I don't want kids! Have you ever felt like this? Even if you have kids now

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I'm curious to know, does anyone else feel like this? I've felt this way for about 10 years now and the older I get, the more I don't want them. Have you ever felt this way, and did things change?

 
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I didn't even play with baby dolls as a child. I never wanted children and it took SEVERAL years of arguing before the military was willing to give me a tubal. They were concerned I'd change my mind, but to be honest? Nope. The thought of having it reversed has NEVER crossed my mind. I genuinely feel there would be less child abuse if more women/men who don't want kids were comfortable with admitting it, but (especially for women) society seems to think there is something wrong with those of us who know we aren't cut out for parenting (seriously, the amount of times I've been called a child-hater is sickening. And I don't hate kids--I just don't want them)

 
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I don't want kids (or at least I don't want my OWN kids). I never have, I've been saying this since I was probably...10? People kept telling me I would change my mind. I'm 24 now, and I still have no desire to have children, and people STILL say "give it time, you'll change your mind". I really wish they wouldn't, because no, I won't. 

I can definitely see myself being a foster parent some day, and maybe adopting an older child or something, but this is at least 20 years down the road for me. 

 
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My husband and I decided very early on to be child-free, for several reasons, not the least of which is we're simply too old. We were both almost forty when we married, the first marriage for each of us, and frankly we felt that late-30's is way too old for a first child.

 
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I feel like this and I only have one.  He'll be 7 in August and he was a surprise but if I hadn't had him I seriously doubt I would've had one by now. I know myself. I'm not instinctively a mother. I had him when I was 17 and I can say that now that he's older, I've grown more selfish with my "me" time and the independence I've gotten since he no longer needs to be with me 24/7.  I consciously have to be selfless with my son but I don't think that's necessarily bad. He's never suffered for it and is a very loved child. He's always put first as the dependent child he is. His life is in my hands and his well being is my obligation.  Does that mean he's the absolute center of my universe and everything revolves around him? NO! He is a blessing addition to our family but not what defines us. I have a hectic schedule and I don't feel the need to bring an other child into this mess.  I'm loving the way things are atm.  My husband comes from a big family and they're always asking when we'll have another one, ugh.  Then when I say we don't feel the need to have one (yet) or anytime soon they look at me like I'm diseased or something.  Personally I don't like dealing with other people's kids either and I don't force my son onto anyone ("aww look he's so cute!" "aww look at him in this outfit!!!" "my child can do this!!!" "look at this video!!")

Maybe in a few years when I have time to start over I will.  I do sometimes feel the urge to have another one but it passes just as quickly lol. 

 
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I didn't want kids, and never thought I would have any, but my husband very much wanted children and I warmed up to the idea, and we had Bella. I can definitely say she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Shes such a great little person. For awhile I thought I wanted lots of kids, and then changed my mind and decided that I didn't want any more. And then I got pregnant again. Oops :/

This time I can say with certainty that I will NEVER do this again. Ever. No freaking way.

 
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I knew when I was a kid that I would never be a mom, and finally at 31 I got Essure with thankfully NO hassles from my doctors. Almost four years later, it's still on the list of top ten decisions I've ever made.

 

Dalylah

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I never wanted kids. I never had that urge to be a mommy or felt particularly maternal. I had quite a few friends and even roommates with kids but still had no desire for them. I planned to travel. While in a long term relationship I found myself pregnant despite constant birth control (depo-provera doesn't always work lol). I didn't have the heart to abort even though he wanted me to. We broke up and I was a single mom for 3 years. Then I met and married a man who already had a child. After that point he wanted us to have one of our own, so we did...and another. Then he got fixed. Although I never "wanted" them, I am infinitely glad I had them.

As for people who don't want them and/or never have them, I admire their honesty and courage to make their own choices despite the rudeness of other people. So many people feel that their way is the only way. That could not be more untrue and each human should follow what they feel is right for them.

Do I ever wish that I had never had them? Honestly, sometimes. I think even the parents who were dying to have kids feel that way sometimes so I don't berrate myself too much for that. They are the most exhausting, amazing thing to ever happen to me lol.

 
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I just can't stand the idea of having to be responsible for a whole other person aside from myself. To be honest, I just feel selfish. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and I don't want to have to drag another person around with me. When I want to do something, I love the freedom that I have to be able to do it. It definitely irritates me when people are like "give it time" or "wait until you fall in love. When you find that special someone, you'll change your mind". I really wish they would stop that and respect my choice.

I also wish more people would be honest with themselves and not have kids. So many children born to people who really shouldn't be parents. I agree with Calexxia; I think there would be less instances of child abuse.

 

Dalylah

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Originally Posted by Beautiijunkii /img/forum/go_quote.gif

... To be honest, I just feel selfish. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it and I don't want to have to drag another person around with me.
I don't find that selfish at all. I think you are being honest. You feel a specific way and make rational decisions accordingly. I dig that.

 
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Originally Posted by Adrienne /img/forum/go_quote.gif

 Does that mean he's the absolute center of my universe and everything revolves around him? NO! He is a blessing addition to our family but not what defines us.
Well put!

I didn't want children until the right relationship came along to make me think it would be ok.  We did not plan our first child but we did plan his sibling.  1 child was lonely for my son and we thought it would be best that he had a sibling so that when my husband and I die or if we died accidentally, he would have someone.  Our children are part of our family, I don't know what it would be like without them but my world is larger than my children. I want my children need to see that mom has a life outside with a function other than being a mother.  

 
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Having a child is both a blessing and a burden. I can relate to this question because I also had an unplanned pregnancy. Fortunately, in the long run, the burdens that come along are easily overcome by the happiness and blessings that come with having children.

 
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Thanks doll!

Originally Posted by Dalylah /img/forum/go_quote.gif


I don't find that selfish at all. I think you are being honest. You feel a specific way and make rational decisions accordingly. I dig that.
 
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Originally Posted by Beautiijunkii /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Thanks doll!
NEVER EVER EVER let anyone tell you (even yourself) that it's selfish not to want a child. That's one of the most common criticisms leveled at women who choose to remain CF. And from a logical standpoint, isn't it "more" selfish to WANT a kid than not to? :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> (I MAKE THAT STATEMENT WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO CHOOSES TO BE A PARENT)

 
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I have never wanted kids a day in my life. My mom would buy me talking baby dolls and I would literally get so mad at them crying I threw them out (a GOOD sign you should never be a parent lol). I definitely feel that whole don't want to be responsible for anyone but myself thing....except I LOVE animals. As a kid I would take in strays and even now I'd have 50 animals if I could. I just feel maternal around them, but for some reason lack that feeling around children. My boyfriends brother had a baby....he's going on 2 and I've never even held him, played with him, anything and have no interest in doing so. I feel like a horrible person >.< Sorry for repost my phone isn't posting correctly

 
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DON'T feel like a horrible person--EVERYONE has a different reason for being on this planet; yours is likely to do with the love you feel towards animals. It isn't a negative thing that you don't feel maternal!

I am maternal, I guess...just not towards babies (really don't care for them). I've always said that it's better for this world that I can be a positive influence on MULTIPLE kids, rather than on just one or two of my own, where I might not BE as positive an influence...with other folks' kids, I can stay upbeat, etc. But with my own, I'm quite certain I'd be cranky and all that....it really isn't where my destiny ever lay. I'm lucky that I was able to realize that very young.

 
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Originally Posted by calexxia /img/forum/go_quote.gif

DON'T feel like a horrible person--EVERYONE has a different reason for being on this planet; yours is likely to do with the love you feel towards animals. It isn't a negative thing that you don't feel maternal!

I am maternal, I guess...just not towards babies (really don't care for them). I've always said that it's better for this world that I can be a positive influence on MULTIPLE kids, rather than on just one or two of my own, where I might not BE as positive an influence...with other folks' kids, I can stay upbeat, etc. But with my own, I'm quite certain I'd be cranky and all that....it really isn't where my destiny ever lay. I'm lucky that I was able to realize that very young.
Agreed! If I want to make a difference, I'd really prefer to do with with a Girl Scout troop or through a youth shelter or something like that.

 
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Personally, I'm in between. There's days when I think, "damn, i don't want no kids!" And then there's other days when I look at my sisters kids and wish I could share the same bond with my own child.

There are three main reasons I don't want kids:

1. I'm deathly afraid of giving birth! I have really bad menstrual symptoms, so what more if I have to give birth?

2. When babies are sleeping I have this fear that they're not breathing. I always feel the need to slightly wake them up to see if they're ok

3. I wanna travel around the world. Although I'm sure it's possible, it seems a lot more difficult to travel with a baby/child.

Idk, right now I'm in between. I'm giving myself three years max to make my choice.

 
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Originally Posted by aleeeshuh /img/forum/go_quote.gif

2. When babies are sleeping I have this fear that they're not breathing. I always feel the need to slightly wake them up to see if they're ok
This is still a fear of mine! I'll go in my son's room when he's sleeping and poke him just to make sure he moves lol.

 
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Thanks! What I mean was, I feel selfish because I just want to do whatever I want, when I want without the obligation to a child. I just want to be responsible for myself, and to live my live to the fullest.

Originally Posted by calexxia /img/forum/go_quote.gif

NEVER EVER EVER let anyone tell you (even yourself) that it's selfish not to want a child. That's one of the most common criticisms leveled at women who choose to remain CF. And from a logical standpoint, isn't it "more" selfish to WANT a kid than not to? :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> (I MAKE THAT STATEMENT WITH ABSOLUTELY NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO CHOOSES TO BE A PARENT)
I can definitely relate to you on this one. I love animals and want some really bad. I'd love to have a dog!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fairest of all /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I have never wanted kids a day in my life. My mom would buy me talking baby dolls and I would literally get so mad at them crying I threw them out (a GOOD sign you should never be a parent lol). I definitely feel that whole don't want to be responsible for anyone but myself thing....except I LOVE animals. As a kid I would take in strays and even now I'd have 50 animals if I could. I just feel maternal around them, but for some reason lack that feeling around children. My boyfriends brother had a baby....he's going on 2 and I've never even held him, played with him, anything and have no interest in doing so. I feel like a horrible person >.<
Sorry for repost my phone isn't posting correctly

 

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