Ex-girlfriend's Photos.....

[Geek]

Originally Posted by NYAngel98

OMG Shug - it's in his BAG!!?!?!

WTF!? I'd definitely say something... that's just rude! I would be pissed. I asked him to get rid of the things on the pc... and he deleted them. (as far as I know

lol - that was an old pc, which is now at his house, and maybe gets turned on once a year lol) But Jennie made some good points... I'd ask whether he wants to be with YOU or be living in cyberworld with the memories of Miss Ex. It sucks to feel like you are (I've been there - several times) but you gotta lay it all out, or else it will constantly eat at you until you just blow up one day - & he'll think you're nuts

The bag still???? that does cross the line

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by elljmz I'd ask him to throw it away. I wouldn't waste my money mailing it to his ex. Also why does he have it in his school bag? If he is showing it to people that is totally disrespectful to her (the ex) and to you his current girlfriend). There are things (especially sex ) that should remain private between people that are in a relationship. I don't know how long you have been dating but I'd certainly rethink your relationship before it went on any further. I do understand holding on to pictures and stuff like that but never something so intimate. I hope you don't think my advice is too harsh but you are young and I wouldn't want you to potentially waste your precious young years on a guy who doesnt fully respect your feelings! And believe me I am talking from experience. I was with one guy from the age of 18-25. Believe me I had blinders on in that relationship. My friends tell me it wasn't a waste but a learning experience. Yeah right! 7 years is a long time to finally learn that I wasn't being treated and respected like I should be. If something trouble you like that cd and you tell him that he should do anything in his power to make you feel comfortable even if that means throwing it out. Again I'm not being mean just telling my opinion because I went through something similiar. I know how hard and frustrating it is when you love someone but know that something isn't right! Good Luck! thank god! i thought i was becoming a crazy jealous girlfriend or something!

and wow...7 years?? how did u realize u wanted to break up after so long?

and i am glad u said the things u said, it's a great eye opener. we have been together for nearly 2 years, and this is the first time (the cd in the bag situation) we ever argued.

we get along very well and have great chemistry between each other, it's just this thing that has recently been bothering me.

i guess it's the age differance that keeps on reminding me to make sure he doesn't take advantage of me; i am turning 19, and he is 25. i just finished freshman year, and he just started his Ph.D. program. i just don't want him to think, just cause i am much younger than him, he can get away with alota stuff.

nonetheless, i have decided to get hold of it and get rid of that cd!

i am going to throw it in the trash, and replace that cd case with a blank one. then, place it in his boxes full of photos from the past and always keep my gaurd up.

thanks you guys! i really needed a 3rd person perspective!!

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by sugersoul thank god! i thought i was becoming a crazy jealous girlfriend or something!
and wow...7 years?? how did u realize u wanted to break up after so long?

and i am glad u said the things u said, it's a great eye opener. we have been together for nearly 2 years, and this is the first time (the cd in the bag situation) we ever argued.

we get along very well and have great chemistry between each other, it's just this thing that has recently been bothering me.

i guess it's the age differance that keeps on reminding me to make sure he doesn't take advantage of me; i am turning 19, and he is 25. i just finished freshman year, and he just started his Ph.D. program. i just don't want him to think, just cause i am much younger than him, he can get away with alota stuff.

nonetheless, i have decided to get hold of it and get rid of that cd!

i am going to throw it in the trash, and replace that cd case with a blank one. then, place it in his boxes full of photos from the past and always keep my gaurd up.



thanks you guys! i really needed a 3rd person perspective!!

ok i don´t know your b/f, but I don´t think he thinks he can treat you different just cause you´re younger than him, not after being together for such a long time. but since you said you guys never had a real argument before he maybe just doesn´t know how much bad behavior you´re willing to take from him. obviously he doesn´t think he´s doing anything wrong if he´s not even trying to hide it from you, so I doubt he will understand your point of view if you don´t talk straight to him. go kick his butt a lil, girl!oh and I love the idea of putting a blank CD in

 

[wongy74]

I wouldn't even go to all that trouble. I'd take it out of his bag and break that sucker in half!

In front of his face, of course.

 

[elljmz]

ABSOLUTELY in front of his face!!!!! Doing it on the sly just makes you appear as a snooper and actually makes you distrustful by going through his things. If he doesn't see how angry that the cd makes you and how completely ticked off you are when you break it in half this guy is not worth it. The age thing B***SHIT. Any guy you are with should cherish the ground you walk on (and vice versa of course)! Life is way too short! I'm 34 now and I feel like I just graduated from high school. Time goes by so fast. Don't let this take up anymore of your time and cause such heartache.

Originally Posted by wongy74 I wouldn't even go to all that trouble. I'd take it out of his bag and break that sucker in half!

In front of his face, of course.

 

[redrocks]

The pictures and letters I wouldn't mind. My husband and I both have some old pictures, letters and stuff. BUT they are in a box in a closet and don't come out for "everyday use".

The CD with the pictures and sex stuff. That would bother me A LOT! Especially if he is carting them around with him all the time. That's just not right!

I'd tell him how it makes you feel.

Good Luck!

 

[Geek]

OK, I am going to be the LONE dissenter here and give my dissenting opinion! I don't think you should break it or even take it. After all, the CD is his. Yes, what he has done with it is TOTALLY WRONG and he should be punished by no SEX for a month from you.

Just talk to him about it and tell him that you feel that it is completely inappropriate of him for you AND him to be in this situation and that he has challenged yours and his trust with it.





Originally Posted by sugersoul

thank god! i thought i was becoming a crazy jealous girlfriend or something!

and wow...7 years?? how did u realize u wanted to break up after so long?

and i am glad u said the things u said, it's a great eye opener. we have been together for nearly 2 years, and this is the first time (the cd in the bag situation) we ever argued.

we get along very well and have great chemistry between each other, it's just this thing that has recently been bothering me.

i guess it's the age differance that keeps on reminding me to make sure he doesn't take advantage of me; i am turning 19, and he is 25. i just finished freshman year, and he just started his Ph.D. program. i just don't want him to think, just cause i am much younger than him, he can get away with alota stuff.

nonetheless, i have decided to get hold of it and get rid of that cd!​

i am going to throw it in the trash, and replace that cd case with a blank one. then, place it in his boxes full of photos from the past and always keep my gaurd up.

thanks you guys! i really needed a 3rd person perspective!!

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin)

OK, I am going to be the LONE dissenter here and give my dissenting opinion! I don't think you should break it or even take it. After all, the CD is his. Yes, what he has done with it is TOTALLY WRONG and he should be punished by no SEX for a month from you.

Just talk to him about it and tell him that you feel that it is completely inappropriate of him for you AND him to be in this situation and that he has challenged yours and his trust with it. are you sure the no-sex-punishment would do the trick? I´m not sure...I´m no relationship expert, but I´ve read a couple of times that this is the worst way to punish someone cause it can backfire easily.

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by Arielle

are you sure the no-sex-punishment would do the trick? I´m not sure...I´m no relationship expert, but I´ve read a couple of times that this is the worst way to punish someone cause it can backfire easily.


You could be right Andrea.

 

[girl_geek]

I'm also not sure if I would break it, I would just talk with him more until he understands what you're feeling -- and if you do break it, make sure he sees you so he doesn't think you're being sneaky like elljmz said -- you don't want him to stop trusting you! And definitely don't replace it with a blank CD behind his back or anything, he might perceive that as distrustful as well. I mean, what if he did something like that to you?

As for mailing it back to the girl ... if you're offended by the cd, then wouldn't her current or future bf be offended as well? I don't think anyone needs the cd and it should be thrown away!

Also I've always heard that the no-sex punishment is a terrible idea as well ... I almost view it as treating him like a child or even a pet, like "if you don't behave, no treat for you!" I've heard stories of couples where the girl does this as punishment, and consequently the guy is always walking on ice worried that he'll make her mad and that's not a healthy adult relationship ... Of course I've always thought that sex was an expression of love and not just pure physical pleasure, and that love is a commitment and not just emotions, so sex should be a regular part of your love life ... I could go on but I think I'm getting off-topic

I just wanted to say I wouldn't do the no-sex punishment!

As for the age difference, if you guys are at a similar level of maturity it shouldn't matter at all -- my parents got married when my mom was 19 and my dad was 25 and everything worked out great for them

 

[Geek]

I was kidding about this...





Originally Posted by girl_geek

Also I've always heard that the no-sex punishment is a terrible idea as well ...

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) I was kidding about this... oh, good

I was already wondering why you suggested this being a GUY yourself *hehe*

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by Arielle

oh, good

I was already wondering why you suggested this being a GUY yourself *hehe*


LOL, I have one of those "Funky Cold Medina" sense of humors

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by girl_geek I'm also not sure if I would break it, I would just talk with him more until he understands what you're feeling -- and if you do break it, make sure he sees you so he doesn't think you're being sneaky like elljmz said -- you don't want him to stop trusting you! And definitely don't replace it with a blank CD behind his back or anything, he might perceive that as distrustful as well. I mean, what if he did something like that to you?
As for mailing it back to the girl ... if you're offended by the cd, then wouldn't her current or future bf be offended as well? I don't think anyone needs the cd and it should be thrown away!

Also I've always heard that the no-sex punishment is a terrible idea as well ... I almost view it as treating him like a child or even a pet, like "if you don't behave, no treat for you!" I've heard stories of couples where the girl does this as punishment, and consequently the guy is always walking on ice worried that he'll make her mad and that's not a healthy adult relationship ... Of course I've always thought that sex was an expression of love and not just pure physical pleasure, and that love is a commitment and not just emotions, so sex should be a regular part of your love life ... I could go on but I think I'm getting off-topic

I just wanted to say I wouldn't do the no-sex punishment!

As for the age difference, if you guys are at a similar level of maturity it shouldn't matter at all -- my parents got married when my mom was 19 and my dad was 25 and everything worked out great for them

but do u think, the more i talk to him about it, the more irritated he will be?
i know i confronted him before, and it just esculated into an argument. and the more i am NOT okay with it, the more...he would remeber.

and if i just shrug it off, do u think he would forget as well?

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin)

OK, I am going to be the LONE dissenter here and give my dissenting opinion! I don't think you should break it or even take it. After all, the CD is his. Yes, what he has done with it is TOTALLY WRONG and he should be punished by no SEX for a month from you.

Just talk to him about it and tell him that you feel that it is completely inappropriate of him for you AND him to be in this situation and that he has challenged yours and his trust with it. would the no sex just irritate the guy, and just remind him that he is NOT having sex, instead of reminding him to take into account of my feelings?

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by elljmz ABSOLUTELY in front of his face!!!!! Doing it on the sly just makes you appear as a snooper and actually makes you distrustful by going through his things. If he doesn't see how angry that the cd makes you and how completely ticked off you are when you break it in half this guy is not worth it. The age thing B***SHIT. Any guy you are with should cherish the ground you walk on (and vice versa of course)! Life is way too short! I'm 34 now and I feel like I just graduated from high school. Time goes by so fast. Don't let this take up anymore of your time and cause such heartache. o wow...that is so empowering. i love it

i guess i am more hurt by it, and not angry by it (yeah, i think my strength is also my weakness, cause it's extremely hard for me to get pissed off.) infact, i have never been pissed off by him before or irritated. i guess it's just my temperment.
but does it really take anger to get my point of view across in a relationship?

 

[NYAngel98]

Originally Posted by sugersoul o wow...that is so empowering. i love it

i guess i am more hurt by it, and not angry by it (yeah, i think my strength is also my weakness, cause it's extremely hard for me to get pissed off.) infact, i have never been pissed off by him before or irritated. i guess it's just my temperment.
but does it really take anger to get my point of view across in a relationship?

If he isn't taking your more 'subtle' hints... well, then what else are you left with?

Maybe if he isn't blind he'll realize how much it upsets you... and if he is so insistant on keeping this disc, you should wonder WHY? and ASK why.

 

[limecrime]

I'd be pretty pissed if I found a sex CD and/or sexual photos of my boyfriend with his ex. It's definitely unpleasant. Did you ask him about it? What did he say?

Originally Posted by sugersoul my boyfriend likes to keep old stuff - such as his old projects, old cards his ex's gave him as well as photos.
last time i accidently found a cd containing recording of their sex sessions and other sexual stuff i won't go into detail...

although i told him i found the cd, (and not to mention he has a file for this on his computer) .....is this normal? ( i am looking at u Tony)

i know i shouldn't be jealous, because it's in the past..but still -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> should i take it as nothing?

 

[NYAngel98]

Originally Posted by limecrime I'd be pretty pissed if I found a sex CD and/or sexual photos of my boyfriend with his ex. It's definitely unpleasant. Did you ask him about it? What did he say? Welcome Limecrime!

I'm Janelle from NY - nice to meet you!

 

[girl_geek]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) I was kidding about this... lol, good, I was wondering if that's how you treated Rieja! lol