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I Watched 146 Minutes of Sex and the City 2 and All I Got Was This Religious Fundamen

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I thought this was kind of funny. I take it the reviewer did not like the movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Film

Burkas and Birkins

 

I Watched 146 Minutes of Sex and the City 2 and All I Got Was This Religious Fundamentalism

 

by Lindy West

sexcity2.jpg Craig Blankenhorn

SEX AND THE CITY 2 YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP AYP BOCK BOCK YAP YAP HEW HAW ZZZZZZZZZ.

 

 

 

Sex and the City 2

dir. Michael Patrick King

Showtimes »

 

 

We've been thinking it for two long years. All of us. Gnawing our cheeks at night, clutching at sweaty sheets, our faces hollow and gray, our once-bright eyes dimmed by the pain of too many questions. Sometimes we cry out, en masse, to a faceless god and a cold, indifferent universe that holds its secrets close. What... rasps the death rattle of our collective sanity. What is the lubrication level of Samantha Jones's 52-year-old vagina? Has the change of life dulled its sparkle? Do its aged and withered depths finally chafe from the endless pounding, pounding, pounding—cruel phallic penance demanded by the emotionally barren sexual compulsive from which it hangs? If I do not receive an update on the deep, gray caverns of Jones, I shall surely die!

Please don't die. The answer is... fine. Samantha's vagina is doing fine. She rubs yams on it, okay? She takes 48 vagina vitamins a day. It accepts unlimited male penises with the greatest of ease. Now let us never speak of it again.

 

 

Sex and the City 2 makes Phyllis Schlafly look like Andrea Dworkin. Or that super-masculine version of Cynthia Nixon that Cynthia Nixon dates. Or, like, Ralph Nader (wait, bad example—Schlafly totally does look like Ralph Nader in a granny wig). SATC2 takes everything that I hold dear as a woman and as a human—working hard, contributing to society, not being an entitled **** like it's my job—and rapes it to death with a stiletto that costs more than my car. It is 146 minutes long, which means that I entered the theater in the bloom of youth and emerged with a family of field mice living in my long, white mustache. This is an entirely inappropriate length for what is essentially a home video of gay men playing with giant Barbie dolls. But I digress. Let us start with the "plot."

 

 

Carrie Bradshaw: At the end of the first SATC movie (2008)—after eleventy decades of chasing his emotionally abusive jowls through the streets of Manhattan—Carrie finally marries Mr. Big, the man of her shallow, self-obsessed dreams. It has now been two years since their nuptials. Carrie already hates it. She hates that he sits on the couch. She hates that he eats noodles out of a take-out box. She hates that he wants to spend quality time with her in their incredibly expensive and gaudy apartment. She hates that he bought her an enormous television. When Big suggests that they spend a couple of days a week in separate apartments (they own TWO apartments, because life is hard!), Carrie screeches, "Is this because I'm a ***** wife who nags you?" Congratulations. You have answered your own question.

 

 

Miranda Redhairlawyerface: Miranda is a lawyer who has red hair. She also has a child. As a working woman, Miranda is forced to miss every single one of her child's incessant science fairs (as though children know anything of science!). Also, her lawyer boss is a cartoon ****. Miranda quits her job, and everyone is much happier. This is because women should not work. It is terrible for the children.

 

 

Charlotte Goldsteinjewyjewsomethingsomethingblatt: Life for Charlotte is unbelievably difficult. As a wealthy stay-at-home mom with two children and a live-in, full-time nanny, she sometimes has to bake cupcakes! Also, one time her little child got finger paint on a piece of vintage cloth. Therefore, Charlotte cannot stop crying. "How do the women without help do it?" Charlotte (crying) asks Miranda. "I have no ****ing idea," Miranda replies. Then they toast their disgusting glasses of pink syrup. To "them." To the "women without help." "If I wasn't rich, I'd definitely just kill myself right away with a knife!" says everyone in this movie without having to actually say it. Clink!

 

 

Samantha Jones: I told you we are never to speak of this.

In order to escape their various imaginary problems, our intrepid foursome traipses off to dark, exotic Abu Dhabi ("I've always been fascinated by the Middle East—desert moons, Scheherazade, magic carpets!"). When they arrive, Carrie, because she is a professional writer, announces, "Oh, Toto—I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!" Each woman is immediately assigned an extra from Disney's Aladdin to spoon-feed her warm cinnamon milk in their $22,000-per-night hotel suite. Things seem to be going great. But very quickly, the SATC brain trust notices that it's not all swarthy man-slaves and flying carpets in Abu Dhabi! In fact, Abu Dhabi is crawling with Muslim women—and not one of them is dressed like a super-liberated diamond-encrusted ****ing clown!!! Oppression! OPPRESSION!!!

This will not stand. Samantha, being the prostitute sexual revolutionary that she is, rages against the machine by publicly grabbing the engorged penis of a man she dubs "Lawrence of My-Labia." When the locals complain (having repeatedly asked Samantha to cover her nipples and mons pubis in the way of local custom), Samantha removes most of her clothes in the middle of the spice bazaar, throws condoms in the faces of the angry and bewildered crowd, and screams, "I AM A WOMAN! I HAVE SEX!" Thus, traditional Middle Eastern sexual mores are upended and sexism is stoned to death in the town square.

 

 

At sexism's funeral (which takes place in a mysterious, incense-shrouded chamber of international sisterhood), the women of Abu Dhabi remove their black robes and veils to reveal—this is not a joke—the same hideous, disposable, criminally expensive shreds of cloth and feathers that hang from Carrie et al.'s emaciated goblin shoulders. Muslim women: Under those craaaaaaay-zy robes, they're just as vapid and obsessed with physical beauty and meaningless material concerns as us! Feminism! **** yeah!

If this is what modern womanhood means, then just ****ing veil me and sew up all my holes. Good night. rec_star.gif

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Is this kind of spoiler-y? Im not planning on watching it but some people might.

 

Anyway, i used to watch the show when i was a teen which was when it was out. I thought it was so cool until i got older. lol The first movie was a disappointment so ill just watch part 2 online like i did the first one.

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Originally Posted by emily_3383 View Post
Is this kind of spoiler-y? Im not planning on watching it but some people might.

 

Anyway, i used to watch the show when i was a teen which was when it was out. I thought it was so cool until i got older. lol The first movie was a disappointment so ill just watch part 2 online like i did the first one.

I would think anyone reading this title would know the reviewer didn't like it and if they were intending on seeing it anyway why read the review? The review here skewered the film and I had seen other reviews and commercials that were less than complimentary as well. I have no interest in seeing this film and neither does my partner.

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Never watched an episode and never watched the first movie. I am definately not going to waste a penny on the second piece of you-know-what.

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So has anyone actually seen this film and liked it?

 

Meanwhile here are more reviews.

 

For instance, Roger Ebert said:

These people make my skin crawl.

 

And he’s usually such a nice guy!

 

Dude ain’t alone. Check out this hilariously low score on Rotten Tomatoes!

satc2-17116-1274993262-3.jpg

 

Ha ha ha! Stupid SATC2. Apparently, there’s more going on than just the usual shoe buying and cosmo drinking and stuff. Turns out this sequel isn’t banal, it’s actually offensive! See, the Times’ A.O. Scott is all like:

The ugly smell of unexamined privilege hangs over this film like the smoke from cheap incense.

 

and then Wajahat Ali in Salon is all:

Michael Patrick King’s exquisitely tone-deaf movie is cinematic Viagra for Western cultural imperialists who still ignorantly and inaccurately paint the entire Middle East (and Iran) as a Shangri La in desperate need of liberation from ignorant, backward natives.

 

That doesn’t sound fun AT ALL. Also in Salon, Andrew O’Hehir writes:

It would have been more merciful for writer-director Michael Patrick King to have rented Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda out to the “Saw†franchise.

 

satc2-17096-1274996008-10.jpg

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Never watched the show but I did see and enjoy the first movie, but with so many negative reviews and people saying it was terrible I might not go and see it.

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Originally Posted by bCreative View Post
Never watched the show but I did see and enjoy the first movie, but with so many negative reviews and people saying it was terrible I might not go and see it.
haha my work is done her....

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My brain does not have the capacity to deal with that kind of movie

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I saw it and LOVED it! The movie theater was crowded with women cause the showing was sold out, and there was so much laughter in the theater. When I walked out everybody had a big smile on their face. There were even like 5 men in there lol

 

I read in some reviews that critics thought the story was lacking originality. I didn´t think so at all! This movie is meant to entertain, which is surely did.

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yeah talk about milkiing a dead cow. they should have stopped @ SATC1 but i guess gredd works in funny ways. I havent seen it yet nor do I need (I might watch it on free dvd but definitely not paying MY money for this crap) to see it because it looks cheap, classless, tasteless and just wrong. Goodluck to anyone that decides to watch it.

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