How do you get your husband to stop playing video games and start helping out?

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My husband is constantly playing video games....or on the computer. He has no time for me or the kids. I've yelled and screamed begged, pleaded, cryed, and tryed to talk to him about it....he'll stop and help out for like a day and then go back to his same old ways. Any ideas?


 
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Thanx fot the ideas. What is it with guys and videogames/internet/porn? It drives me nuts!

 
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I used to get so mad about the porn thing....well I still do, but not as mad. It really still hurts my feelings. But at least he's not cheating on me. I recently started making alot of crafts. That helped me last night while he was playing video games on the x-box for almost 5 hours. I think he played from 9:30-1:30....opps that's 4 hours.....well it felt like 5. I just can't figure out how that can keep their attention for 4 hours. That would bore me out of my mind.

 
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hm, I have actually been playing more video games since I got married, hubby is converting me, lol ... and when he's not playing video games, he's playing golf, reading, or watching movies (he's quite the movie buff too -- he usually rents 2 movies a week!) At least he's well-rounded in his hobbies, lol

This has never been a *huge* problem for us but we have had some arguments about it. I always end up using the same argument because it works: I am a grad student, and have to spend almost all of my time either in class, teaching, or studying. I do not (normally) have all evening and weekend free like hubby does! Since he has much more free time, it's only fair that he does more work. That usually works for a while, though I do have to remind him every so often.
It also helps that he doesn't have to work *all* evening -- he knows he still gets an hour or two for video games after the dishes are done or whatever.

It may also help if you divide up the chores and let him do the ones that he hates the least. For example, my hubby absolutely hates doing laundry (and I don't trust him with all of my clothes, lol) so he'll happily do another chore if it means he doesn't have to do laundry!

Getting into a routine is also helpful (but I guess getting that routine started is the hard part, lol). For example, we have an agreement that during the school year, hubby always cooks and washes dishes since I rarely have time, and I will cook on school breaks or on rare occasions when I have a lot of free time. He normally cooks quick and easy meals, which is fine by me since I'm thrilled he cooks at all, so when I cook I like to make nicer meals to give us a treat!
I also let him order pizza once a week so he gets a day off from cooking
I then do the weekly chores (laundry, cleaning the bathroom, etc) since they're easier to fit into my schedule. And we've already agreed that when I graduate, we'll work out a more even division of labor since we'll probably each have about the same amount of free time!

 
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way 1: tell him if he is going to act like a child you wil treat him like one and hide his games - only let them have them when he is being good -

Way 2: talk to him like an adult tell him he can play it but he has other responsibilities as well set aside time that is for him to play on it as long as he likes - eg mondays he has to help put or take you and teh kids out.. however wednesday nights he can play on the computer as long as he wants

 
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Quote:
Thanx fot the ideas. What is it with guys and videogames/internet/porn? It drives me nuts! Well, I am into those things too. Tho I do not have any responsiblity. Maybe responsibility is something to do with it?
 
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it sounds like he needs to grow up and share the responsibility of bringing up children. i was watching a parenting program the other day and it seems like guys are always so laid back about everything
 
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How about joining hubby when playing video games? ehehehe. I love video games and we usually play together when we have some spare time. I don't think there is nothing wrong with video games as long as there is moderation.

NOW about 'porn, we stay away from it.

I still believe that communication is the key instead of yelling or putting restrictions. Those things may be worse.

Having children might be another story though, I don-t really know, we dont have children, just my cat :icon_love


 
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I think communication and comprimise will help a lot, as for the porn couple councilling may help if you can't work it out between you.Good Luckx

 
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, lemme guess??? Halo 2? LOL. Sorry, but we guys love games. There isn't a bigger computer geek here amongst the MUT users that is larger than I am...NOT EVEN GIRL GEEK, Can you imagine?
SMOOCHES GG

It has to do with a man's conscience. I always have a guilty feeling if my wife and my son are sitting downstairs watching TV or something. So I know I have to limit my time on the computer, whether it's playing games or just on the computer. I am more of a programmer than a gamer, but heck, I do like my games(Quake 3, Urban Terror, etc), but I try to limit those to when my family is sleeping, not home or something

He needs to get his priority right. Altho I don't have an asnwer for you, I am just trying to help you understand. As for porn....can I ask, are you attractive? Heavy? Overweight? Is he? I am just asking. This could have something to do w/ it.

 
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Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, lemme guess??? Halo 2? LOL. Sorry, but we guys love games. There isn't a bigger computer geek here amongst the MUT users that is larger than I am...NOT EVEN GIRL GEEK, Can you imagine?
SMOOCHES GG Hey I know I'm not the biggest geek around, hence "girl geek" as the user name, and not just "geek" ... I am only half geek, and half girl


Originally Posted by Tony(admin) He needs to get his priority right. Altho I don't have an asnwer for you, I am just trying to help you understand. As for porn....can I ask, are you attractive? Heavy? Overweight? Is he? I am just asking. This could have something to do w/ it. Goodness, Tony, I hope he is not looking at porn because he doesn't find his wife attractive .... I know there are lots of girls that are more physically attractive than me (I have no boobs or butt, for one! lol) but that doesn't make hubby look at porn! (In fact he is always telling me how great I look, which is certainly a confidence boost for me!
) A husband should accept his wife for who she is!
Of course my opinions might be a little biased because hubby and I both agree that porn is wrong and we never watch it, but I know that many couples think it is perfectly healthy and normal (in moderation at least).... To address the original poster, this is just something that you need to discuss with your husband. Tell him you are uncomfortable with it and if you can't reach an agreement and it is affecting your relationship, then a counsellor would be a good idea!

 
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Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, lemme guess??? Halo 2? LOL. Sorry, but we guys love games. There isn't a bigger computer geek here amongst the MUT users that is larger than I am...NOT EVEN GIRL GEEK, Can you imagine?
SMOOCHES GG
It has to do with a man's conscience. I always have a guilty feeling if my wife and my son are sitting downstairs watching TV or something. So I know I have to limit my time on the computer, whether it's playing games or just on the computer. I am more of a programmer than a gamer, but heck, I do like my games(Quake 3, Urban Terror, etc), but I try to limit those to when my family is sleeping, not home or something

He needs to get his priority right. Altho I don't have an asnwer for you, I am just trying to help you understand. As for porn....can I ask, are you attractive? Heavy? Overweight? Is he? I am just asking. This could have something to do w/ it.

Tony, he has the problem NOT her!!!!

 
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Excuse me for being blunt, but I would like to ask a question? Did your husband come from a family where his mother catered to him? What kind of an upbringing did he have? He takes you for granted and obviously he is not showing you that your needs are important to him. He is selfish. Marraige is a partnership and he is supposed to be your companion. While I feel it is good for each person to have their own activities, this guy is ignoring your pleas and I am sure you do not feel very loved when this happens. I don't feel you should have to find things to do with the kids everytime he is unavailable for you. What kind of a marraige is that? Also, all of your crying and begging is not going to change the situation...but if it continues you will lose your sense of self worth and/or you will resent him to the point where you will not care about him anymore. I strongly suggest you have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him point blank if there is a reason he would rather play video games instead of spending time with his family. Look him straight in the eye as he speaks. Recommend to him that you would like the both of you to seek marraige counseling. May-be a counselor could make him understand that his wife and children are supposed to be his #1 priority. If he won't go, think about going yourself. You can be helped regarding dealing with this situation. You may even discover through counseling, that you no longer wish to deal with this lonely situation. You are a young woman and you have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve a mate who satisfies your needs and those of your children. By the way, don't threaten him unless you are willing to follow through. Keep your wits about you and ask yourself this question....ARE YOU BETTER OFF WITH HIM OR WOULD YOU BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM IN YOUR LIFE. HOW DOES HE ENRICH YOUR LIFE. IF YOU HAD A SERIOUS PROBLEM, GOD FORBID, DO YOU FEEL SECURE THAT THIS PERSON WOULD BE THERE FOR YOU AND WOULD HE TAKE CARE OF YOU AND MAKE YOU THE PRIORITY OR WOULD HE JUST PACIFY YOU.

I hope I am not being too blunt, but nothing is worse than a lonely marriage and I certainly have had enough friends over the years who have experienced what you are going through. One friend in particular was complaining about a selfish husband when she was in her twenties. In fact her family urged her to leave him, but she didn't. She is now in her fifties and nothing has changed and she regrets wasting so many years with him.

Please let me know how you are doing and what is going on. I care.

Petite Syrah

 
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Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, lemme guess??? Halo 2? LOL. Sorry, but we guys love games. There isn't a bigger computer geek here amongst the MUT users that is larger than I am...NOT EVEN GIRL GEEK, Can you imagine?
SMOOCHES GG I challenge you on that one. I am a pretty huge geek.
With me it is the opposite, I work my ass off, but when I am not working my ass off on the computer/phone I am playing like 15 hour hunks of video games. My husband HATES it.

For me it is a total escape, if I am bored, video games. If I am depressed, video games... maybe he isn't happy?

As for the "her being overweight?" comment! that is totally uncalled for dude... I have a very guy like personality and I think I can speak for Me and most other dudes when I say, No matter how hot my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/whatever is... flying solo and sex are a completely different game... and sometimes it is hard to always get it when you want it... Lots of guys just look at porn as a easy way to get off... and have no feelings towards the girls and def. are not comparing them to you.

 
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My husband plays video games and used to look at porn. Still haven't fixed the video game issue, but marriage counseling fixed the porn issue. Marriage counseling is great! I can keep him off the games for the whole day (or when he gets home from work) by watching a movie or making some other plans and telling him about them before he gets home. Once he is on though, he will play until 1am even when he has to work the next day. I feel your pain though because if he happens to get on the video games on the weekends, he will play until 4am and think he can sleep all day the next day. He plays final fantasy and I know all I would have to do is delete his character and there goes 2 years worth of work, I threaten him with that sometimes. As far as the playing with him advise, it can be fun (yes Ive done it) but it also makes him think he can do it even more than he already does because you do it too.

 
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I think video games can be an addiction, like porn can be. Some video games arent a problem. Even hours at a time, I am talking your life is falling apart thing. My boyfriend isnt into video games much. We are both on the computer a lot, I may be worse, sometimes when I am at his house I am on his computer for a few hours, he is already in his room asleep waiting on me, ha. I know he looks at porn, but it doesnt bother me, I know it doesnt have anything to do with me, I would rather that than real life girls. We have seen it together too. We dont live together and so he doesnt see me everyday. I did have a problem when I found out he looked at it too much. I know a lot more about computers than he does. He didnt know I knew he had been to a zillion sites, but I had a talk with him b/c it was looking at way too many sites for a normal guy. Now it is not often at all. It doesnt bother me. He is way too busy (he works a lot and is a clean freak) to spend his life looking at porn whether movies, internet, mags, or playing video games (I gave him some video games last year and they are still shrink wrapped).

 
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Lol, I usually just shout at him and get explode, my husband would turn off the PS2 and start helping me out.

I'm quite a witchy in my own house lol.

 
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My hubby wants a gaming console, and that is the very reason I refuse to let him buy it. I know if we had it, that's all he'd do. And he knows it too. He does spend quite a lot of time on the computer, but he's pretty good about getting off when I saw something. The only thing I can say is maybe keeping talking, pleading, and begging, or just hide the mouse. I've had to do that a couple of times...


 
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My husband is the same way with the internet and porn. The first time I "caught" him looking, I was totally disgusted. After being married for 7 years, I tell him to go right ahead. As you get older, you learn to choose your battles. As long as he's just looking and not touching. I even look along with him sometimes! Anyway, I know this sounds so awful, but when I really need something, good old fashioned sex usually works and then I ask him while he's still got the afterglow. He's always more eager to help out after a good romp. I know, I know, not a very women's lib thing to say but sometimes it's about give and take, "give" being the operative word.

 
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i would kick my husbands ass if i caught him looking at porn and not wanting me to be with him(doing it secretly). i would be mad b/c of him trying to do it behind my back. not that i really care to see it but you know . although we have tried it in the past to watch together i think i laughed more than got off on it.

Originally Posted by Dianna671 My husband is the same way with the internet and porn. The first time I "caught" him looking, I was totally disgusted. After being married for 7 years, I tell him to go right ahead. As you get older, you learn to choose your battles. As long as he's just looking and not touching. I even look along with him sometimes! Anyway, I know this sounds so awful, but when I really need something, good old fashioned sex usually works and then I ask him while he's still got the afterglow. He's always more eager to help out after a good romp. I know, I know, not a very women's lib thing to say but sometimes it's about give and take, "give" being the operative word.
 

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