ever feel lonely?

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Hey guys i just wanted to vent a little so i hope you will all bear with me.

My husband works all the time and i mean all the time.I get so lonely sometimes so im glad i can come on here and have some adult contact.It sucks cause my husband leaves before i get up and comes home so late that i am knocked out,Do you think people can be happy in a shack together with no money or a big mansion with tons?

 
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thanks Charmaine,i try talking to him ,and he says he is going to try but i guess with all the time and energy he gives to his work he just doesent have any left for me and the kids.He has all these goals which i think is great but why are you looking for happiness out in the world when its simple and home with your family.

 
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My husband is very successful with his company and over time (10 years w/ them) he has learned how to balance his work and home life pretty well, even if he has to work at home, I feel happy that he is least at home. There were times when I felt like he was never at home but in this day and age, we are both happy that he has a job because alot of people in the computer industry are being laid off due to work being sent overseas.

 

Liz

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*raises hand*


but my bf works at home. he's always working and it takes so much focus, that i can't bother him. a lot of the time he works at night so there isn't anything to disturb him and he sleeps during the day. so i'm up during the day, sleep at night. i've talked to him about it before, and he said that he was going to try to spend more time with me. he promised that he would take me out to dinner once a month because we used to do that all of the time. but that hasn't happened
. i'm going to get a job though so that i can make a lil money, be out of the house, and meet new people.

 
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Originally Posted by nydoll23 Do you think people can be happy in a shack together with no money or a big mansion with tons? I've been in both situations and I must say when you're struggling it's hard to be really happy together because someone is always stressing to make sure all the needs are taken care of. When you have enough money for needs and wants, then you just have to make sure you stay focused and take a little time for those around you. My man now has been working his ass off lately, even though we have everything we want and can buy pretty much anything we want. We just want to make sure we're set when we're older and that my son has nothing to worry about.So we haven't had as much alone time with each other as we're used to, but he does make sure every now and then that he clears his schedule so he can either stay at home with us or take me out somewhere. Even if it's just one night a month like Liz, it all helps to keep everything going smoothly.
 
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I think that we all feel lonely at some point in time. I think that maybe you should try to do other stuff so that it takes your mind off the fact that your husband is working. I am sure that it can be tough because you want to spend time with him. To answer your question, I would rather have no $$ and be happy with someone than be rich and have no one to share my $$ with. Besides, does $$ = happiness?

Hang in there and if you feel lonely, you always have us here!

 

Jen

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Gwen, you sound so much like me when I was younger and the kids were little. My hubby was a workaholic. He had his full time job plus was always working on one or two other things on the side. He was taking flying lessons which is very expensive. So, he had to work all those long hours to afford the stuff we wanted to do. I was alone so much with the kids. I did survive though! Hubby still works alot at times (he is self-employed now) but I'm pretty much used to it. When he isn't extremely busy working we do have some very good quality time together. All in all, this was all worth it to me. We are at a very comfortable stage in our life now.

 
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:icon_love :icon_love :icon_love Thanks everyone for you thoughts!:icon_love :icon_love :icon_love :icon_loveIm so glad that i can get other stories that are similiar to mine,feel less lonely.Im not this sensitive all the time but sometimes it does get to me,but i am really glad i have such wonderful people i can share my jokes ,gossip,makeup and issues with.


 
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Originally Posted by leobrat I’m in a similar situation as well, Except that my husband doesn’t have crazy hours. We can be in the same room and I will feel lonely. I’ve tried talking to him, even did what Liz said earlier with the one date a month thing. We’ve gone out 2x in 8 months. Once was the weekend after the suggestion and once was for our anniversary.
It’s pathetic, I know. Maybe, it’s one of those things that you always want what you can’t have but I’d rather miss my husband while he’s at work than miss him while he’s sitting next to me.





I understand what you mean,my husband is a man of few words so i understand the feeling of being lonely even when hes there.I would try to find something you guys can do together when he is home ,like maybe a board game and some wine.Me and my husband had got battle of the sexes and we played it at night before he started wroking really late.Anyways ,its fun ,you can joke around and it makes it easier for someone who dosent talk much to come out of their shell.

 
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Gwen I completely understand your situation. I can´t relate cause obviously I´m not married or have a relationship. I just feel lonely sometimes because I don´t have a SO (but at the same time I don´t want one right now but that´s another story. I have a pretty ambiguous personality *lol*)

I just can´t imagine how you manage to have a relationship/marriage with a person you rarely see, don´t go out with, don´t talk to. but I guess I have illusions about all that-no relationship is perfect I guess (only in the beginning of course
)

 
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Originally Posted by nydoll23 Hey guys i just wanted to vent a little so i hope you will all bear with me.My husband works all the time and i mean all the time.I get so lonely sometimes so im glad i can come on here and have some adult contact.It sucks cause my husband leaves before i get up and comes home so late that i am knocked out,Do you think people can be happy in a shack together with no money or a big mansion with tons?

sometimes i feel a bit lonely, but i remind myself that it's only an adjustment so i stick it out. my boyfriend does cancer research at the university and he has to go at different hours every week because of particular chemicals (ex. some chemical solutions need to be checked upon sometimes every 5 hours or every 12 hours and if it didn't change, then he has to go in for extra hours).

 

but i am lucky tho. he makes sure he comes home for dinner for atleast an hour or so, and heads back to work. and by the time i wake up, he is already at work. when he is back, i am tired from school and can't wait to sleep early!

 

however, we make sure that we set 1 night a week or bi-weekly just to spend time w/ each other no matter how busy.



 
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Hi nydoll,.i totally sympthise with you. I am in a similar situation and i have to be honest and tell you that it had led to lots of arguments and problems. Quite often the persion left at home feels very isolated and lonley and can often feel they have no life whatsoever. I know how distressing it can be to feel totally alone. This is also not good for anyone and can lead to depression.

My advice is to tell your husband how lonely you feel and see if you can both come to a comprismise with his working hours.After all people shouldn't live to work, but rather work to live. Your husband needs to find a healthy balance and not neglect his wife. Being alone so much is soul destroying.

The other suggestion i have for you is to do what i did,. i got so bored and felt angry with my bf and i blamed him for me being on my own all the time,that i decided to occupy myself and took up a hobby/started my own business. Now ime the one going to visit people and getting on with life that he's started to realsie he needs to work at this relationship and i am not always available for him! I would even show him your post here on MuT so that he can see and read how you are feeling.Hopefully from there you can both talk about things.You are only human and you do need some contact with your husband and to be a part of his life before his work.

Good Luck and i hope you feel better soon.We will always be here for you.I was agraphobic and hadn't left my house for a long time and MuT was the only support i had.So you are definaltey not alone and if you ever feel lonley or need someone to talk to then i am always here, and so are the rest of us.((((hugs))))

 
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Originally Posted by Pauline Hi nydoll,.i totally sympthise with you. I am in a similar situation and i have to be honest and tell you that it had led to lots of arguments and problems. Quite often the persion left at home feels very isolated and lonley and can often feel they have no life whatsoever. I know how distressing it can be to feel totally alone. This is also not good for anyone and can lead to depression.My advice is to tell your husband how lonely you feel and see if you can both come to a comprismise with his working hours.After all people shouldn't live to work, but rather work to live. Your husband needs to find a healthy balance and not neglect his wife. Being alone so much is soul destroying.

The other suggestion i have for you is to do what i did,. i got so bored and felt angry with my bf and i blamed him for me being on my own all the time,that i decided to occupy myself and took up a hobby/started my own business. Now ime the one going to visit people and getting on with life that he's started to realsie he needs to work at this relationship and i am not always available for him! I would even show him your post here on MuT so that he can see and read how you are feeling.Hopefully from there you can both talk about things.You are only human and you do need some contact with your husband and to be a part of his life before his work.

Good Luck and i hope you feel better soon.We will always be here for you.I was agraphobic and hadn't left my house for a long time and MuT was the only support i had.So you are definaltey not alone and if you ever feel lonley or need someone to talk to then i am always here, and so are the rest of us.((((hugs))))


Thanks you so much,you are the first mutter to bring tears to my eyes.I feel like you just summed up how i feel.It is very depressing,and its hard to get around to doing the stuff i need to do,cause i just have no drive.Mut kkeps me busy and my kids of course,and im glad i have the oppurtunity to talk to people who are so understanding of my problem,thanks you again Pauline

hugs right back at you!!


 
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You are more than welcome nydoll. I do understand. MuT has bveen here for me when my Dog died and i was suffering from really bad depression. NYAngel and other people on here have been good to me and made friends as i was so low i couldn't even get dressed at one point.All i used to do was just sit and exisit. I was so low i couldn't even function properly or even understand half of the posts i was reading.MuT, Tony and Reija have been a massive support for me, so much so that i have even told my Dr about MuT!!! MuT is my family and i know if i ever felt so bad i wanted to end it, MuT and it's great warm member's would help and support me.

Now over a year and a half later i have made some good friends and am stable on anti-depressants and have even started my own business!!!! With Tony';s help of course. I couldn't have done any of that on my own and there were times i felt suicidal and detached from life and friends. Somehow the blackness has gone (though i still have bad days) but never feel ashamed to express how you feel. I honestley belive MuT has stood by me through thick and thin, being able to talk about things has helped me, just writing it down helps. I am here for you and so are the rest of us.I will be sure to drop you a line, just so you know you are not alone. Its amazing what a little love and support can do for someone! Thanks for the hug babes!xXx

 
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to Gwen & Pauline. You are both strongm, beautiful women.

,

That is all I wanted to add.

 
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Originally Posted by Marisol
to Gwen & Pauline. You are both strongm, beautiful women. ,

That is all I wanted to add.

Thanks Marisol, and you sound like a caring and Loyal friend (who know's how to party i might add!) Big Hugs to you too Marisol
 
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awwww-- man, do i know how that feels. YOu kinda wonder, as the clock ticks and time goes on just what is going on, where is everyone? That none of your friends lives are like this. but they are. We all are, married, single, dating, engaged, married for EVER, it hits us once in a while. That is why time together should be utilized the best it can be. And when you are by yourself, write an email, paint, have a home party ( i love those!) find out new things! Join a group or volunteer. I've been married before, and its not easy. No matter what anyone says. IMHO. Marriage takes work, patience and a whole lotta compromise. At some point, one person in the relationship is gonna feel left out, or forgotten about. unfortunately, we all live in the times of high rent, high mortgage, high bills and just making it. But you can take advantage of the times you do have to gether and do stuff. But, you cant let your live revolve around your husband/partner either. Because you will eventually forget who YOU are. And thats not fair either. Sit down and talk about it. let him know, maybe he doenst even realize that you guys need regrouping time..

 
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try not to think of it as he has no time for you and the kids. my guess is that he feels what he's doing is for you and the kids. when my husband was working like that i would schedule dates. put them on the calender as far in advance as you need to. at least a date every 2 to 3 weeks minimum. make it a game, something that you both can look forward to. you can really make it quite interesting (if you know what i mean!). sometimes take a short nap with the kids so you can be up when he gets in. i found that my husband was partial to treasure hunts...


Originally Posted by nydoll23 thanks Charmaine,i try talking to him ,and he says he is going to try but i guess with all the time and energy he gives to his work he just doesent have any left for me and the kids.He has all these goals which i think is great but why are you looking for happiness out in the world when its simple and home with your family.
 
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Originally Posted by Marisol
to Gwen & Pauline. You are both strongm, beautiful women. ,

That is all I wanted to add.

thank you dollface,hugs back to another beautiful strong woman!!!!!


 
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I wanted to thank all the other great women here who posted awesome comments and advice,your all great and i apreciate postive female voices!!!!


 

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