How much is too much,Before I walk away?

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Hello, I am asking this to see what you all thought. This is long I tend to Ramble sorry!

I have this person I am in love with. We met at a Club on new years 2011. I was star struck.

Normally i dont walk up to anyone,people walk up to me. For whatever reason i went up to her and said hello. We became really good friends, The feeling Like you have known this person for ever. a few months later i worked up the courage and asked her to be my girlfriend. She polity Declined and said no i am with Someone,You know this.Then she tells me

"If i was single Yes id go out with you".

This would be the last time we would see each other for about a year. The next week we would get into a big fight over something dumb. Fast forward to March 2012 I was on Facebook and she sends me a Message,As soon as i saw her name I got a big smile.

After our argument she told me to "F*&? off",so i respected her wishes and didnt text call or im her,I was the one who deleted her off my FB.  It sucked and everyone i worked with knew that something was wrong that day.  I would always talk about her with my bff,and my Girl would tell me move on lol.

So that day when she finds me online,She says shes sorry for what happend,and has been stalking me for the last few weeks trying to figure out how to say hi. My smile grew even bigger knowing that she HAD Missed me just like i had missed her.

So in may she calls me and tells me to come over, I would end up spending Four days with her and her Girlfriend. We party get drunk,do each others makeup,play cops and robbers,go clubbing. Stuff you do with friends.

Well some stuff happend between me and Jess, while Her GF Was at work.I wont get into details. After the four days she tells me to come over anytime and her place is mine.

I Always had this feeling she liked me,But i could never add things up. My bff said i was her emotional pillow while others said she likes you,no doubt.

My birthday was coming, she offered to get me something,and then when it happens nothing from her at all. Not even a Happy bday,yes ill admit a part of me didnt want to be reminded of another year older closer to age,but it would have been nice for her to say Happy bday.

She Constantly hits on me,and makes me feel special,But then theres days when shes not there. The other day i offered to get her and her Gf in at this club i work at. and they have the gull to ask me to be the sober one to drive them home  when im the one paying the bill WTF?

Today i texted her I was moving to Oregon and all she said was thats crazy just packing up and going. My response was""why stay? Nothings here for me i feel the people here hate me"

nothing still no reply from her.

I get the feeling i am her emotional rescue,and Only her friend who doesnt do drugs,cheat or steal. Im honest and loyal,and she likes me being that puppy dog.

Im leaving Arizona because it hurts me too much be dragged by her.

AM I Being selfish for wanting to break up our friendship?

 
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I'm not really one to move to get away from someone but I don't really think you have a friendship with that girl. I think she is using you to fill her time.  I say run run away...far far away.

 
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What you want from her and what she wants from you are two different things. She's keeping you close for the times she needs you. She's nice when she wants something from you but she's not doing anything for your own happiness. At least this is what I get from reading your post. If you stop doing her favors she might not even contact you anymore.    You have to think with a clear mind what you want and if it will ever happen. You're not happy with the current situation so it has to change. It can change in the way you want and get together with her, or the way u don't really want but might just have to and forget about her.      You're not being selfish for just wanting to be happy.

 
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Sounds like you're just being used for her benefit and when she needs you.  I read this awesome quote recently that made me feel less guilty for not helping someone who only comes to me when they need a favor. "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot I only exist when you need something." People will treat you the way you let yourself be treated and it sounds like she knows she has this advantage over you.

There's someone in my family who is exactly like this and I absolutely refuse to do anything for that person as much as I love them.  They only call when they need a favor and since I've turned right out and rejected their requests, they have since then stopped calling me. It saddens me but it is the way it is. 

 
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Thanks Ladies :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

She texted me right after I got to work this morning. Saying she had a room for rent,and it was mine if i could pay half the rent.

Then she throws in that her and her GF are gonna be braking up.  How nice huh? 


 
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No you're not being selfish, she is. Look out for yourself and take care of you because you're the only one that's going to.

 
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I think you deserve to be happy. If she truly care about you and wanted to be with you she would not be playing these games.  I think it is best for you to move on, and maybe this will make her wake up and realize what she has lost. 

 
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Alot has happened since I wrote this. I wont get into details,but over the last month i kept giving the hint that i was moving,and i had no reason to stay.

She got really close to me,and asked me to sleep over alot. Last week she was at the braking point with her GF, and asked if she could come to portland with me.  Once i left she would be sad,and would call me everyday. We kissed each other,and made plans for friday.

Friday she blew me out no call no show. Word on the street is that her and the GF were at a party,making up.

she hasnt called,texted or Facebook me to say anything,so she is prob back to her old self.

Now i see that i am her rebound girl,and im nice and always there for her so she uses me as she pleases.

I have a date this weekend,and she knows. I want to say im done,but i know once she calls me ill do the same thing and runback to her.


 
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Originally Posted by AshleyE28 /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Now i see that i am her rebound girl,and im nice and always there for her so she uses me as she pleases.

I have a date this weekend,and she knows. I want to say im done,but i know once she calls me ill do the same thing and runback to her.
People will treat you the way you let them. Being nice doesn't mean you have to be weak. Learn that you're worth more and that you deserve someone who will appreciate you, not use you. If you don't get out of the cycle of running back to her, you will never be truly happy bc you are the one setting yourself up for failure. You know what's going on, you know what's she doing and yet you know you'll go back when she calls. Ironically, this technically puts you in control of the situation, not her. Hard as it may be it's up to you to change it, not her. I truly wish you the best. All we're guaranteed is the moment we're living, might as well spend it as happy as possible. 

 

Dalylah

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This will sound cruel, but you have become her "backup". She runs to you when she doesn't have someone else.  When you allow her to toss you aside and then continue to take her back you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak. She will undoubtedly continue to do so until you change things. You have to be the one to take control of your life, not be waiting around for someone who obviously doesn't have your best interests at heart. You have intrinsic value and deserve to be respected and loved properly. I don't care what you look like or how unlovable you may feel at times...you deserve more. Someone out there is going to discover you and find all of the wonderful things that make you special and appreciate you the right way. Bottom line is that until you decide to move on and let your heart mend I suspect this relationship will be nothing but pain and disappointment for you.

 
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Friday afternoon she called me so i came over,no one on my end was in town. Well we kissed and cuddled each other.Her girlfriend saw us,and broke us up.  Then we went to the club and some guy attempted  to go to town on me. When i told her what had happend she got really REALLY pist.  

do you guys feel that the horoscope is correct/right? Everything i do on there leads me to her. argh!

 
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Horoscopes are vague and you read into it however you want/what every you want.  If that is what you want to see/subconsciously want, then that will come forth.  Pretty much everyone here was in consensus that she is not 'The One'.  Perhaps you are wanting to live dangerously and go against what is logical?  Sometimes that is exciting but in the end, what felt wrong to begin with, will be wrong in the end.  

 
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Originally Posted by divadoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Horoscopes are vague and you read into it however you want/what every you want.  If that is what you want to see/subconsciously want, then that will come forth.  Pretty much everyone here was in consensus that she is not 'The One'.  Perhaps you are wanting to live dangerously and go against what is logical?  Sometimes that is exciting but in the end, what felt wrong to begin with, will be wrong in the end.  
I just want her, no matter what i do is cant away from her. I really am in love with this girl.

Early Saturday morning her GF got kicked out of the club. We stayed because the GF asked us too.

After she got home she got drunk and would text us telling how much she hated us,and how it was over.

When we got back they got into it,and after the GF started blaiming me for EVERYTHING. My feeling right now is

that if they got back together,then theres no reason for me to stay over there. When the GF has a substance abuse problem,and acts like a child,and started yelling at me for no reason.

 
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The way I see it is that you are in the middle of someone else's relationship. Whether it is over for them or not, you shouldn't be involved. Love has nothing to do with it. It's about morals and conscience. Don't try to portray yourself as the rescuer when in reality, you are the destructor. What goes around, comes around.

 
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Originally Posted by divadoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif
The way I see it is that you are in the middle of someone else's relationship. Whether it is over for them or not, you shouldn't be involved. Love has nothing to do with it. It's about morals and conscience. Don't try to portray yourself as the rescuer when in reality, you are the destructor. What goes around, comes around.
How am i the Rescuer or the distructor?  I dont make the girlfriend take massive hits of coke,or get drunk out her mind,shes a grown women she can make her choices. I just happpend to be there that one night,and the GF took it out on me.

 
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Originally Posted by AshleyE28 /img/forum/go_quote.gif


How am i the Rescuer or the distructor?  I dont make the girlfriend take massive hits of coke,or get drunk out her mind,shes a grown women she can make her choices. I just happpend to be there that one night,and the GF took it out on me.
I think what divadoll is trying to say is that the woman you're interested in is already in a relationship. Whether or not she hit on you or approached you first, she was already seeing someone..regardless if her relationship's good, bad or unhealthy. It might be best to exercise some self control and break away. Unless of course, you like being in the middle and thrive on the drama. It's not your job to rescue her, she could do that for herself if she so strongly desired. Ever heard the expression "captain save a hoe?" Well, I'm not saying that's her, but you are pinning yourself out like you're trying to go out of your way and help her, but there seems to be nothing but grief. You've allowed yourself to become a backup resource for her and she's going to continue to use you that way. Take a stand and tell her to choose or walk away..Solutions are usually simpler than we think, it's actually implementing them that's the hard part. 

If you're content to keep running circles around each other and live with so much drama, by all means stay. If you truly desire to be happy with yourself and another person, walk away and know your worth. The fact that you wanted assistance and shared your story looking for advice, says that you knew something wasn't right from the beginning. You got advice and now what..you're still in the same position and attempting to justify your dysfunctional relationship? Love doesn't work that way...we want what's best for the people we love, including letting them go and standing on their own. If she has substance abuse issues or hangs with people who do and you don't..why get involved? That's a whole another world of problems and issues to tackle.

Reread what you just wrote..shes a grown woman and can make her own choices...that goes for every single one of you involved. Make a choice and stick with it. 

 
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What I was saying is that you are also an adult and you should make your own choices. You are trying to portray yourself asan innocent bystander whom things just happen to. Innocent bystander that's just hanging around kissing and cuddling with someone else's girlfriend and who is shocked when they get called out. You are trying to rescue the girl you like from her girlfriend but really you are positioning yourself for their breakup. If I wasn't clear, I'm sure misslinda drove it home for you. You knew it was wrong so do the right thing and walk away from the poisoned relationship and don't act all surprised when people call you out for the BS excuses that keeps you stuck in that situation.

 
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Originally Posted by divadoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif
What I was saying is that you are also an adult and you should make your own choices. You are trying to portray yourself asan innocent bystander whom things just happen to. Innocent bystander that's just hanging around kissing and cuddling with someone else's girlfriend and who is shocked when they get called out.

You are trying to rescue the girl you like from her girlfriend but really you are positioning yourself for their breakup.

If I wasn't clear, I'm sure misslinda drove it home for you. You knew it was wrong so do the right thing and walk away from the poisoned relationship and don't act all surprised when people call you out for the BS excuses that keeps you stuck in that situation.
The truth hurts,But your correct.

 

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