Ex-girlfriend's Photos.....

[wongy74]

I think what is most disturbing about this is that it shows the lack of respect he has for you and your relationship. You've asked him to get rid of it and he hasn't. Instead, he's been carrying it around in his bag?!?! It's not even out of sight, how can it be out of mind? Past pics and notes from an ex is one thing, but keeping sexual materials from the past relationship is ridiculous. It so far crosses the line.

I do give him credit for one thing though... letting you look at it. That at least may indicate that he has nothing to hide from you.

His actions could not mean a damn thing; it may just be a possession to him. But, his actions could mean something, like he's still harboring feelings for her. I've seen it before and it's happened to me before. Well, it didn't involve any sexual material, just a box of mementos and pictures up on his mirror. After being slightly suspicious that he still had feelings for her, I found out he tried to arrange to meet her when he was going to be in LV with his dad. He told me not to come, the bastard, so he could see her instead. What a f*@ker. I should have dumped him then.

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by limecrime I'd be pretty pissed if I found a sex CD and/or sexual photos of my boyfriend with his ex. It's definitely unpleasant. Did you ask him about it? What did he say? the first time, he told me it was in the past, and she means nothing to him.
the 2nd time (when i found it in his bag) he got a bit angry and said that he had no idea he put it in the bag, and that i shouldn't assume so much, and i should trust him more.

however, the last time i went to his bag to grab something, it's still there.

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by wongy74 I think what is most disturbing about this is that it shows the lack of respect he has for you and your relationship. You've asked him to get rid of it and he hasn't. Instead, he's been carrying it around in his bag?!?! It's not even out of sight, how can it be out of mind? Past pics and notes from an ex is one thing, but keeping sexual materials from the past relationship is ridiculous. It so far crosses the line.
I do give him credit for one thing though... letting you look at it. That at least may indicate that he has nothing to hide from you.

His actions could not mean a damn thing; it may just be a possession to him. But, his actions could mean something, like he's still harboring feelings for her. I've seen it before and it's happened to me before. Well, it didn't involve any sexual material, just a box of mementos and pictures up on his mirror. After being slightly suspicious that he still had feelings for her, I found out he tried to arrange to meet her when he was going to be in LV with his dad. He told me not to come, the bastard, so he could see her instead. What a f*@ker. I should have dumped him then.

OMG!!! A$$HOLE!! 

he actually had pictures on the mirror of her? back then, how did he respond to u when u asked him about it / or questioned his actions?

 

i think the thing that i can't get past, is it makes me wonder...i know this is soooo friggin parnoid of me, but i just sometimes wonder if he would imagine her instead of me during sex

i know i am going overboard here, and i know its all in the past, but still....

 

i guess ..i want to talk to him about it, or mention it, i just don't want to bring it up this week (i chicked out) cause he is leaving for vacation in a few days, and i won't be seeing him till august. i just don't want to get into an arguement w/ him before he leaves....

 

u know men..they do stupid things when they are alone on vacation..

.

 

[girl_geek]

Originally Posted by sugersoul
i think the thing that i can't get past, is it makes me wonder...i know this is soooo friggin parnoid of me, but i just sometimes wonder if he would imagine her instead of me during sex

i know i am going overboard here, and i know its all in the past, but still....

Actually I don't think this is paranoid at all considering the circumstances, I would think the same thing! Maybe next time you talk to him, mention this -- not as a way to accuse him of course, but just to say that those are your feelings and you're worried about your relationship, just so he'll know how concerned you are about this (if he doesn't already!)
Remember, as I've read in every premarital counselling book or article, use "I" statements and not "you" statements during any sort of conflict resolution ... thinks like "I feel hurt..." and not "You hurt me..." or other accusatory statements

 

[K*O*]

Oh that's weird...I would take that CD throw it in the air and use it as skeet shootin' !

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by sugersoul OMG!!! A$$HOLE!!
he actually had pictures on the mirror of her? back then, how did he respond to u when u asked him about it / or questioned his actions?

i think the thing that i can't get past, is it makes me wonder...i know this is soooo friggin parnoid of me, but i just sometimes wonder if he would imagine her instead of me during sex

i know i am going overboard here, and i know its all in the past, but still....

i guess ..i want to talk to him about it, or mention it, i just don't want to bring it up this week (i chicked out) cause he is leaving for vacation in a few days, and i won't be seeing him till august. i just don't want to get into an arguement w/ him before he leaves....

u know men..they do stupid things when they are alone on vacation..

. tough situation. and yes, they do stupid things on vacation, especially if it´s such a long vacation. if he´s a good boyfriend (which I´m sure he is-I still believe in other girl´s boyfriends *lol* just not the guys I dated) he will not dare to get pissed off if you talk to him that you feel hurt and confused by this. just stay calm and explain it to him. he should really get the hint and make up with you before he leaves. good luck!!!

 

[smallpuppy]

Originally Posted by sugersoul my boyfriend likes to keep old stuff - such as his old projects, old cards his ex's gave him as well as photos.
last time i accidently found a cd containing recording of their sex sessions and other sexual stuff i won't go into detail...

although i told him i found the cd, (and not to mention he has a file for this on his computer) .....is this normal? ( i am looking at u Tony)

i know i shouldn't be jealous, because it's in the past..but still -_- /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> should i take it as nothing?

If it's past he shouldn't hold on to it!!! MAke him throw it away!!!

 

[melzie_fire]

Hello,

This is my first post in this thread so I may repeat some of what the other gals have said.

First off, I wouldn't throw away or break the CD. I'm sure you'd be mad if your bf did that to something of yours, even if he felt it was warranted, and I can guarantee the bf will be mad if you did that behind his back. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I would bring it up *one more time* and just tell him, very calmly, that the fact that he has that CD reeeeally bothers you and you wish he'd get rid of it. Then, let it go. What he does from that point is up to him, and how YOU react to it is up to YOU.

Second, the two of you have been together about two years, yes? I think I remember reading that.. That is quite a long time. I know that part of your worry is that he still thinks of her and pines for her, especially since they parted on good terms. I wouldn't worry about it!! You two have been together long enough, IMO, that this shouldn't be an issue. Plus, if he was truly pining away for her all this time, I think they would have made something work despite the long distance thing.

Third, if he is a good guy (and surely he is, since you picked him out!) the age difference won't matter. I was 16 (almost 17) and my bf was 22 when we started dating. It was actually *better* than dating someone my own age because he was past all the teenage boy crap and treated me a lot better, IMO! I'm now 27 and married to that same guy, so you can see that relationships like this can work! I have NEVER felt unequal to him in the relationship because of our age difference, and I think it says a lot about my independence/strength (which you said you have!) and his personality.

So, I know this is frustrating, and I'd be reeeeally upset that he had that CD, especially in his bag! At the very least, if he doesn't want to get rid of it for whatever reason, he should throw it in a drawer or something so that it's not with him constantly. That part is a bit odd.

But I do agree with him, if you're going to be in a relationship, you need to trust him!!!

Good luck.

 

[sugersoul]

Originally Posted by melzie_fire Hello,

This is my first post in this thread so I may repeat some of what the other gals have said.

First off, I wouldn't throw away or break the CD. I'm sure you'd be mad if your bf did that to something of yours, even if he felt it was warranted, and I can guarantee the bf will be mad if you did that behind his back. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it bothers you. I would bring it up *one more time* and just tell him, very calmly, that the fact that he has that CD reeeeally bothers you and you wish he'd get rid of it. Then, let it go. What he does from that point is up to him, and how YOU react to it is up to YOU.

Second, the two of you have been together about two years, yes? I think I remember reading that.. That is quite a long time. I know that part of your worry is that he still thinks of her and pines for her, especially since they parted on good terms. I wouldn't worry about it!! You two have been together long enough, IMO, that this shouldn't be an issue. Plus, if he was truly pining away for her all this time, I think they would have made something work despite the long distance thing.

Third, if he is a good guy (and surely he is, since you picked him out!) the age difference won't matter. I was 16 (almost 17) and my bf was 22 when we started dating. It was actually *better* than dating someone my own age because he was past all the teenage boy crap and treated me a lot better, IMO! I'm now 27 and married to that same guy, so you can see that relationships like this can work! I have NEVER felt unequal to him in the relationship because of our age difference, and I think it says a lot about my independence/strength (which you said you have!) and his personality.

So, I know this is frustrating, and I'd be reeeeally upset that he had that CD, especially in his bag! At the very least, if he doesn't want to get rid of it for whatever reason, he should throw it in a drawer or something so that it's not with him constantly. That part is a bit odd.

But I do agree with him, if you're going to be in a relationship, you need to trust him!!!

Good luck.

Great Advice girl!! 

and yes, i decided to finally confront him. what did i have to loose?

 

but before i did, i wanted to check if the cd is still there, if he had taken it out yet.

 

and yes, the cd was still there.

 

i don't know what made me do it, but i guess i wanted to see if he kept other photos of his OTHER Ex's...who knows..this could be a consistant problem with his relationships, or maybe i am just parnoid.

 

so when i checked the cd....

 

 

to my surprise, it was blank! i checked to make sure it was the right one, and sure enough, it was. the same date, name of girl was written on the cd. but it was blank!

 

thank god for rewrittable cd's!

 

i didn't know how to react. at first i was pleased, that he probably picked up my signals or something.

at the same time i felt ashamed for being sneaky, and i didnt know what to make out of it.

 

let's just say, i am relieved! as long as he doesn't have it on his laptop ( i will just trust him on this one) i am happy that he deleted it.

 

 

 

 

THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT ADVICE EVERYONE!! I REALLY APPRECIATED IT

sometimes, when u are in a relationship, u just don't see the 3rd person perspective!

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by sugersoul

Great Advice girl!!
and yes, i decided to finally confront him. what did i have to loose?

but before i did, i wanted to check if the cd is still there, if he had taken it out yet.

and yes, the cd was still there.

i don't know what made me do it, but i guess i wanted to see if he kept other photos of his OTHER Ex's...who knows..this could be a consistant problem with his relationships, or maybe i am just parnoid.

so when i checked the cd....

to my surprise, it was blank! i checked to make sure it was the right one, and sure enough, it was. the same date, name of girl was written on the cd. but it was blank!

thank god for rewrittable cd's!

i didn't know how to react. at first i was pleased, that he probably picked up my signals or something.

at the same time i felt ashamed for being sneaky, and i didnt know what to make out of it.

let's just say, i am relieved! as long as he doesn't have it on his laptop ( i will just trust him on this one) i am happy that he deleted it.

THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT ADVICE EVERYONE!! I REALLY APPRECIATED IT

sometimes, when u are in a relationship, u just don't see the 3rd person perspective!




Or..............he has it encypted so you THINK that nothing is on it

 

[NYAngel98]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Or..............he has it encypted so you THINK that nothing is on it

TONYYYYY!!!! LOL You are so BAD! lol

Glad you are finally at ease now Suger... Now you won't have to bring it up...

Now just make sure thats the same cd & he didn't make a dummy one to throw you off!

Sorry... I'm just sneaky... lol

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by NYAngel98

TONYYYYY!!!! LOL You are so BAD! lol

Glad you are finally at ease now Suger... Now you won't have to bring it up...

Now just make sure thats the same cd & he didn't make a dummy one to throw you off!

Sorry... I'm just sneaky... lol




LOL, leave it up to the programming expert lol
Love you Suga!!

 

[Johnnie]

Felt this thread needed to be 're-vamped'!

I can say that I wouldn't appreciate my SO keeping pictures, cards, etc... of his exes. I just find it hurtful and why is it necessary? I have thrown out things like pictures, cards, etc... because I don't NEED them. Plus, I don't think he'd appreciate it either. Makes me wonder why people keep them around. If so, why do you?

 

[pinksugar]

yes, I've thrown out cards and stuff ex's have given me...

I do have a question on a related subject - what about gifts? jewellery? Expensive photos?

I'm currently single, and so I've thrown out all his cards, letters notes, text messages are deleted, emails gone...

but I do have a whole lot of very expensive photos of us together. I don't display them and I don't really want to keep them, but I haven't thrown them out because they were so expensive and it already feels like a waste of money.

And jewellery - there is no attachment to the person anymore, but is it ok to wear it? I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it if I had a boyfriend, but I really like it - why should I get rid of it, just because 'he' gave it to me?

your thoughts?

Obviously, everything is 10 times worse once you have a boyfriend who might get upset about this stuff! so luckily I'm happily single!

 

[Johnnie]

Yeah, I can see how that'd be hard to get rid of clothes, jewelry and things like this. I think I'd sell them online. I mean unless, like you said, it means nothing anymore. Then keep them, ya know. You mentioned that the photos were expensive but also said "it already feels like waste of money"....so why not throw them away and keep the frame? I agree that it's worse having an SO who wouldn't approve of it. I live by the "do unto others" motto

 

[pinksugar]

lol. They're not in frames, they're in this huge expensive scrapbook. The photos themselves were professional and they've been touched up and stuff. It's not the framing or anything like that which was expensive...

at the moment I keep them as a reminder to myself to to be so impulsive or to be too over the top in relationships, haha!

 

[Aprill]

haha you bumpers

 

[pinksugar]

lol, aprill! but I hate duplicate threads! I'm always tossing up, what's better? bumping or duplicating? I say bump!

 

[Aprill]

This is the perfect example of how a thread is supposed to be bumped

Bump on ladies!!!!!!

 

[Johnnie]

Hehe....I second bumps

Originally Posted by pinksugar /img/forum/go_quote.gif lol. They're not in frames, they're in this huge expensive scrapbook. The photos themselves were professional and they've been touched up and stuff. It's not the framing or anything like that which was expensive...
at the moment I keep them as a reminder to myself to to be so impulsive or to be too over the top in relationships, haha!

Over the top in relationships isn't a bad thing