Helping a friend.. I don't know what to do.

[MaddyBoo718]

My best friend is a wreck. She is madly in love with this guy who treats her like total sh*t, and doesn't love her back. He's a nice guy in general, he just is the worst to her. Let me explain the situation. Sorry it's long! This has been going on for a long time.

She's (let's call her Jane) been in love with him (we'll call him Michael) for about a year and a half. They met through her friend, who was going out with him at the time. It wasn't a totally serious relationship, and her friend was okay with Jane liking him. When they broke up, a little while after, Jane let him know that she liked him a lot, but he didn't like her the same way. He and the friend got back together again, but broke up soon after again. Like, right after the break-up, he and Jane kissed. He had some feelings for her after all, and she was so happy. They entered a "friends-with-benefits" thing, and it was going really well, but they kept it a secret. This went on for like, a month, maybe a little more, and then they stopped. He decided he didn't want to do that any more. She was totally hurt and heartbroken, but was still in love with him. A couple of weeks after, he met Jane's cousin (we'll call her Miranda), and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Jane and Miranda had been very very close since they were little, and Miranda knew Jane was madly in love with Michael, but did it anyway. They even kept it a secret and hid it from Jane for a while. Jane, needless to say, was even MORE hurt that her best friend, her FAMILY did this to her. Jane is the type to wallow in her depression, so she has been extremely depressed for months. She's been happier now because she found another guy she likes (we'll call him Ben) and he is madly in love with HER. However, she doesn't love him as much as Michael. The year anniversary is coming up of when she and Michael did their secret relationship, and she has been a wreck. She's also going to a family gathering for Miranda's birthday and Michael's going to be there. She doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to have to see Miranda be the one to introduce Michael to her family, when she wanted it to be herself. Basically, she's heartbroken and won't do anything to help herself, so she can move on.

She used to see a psychologist last year when her grades were slipping because of the whole Michael situation, and I suggest to her all the time that she should take a trip back, because it's slowly driving her insane.. she doesn't sleep, doesn't eat normally, and has really bad mood swings. I just need some advice, because NOTHING is helping. She's in denial and says the psychologist wasn't that good. Thanks so much in advance..

 

[marinasmith]

I have a friend who acts just like yours whenever she's falls for someone but doesn't get what she wants in return. She insists on persuading the guy, does whatever he wants and let him walk all over her. From years of experience I can say that your friend will only get over Michael when she falls hard for someone else.

 

[Solimar]

I don't really think there is anything you can do about your friends situation, she has the be the one to do something for herself. People spend time wallowing because they honestly don't believe any better will come along. It is never the case. Some people manage to start feeling better before a new person comes along, but because they are tired of feeling like shit, and know they deserve better. No matter what happens, it will happen. A psychologist may not work in cases like that, because the grieving process doesn't just end and begin with an outside source in a set period of time...it happens with yourself and at your own speed. It may take a bit, but she will get over him.

 

[S. Lisa Smith]

I agree with you that she should see the psychologist. I also think that Solimar is right that basically she has to be the one to help herself, but she does need the boost that a psychologist should give her. Good luck!