folding etc, and when he runs out of clothes, you can say, "but you don't like cleaning - I like clean clothes, so I washed mine"

ETA - I know my reaction is somewhat juvenile, I think I'm just sick of men's stupidity and selfishness, present company excepted of course!

Originally Posted by TwinkletOes26 /img/forum/go_quote.gif This is making me not want to marry guys LOL...are all men like this? I know my stepdad is and my mama doesmnt make him do shit she makes me do everything Thank goodness no. My coworker does just as much around the house as his wife. He jokes that he's been "trained" lol. My dad is very much the opposite too. He cleans, does laundry, cooks, works on the house, works on the cars, mops, whatever needs to be he'll do it. My mom and him take turns as they work different shifts.
My dad even does all the errands, buying groceries with my mom's clipped coupons lol and paying the bills on the way. He even knows employees by name at where he shops regularly.

awww Adrienne that's cute!

Originally Posted by TwinkletOes26 /img/forum/go_quote.gif This is making me not want to marry guys LOL...are all men like this? Nope, depends on the man. There is hope

My ex-husband would complain that I would leave dishes in the sink. Now, everytime I come over the sink is full and his ALL of his dirty drawers are on the floor in his bathroom. He can't even bother to put them in the hamper 3 ft away. I used to pay for his maid ($60 every 2 weeks), when we were married. He always has my son's clean clothes piled on his bed bc he's too lazy to fold them and everytime I come over, I can't help but to do it.

My bf is completely opposite. Sometimes, he will throw the trash without it being completely full (I get onto him about that sometimes). It probably has something to do with zodiac. My ex-husband is a dragon (i think) and bf is a horse so he works hard, physically, all day, everyday.

Men are lazy?? lol

I have a good friend who is a total neat freak. One time he crashed at my place after a night of drinking and when I woke up and went downstairs he had vacuumed and was doing the dishes. There are totally guys out their who take pride in having a tidy house.

Things are better with the apartment. I finally called it quits and told him that whatever was left to clean was his job. He said it was good enough, but then the landlady came and did the walkthrough and gave him a list of stuff he had to do. He finished the clean up and we got back our damage deposit. Yay!

I guess I'll just have to learn to accept that he doesn't have the same standards that I do.