Ok heres my relationship rant turned into a life one i guess

Sometimes i just feel like he wants nothing to do with me it annoys the hell out of me f im so stupid self consious annoying f my f ing life

i cant control it i cant control my self i cant control anything everything is out of my grasp its not fair its my life right why cant i control anymoer then i can controll the rain

why in the hell why why why why f me he should be with some one else i have caused nothing but f ng bull shit for him just like i have for everyone else his life was better before me and everything has happened so far is bc of me

We're in fincial crisis bc of my lazy self didnt go look for a job constantly

we lived in a tent bc of my aunt hitting me i shouldnt have let her hit me i moved with my aunt bc i let my mom abuse me i should saved all my money to move out

i ****ed up school bc i got sick and now im screwed there now im making all the money im so afraid of ****ing up

Now this is happening to me i copy and pasted it from my fb)

so it started out as a sore throat moved on up to me coughing up mucus and then coughing up mucus with blood in it to me bleeding out my nose to me having a spit/throw up of blood mucus junk to me having more blood then mucus when i cough it up oh the joy

and he wants me to go to the dr for it but im afraid i do thats more money wasted on me what if its nothing

on top of that i have had really bad headaches since i was 15 and its hard to get rid of them

its like theres always a constant issue with sometimes i wonder did my mom really abuse me or did i deserve did i deserve to get hit by my aunt did i deserve all these head aches and constantly getting sick do i deserve everything bad thats ever happened to me

Hell its like there was a perfect mobile home on 2 acres for $28,000 and you know what happened it was sold we could have had it but no now we have to go to an apt

sometimes i just feel like theres a black cloud over me

I'm so insucure im fat ugly my ass looks horrible i onyl see my 36Gs as my only good thing about me

I'm only 19! i just graduated highschool last may ive managed to leave my abusive house move in with my friend which didnt work had to move with my aunt who ended up hitting me into living in a tent with my bf who left his bff nice comfortable house with his bff loosing my job bc my mom buying a car fully paid off with my graduation money building a 8ftx16ft house that leeks to having going to school getting kicked out bc i missed 2 days due to food poisining $1000+income taxes that got taken away buy things we needed bad to moving into an apt now i work at a daycare that adds to the stress level headaches getting worse and bleeding almost out of every hole but my ears and anus and belly button

this all takes place since last april

i wanna scream kick punch cry jump off a bridge kill my self live be happy not have so much stress

i want people to understand i dont have the luxery to look nice everyday i dont have really anywhere to do my hair or makeup its a pain in the ass i can only take a 5 min shower so my hair doesnt look clean

i can shave all the time i cant buy new clothes or keep my shoes clean bc i have to walk through mud

my clothes shrink bc washer and dryer are f ed

i explain this over and over and over no one understands now im barely gonna be living

i dont know what to do....................

Sounds like you got a lot of issues you're trying to deal with. Sometimes venting is just what you need to do.

But i think the big thing right now the most important thing is taking stock of where you are at.

Do you have a job? income coming in?

A place to stay?

From there everything else follows. your relationship, your life goals. good luck

Originally Posted by Darla /img/forum/go_quote.gif Sounds like you got a lot of issues you're trying to deal with. Sometimes venting is just what you need to do.
But i think the big thing right now the most important thing is taking stock of where you are at.

Do you have a job? income coming in?

A place to stay?

From there everything else follows. your relationship, your life goals. good luck

job yes i work at a daycare income we both work

house i built that leaks leaving on the 12th into an apt

I agree with Darla. It seems you have alot of things you need to settle on your own before you get into a relationship and have to deal with another person.

Originally Posted by emily_3383 /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with Darla. It seems you have alot of things you need to settle on your own before you get into a relationship and have to deal with another person. well everything that i have and have done is with himi wouldnt have gotten out of my aunts house with out him

i wouldnt have gotten my car with out him

built my house

finally felt like i had a reall home

finally had someone that trys to help me not to blame my self its just so confusing and i know hes thinking the same thing sometimes

its kinda if were together were happy at least in one aspect were apart were not happy with anything

you know you can't help who you wall in love with. You may feel like you got personal issues, but perhaps he sees something in you. and that is why he wants to be with you and sees a real future for the two of you. You might ask him that.

I was in a bit of a hurry before so let me add to what i said. Up there with a source of income = independence is your health. You really need to look after that because as you have seen things happening health wise can have a big impact on you. Do you smoke? (nasty habit and very expensive), as can alcohol or drugs. I'm not being preachy here just practical. You gotta ask yourself these questions.

I know some people a lot older than you and some in particular had it a lot worse than you and they overcame it and are a much better person for it today. I have a lot of respect for people who have faced adversity and overcome it. I guess its because for me everything was relatively easy.

i dont smoke or drink

i just started at the daycare now im looking into getting a second job and selling pure romance thanks for yalls help im kinda calming down

Originally Posted by MomentoMoir /img/forum/go_quote.gif i dont smoke or drink i just started at the daycare now im looking into getting a second job and selling pure romance thanks for yalls help im kinda calming down

sometimes just venting is helpful.
ok i'll bite what is pure romance?

Originally Posted by Darla /img/forum/go_quote.gif sometimes just venting is helpful.
ok i'll bit what is pure romance?

Pure romance is something to help women We sell sex toys women's health product and bedroom apparel and other things

its like pampered chef, mary kay or avon

and at the parties we discuss womens health

Originally Posted by MomentoMoir /img/forum/go_quote.gif well everything that i have and have done is with himi wouldnt have gotten out of my aunts house with out him

i wouldnt have gotten my car with out him

built my house

finally felt like i had a reall home

finally had someone that trys to help me not to blame my self its just so confusing and i know hes thinking the same thing sometimes

its kinda if were together were happy at least in one aspect were apart were not happy with anything

I guess he is a positive influence but I kind of meant that maybe you are just going through the motions of life. It seems like you are trying so just hang in there and keep pushing forward.

Originally Posted by MomentoMoir /img/forum/go_quote.gif well everything that i have and have done is with him This makes me afraid for you. When you build your whole life around one person and don't allow yourself any individuality you will find yourself severely let down when things don't go right with that one person. You have built your life around him and it will be very painful for you to find your whole life is crushed because you two go sour. If you start concentrating on building individuality within love you will get stronger together.

Originally Posted by Dalylah /img/forum/go_quote.gif This makes me afraid for you. When you build your whole life around one person and don't allow yourself any individuality you will find yourself severely let down when things don't go right with that one person. You have built your life around him and it will be very painful for you to find your whole life is crushed because you two go sour. If you start concentrating on building individuality within love you will get stronger together. i can see what you but everything ive done like get a house car and that was to have a better life with himme doing pure romance is to better myself as a women and is my money only just like his pc buisness money he makes from it is his money

and our full time jobs is money for us

I think that more than anything, I would be most concerned about my health if I were you.

Throwing up blood "might be nothing"?!

you need to get that looked at.

Maybe I'm not reading this right since your post is a little bit difficult to understand, but I also think you could look into getting some antidepressants or some stress relief medication, it sounds like they could help.

Please don't take my comments wrong. They aren't an accusation, merely a reflection on what I learned through my own mistakes. I think it is wonderful that you are potentially starting up your own thing. I also agree with Rosie's post. It sounds like you need an outlet, not just him.

If you have the physical symptoms that you say you do, you should definitely visit the doctor. Make sure you are ok. Getting your health stable will lessen your stress and ensure your longevity.

Originally Posted by pinksugar /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think that more than anything, I would be most concerned about my health if I were you.
Throwing up blood "might be nothing"?!

you need to get that looked at.

Maybe I'm not reading this right since your post is a little bit difficult to understand, but I also think you could look into getting some antidepressants or some stress relief medication, it sounds like they could help.

i come from a family were my mom said i was always faking it that its all in my head and shit like that
hell i ran away from home one time from the abuse and they put in a mental hospital saying its all in my head iwas like ok thats why i have bruises

but they put me on all this medication bc i was extremely moody one time out of the month..... *facepalm doctors* and all the medicine did was ruin my perfect body i was a size 0 in two months bam a size 9!!!

i think im all messed up emotionally bc of my mom and pills that i didnt need

my moms so bad after i left my house she started stalking me online on my fb myspace my other forum everywhere i went online and se print screen what i say take it out of context and post it in a email and email it to my family trying to get my family to hate me

but she hates my bf shes never really met him. she hates him bc he got me away from her contril she tells my sis hes using me for sex what kinda a guy lives in a tent with a girl for 3 months 115f weather in texas when he could have just let me live there while he lived in his friends house why would he be with for almost a year when he can have any girl he wants trust ive seen the girls he dated and i would have dated them too

if that is the case then you need to return to the doctor and ask about alternative medications.

I speak from personal experience - depression is a serious condition and it's important that you find a medication that works for you.

Like you say, it's often not taken seriously - but it sounds to me like at the very least, you could do with speaking to a councilor or psychologist to work through your issues and move on with your life - you can't let horrible things that have happened in your past continue to affect you, because it's not best for YOU.

We all suffer blows in life - things that we didn't want to happen, but you have a loving, supportive boyfriend, you have a job, you have a house. Sure, you have problems, but who doesn't?

None of the problems you have are unsolvable, it sounds like you feel negative about everything in your life at the moment because of depression.

Sometimes we don't realise how depressed we actually are until we seek help and use medication - I certainly didn't realise how gloomy and negative I was until after I'd started taking antidepressants.

I hope you are able to speak to SOMEONE who can help you break out of the negative rut that you're in, you deserve to be happy, and you need to resolve your issues with your mum and your auntie to do that.

Good luck

I just gotta say it's hard for me to hear that you've suffered abuse throughout your childhood. Of a lot of things in life that's the issue I have the biggest problem with. I'm relieved you have found your way out the abuse and have made some steps forward. You seem to have a few things going for you right now, a job, an apt and a car. With some time, patience, determination and maybe even support outside of your boyfriend, you can get to where you want to be and independently. It's not always the practical path to take when you're doing things for us, as opposed to what's best for yourself. You really need to focus on what you need and what you want. What it is that's gonna make you happy and get you somewhere. How are you to do this though? Well, I do believe in setting aside an emergency fund. If I stand correct, you are both paying your parts on rent, etc... and if things don't work out you need to have a back up plan to get you a place of your own.

As far as your health goes, I agree with the ladies that it's very important you see a Dr. Also, I know the children may give you a hard time at daycare so in the mean time maybe you can look for another job and eventually leave that one. You don't need to be working with children if you feel this way. It's best for you and the children.

Why do you say he should be with someone else and that you feel he doesn't want anything to do with you?

I say that bc i hate myself sometimes im extremely judgemental when it comes to me even though he says he has a list of things he wants the number one thing on his list he thought he would never get and thats a girl like me

he knows i hate my weight so he tells me what exercises todo to fix them like today he bought me a waist band thing i can wear at work and sweat off the weight

GOOD NEWS I found out whats wrong hint of broncitus, possible strep throat, congestion sinues and stress caused nose bleed so i got all meds and i should be fine like i said it was no big deal lol

So im defentaly looking for a new job its a bunch of bull shit at my aunts daycare

Originally Posted by pinksugar /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think that more than anything, I would be most concerned about my health if I were you.
Throwing up blood "might be nothing"?!

you need to get that looked at.

Maybe I'm not reading this right since your post is a little bit difficult to understand, but I also think you could look into getting some antidepressants or some stress relief medication, it sounds like they could help.

I agree with you.

I agree with everyone else that you should see a doctor to talk and help deal with your problems. If you don't, it's just going to haunt you for the rest of your life.