I don't want kids! Have you ever felt like this? Even if you have kids now

[Isabelsjewely]

Growing up I never played with babydolls, and I seriously never wanted to have children. In fact I was very dead set against having children b/c of my childhood.Then I got married and my husband took my last name and part of the deal was he would take my last name if we had at least one child. Long story short I am now a mother of a 3 year old and for the most part I am pretty happy with my decision. There are days I'd like to ring his neck but I think that's normal for anyone with a little boy going through the terrible 3's. I love my child to death but man if anyone can bring Jesus back from the dead it will be him and Jesus will be comin after him with a stick!

I dont think you're being selfish b/c you dont want children, I think you're being smart! LOL

 

[Isabelsjewely]

Originally Posted by aleeeshuh /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Personally, I'm in between. There's days when I think, "damn, i don't want no kids!" And then there's other days when I look at my sisters kids and wish I could share the same bond with my own child.

There are three main reasons I don't want kids:

1. I'm deathly afraid of giving birth! I have really bad menstrual symptoms, so what more if I have to give birth?

2. When babies are sleeping I have this fear that they're not breathing. I always feel the need to slightly wake them up to see if they're ok

3. I wanna travel around the world. Although I'm sure it's possible, it seems a lot more difficult to travel with a baby/child.

Idk, right now I'm in between. I'm giving myself three years max to make my choice.

No one will ever tell you what pain you're going to feel when giving birth! Everyone will tell you that you wont feel a thing and that you will forget about it if you do. And that goes even if you opt for an epidural! I was in labor for over 14 hours, had an epidural and very much felt it when they cut my vajayjay and even then I still tore to my poopshoot! I felt everything and even felt it while they stitched me up. SMART WOMEN DO NOT FORGET THAT TYPE OF PAIN!

I'm not trying to scare you off from having children, just keepin it real! LOL

 

[BrittneyMarie]

Originally Posted by Isabelsjewely /img/forum/go_quote.gif


No one will ever tell you what pain you're going to feel when giving birth! Everyone will tell you that you wont feel a thing and that you will forget about it if you do. And that goes even if you opt for an epidural! I was in labor for over 14 hours, had an epidural and very much felt it when they cut my vajayjay and even then I still tore to my poopshoot! I felt everything and even felt it while they stitched me up. SMART WOMEN DO NOT FORGET THAT TYPE OF PAIN!

I'm not trying to scare you off from having children, just keepin it real! LOL

My stupid epidural wore off after two hours and having it placed hurt worse then the birth itself. Boo!

 

[zadidoll]

Originally Posted by Beautiijunkii /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I'm curious to know, does anyone else feel like this? I've felt this way for about 10 years now and the older I get, the more I don't want them. Have you ever felt this way, and did things change?

Oh goodness yes. If you didn't want kids then and don't now most likely you won't in the future. Not everyone is meant to have kids. I have a friend who he and his wife never wanted kids and they don't and they enjoy their lives to the fullest with trips around the world, do things they want, when they want. I love my kids but when you have kids you have to put them first and not yourself. Nothing wrong with not wanting kids nor not having kids. Enjoy your life!

 

[aleeeshuh]

LOL. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!! They look a little too peaceful sometimes.

Originally Posted by Adrienne /img/forum/go_quote.gif


This is still a fear of mine! I'll go in my son's room when he's sleeping and poke him just to make sure he moves lol.

Actually I've heard many stories and NONE are ever pleasant. My brother and sister continue to remind me that while my mom was giving birth she almost died. Traumatizing much?!!! 

Originally Posted by Isabelsjewely /img/forum/go_quote.gif


No one will ever tell you what pain you're going to feel when giving birth! Everyone will tell you that you wont feel a thing and that you will forget about it if you do. And that goes even if you opt for an epidural! I was in labor for over 14 hours, had an epidural and very much felt it when they cut my vajayjay and even then I still tore to my poopshoot! I felt everything and even felt it while they stitched me up. SMART WOMEN DO NOT FORGET THAT TYPE OF PAIN!

I'm not trying to scare you off from having children, just keepin it real! LOL

 

[Tyari]

Thank you so much. So many people (my mom and sister in law) tell me to wait until I find that special someone, or they'll even say, "what if you fall in love and he wants kids"? Well that's something we'll have to establish during the gettin to know you stage. I mean, that's something you kinda touch on in the beginning,  right? To my knowledge, you don't wait until you're practically inseparable to talk about whether you want kids or not.

Originally Posted by zadidoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif


Oh goodness yes. If you didn't want kids then and don't now most likely you won't in the future. Not everyone is meant to have kids. I have a friend who he and his wife never wanted kids and they don't and they enjoy their lives to the fullest with trips around the world, do things they want, when they want. I love my kids but when you have kids you have to put them first and not yourself. Nothing wrong with not wanting kids nor not having kids. Enjoy your life!

I want to travel too!

Originally Posted by aleeeshuh /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Personally, I'm in between. There's days when I think, "damn, i don't want no kids!" And then there's other days when I look at my sisters kids and wish I could share the same bond with my own child.

There are three main reasons I don't want kids:

1. I'm deathly afraid of giving birth! I have really bad menstrual symptoms, so what more if I have to give birth?

2. When babies are sleeping I have this fear that they're not breathing. I always feel the need to slightly wake them up to see if they're ok

3. I wanna travel around the world. Although I'm sure it's possible, it seems a lot more difficult to travel with a baby/child.

Idk, right now I'm in between. I'm giving myself three years max to make my choice.

 

[Kittygirl4]

Quote:Originally Posted by Fairest of all /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I have never wanted kids a day in my life. My mom would buy me talking baby dolls and I would literally get so mad at them crying I threw them out (a GOOD sign you should never be a parent lol). I definitely feel that whole don't want to be responsible for anyone but myself thing....except I LOVE animals. As a kid I would take in strays and even now I'd have 50 animals if I could. I just feel maternal around them, but for some reason lack that feeling around children. My boyfriends brother had a baby....he's going on 2 and I've never even held him, played with him, anything and have no interest in doing so. I feel like a horrible person >.<
Sorry for repost my phone isn't posting correctly


This is exactly how I've always been! I felt like I must be strange because I'd rather have animals than children. When I see couples having kids, I wonder if I'm missing out on something, but still have no desire to deal with children. It's not that I dislike kids, but they get on my nerves pretty quickly and I'm just not cut out for it. My husband doesn't have the patience for kids either and we both like doing what we want to do, when we want to do it. I'm happy with my husband and our animals! My poor mom has finally realized that she will only be getting furry grandkids from me! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[alphaloria]

Originally Posted by Beautiijunkii /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Thank you so much. So many people (my mom and sister in law) tell me to wait until I find that special someone, or they'll even say, "what if you fall in love and he wants kids"? Well that's something we'll have to establish during the gettin to know you stage. I mean, that's something you kinda touch on in the beginning,  right? To my knowledge, you don't wait until you're practically inseparable to talk about whether you want kids or not.

I made that mistake in my last relationship. We were a month in and head over heels for each other (hey I move fast, lol) when she told me she wanted to be a mom by the time she was 30 and I told her no kids for me ever. After much talking and tears, we decided to just live in the now and see where life took us, but it was a little black cloud hanging out over us for a long time. She changed her mind, and we eventually broke up for other reasons, but lesson learned.

When I met my now boyfriend, I was certain I was going to fall for him immediately because of that whole I-move-fast thing, so I told him on our first date that I was childfree. He just about fist-pumped because he'd been with women previously who started showing signs of ticking clocks and it always signaled the end of things.

Lots of people don't talk about kids early on, but if it's a hard line for you then you really need to.

 

[alphaloria]

Originally Posted by Kittygirl4 /img/forum/go_quote.gif


My poor mom has finally realized that she will only be getting furry grandkids from me! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

My mother sends me Mother's Day cards and frequently asks about her "grandcats!" She's been really awesome about my decision to not have kids.

 

[MarbleSky]

I never wanted or planned on having kids. Then my "surprise" child came to be and I felt completely different. I have 3 biological and one step-child and I cannot imagine being without them now.

 

[ladygrey]

Originally Posted by alphaloria /img/forum/go_quote.gif


My mother sends me Mother's Day cards and frequently asks about her "grandcats!" She's been really awesome about my decision to not have kids.

I bought my mom a shirt that says "ask me about my grandcats!" and she wears it a lot. She also sends me mother's day cards that have awful handwriting inside and have my furbabies name signed. I think she still wants us to have human grandchildren, but she does spoil our cats rotten, so I guess she kind of gets her fix. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[Fairest of all]

My mom also fully supports my decision not to have kids. She is already a proud grandma to this little boy 

 

[Dalylah]

Originally Posted by Isabelsjewely /img/forum/go_quote.gif


No one will ever tell you what pain you're going to feel when giving birth! Everyone will tell you that you wont feel a thing and that you will forget about it if you do. And that goes even if you opt for an epidural! I was in labor for over 14 hours, had an epidural and very much felt it when they cut my vajayjay and even then I still tore to my poopshoot! I felt everything and even felt it while they stitched me up. SMART WOMEN DO NOT FORGET THAT TYPE OF PAIN!

I'm not trying to scare you off from having children, just keepin it real! LOL

I have had natural childbirth twice and have also been through an epidural. I had tremendous pain during all three births. I do know quite a few women who had successful epidurals, just not me.  I had a similar experience as Isabel. When I had an epidural the third time I still felt them cut which was excruciating and it didn't seem to do much good since I ripped all the way down to my bootiehole. One thing I did learn though, If they cut you they snip through many layers, but if they allow you to tear naturally it frequently does less damage because it usually just rips on the outer layer. Less ripping/cutting means less healing time. Obviously I am sure there are exceptions where other ways are necessary but if I were going to have another, I'd definitely ask for no cutting.

Luckily either way you choose, you are repairable and will heal up just fine. It terrified me when I saw what my "stuff" looked like after. About a week later I was in the doc's office sobbing because I was worried about my future sex life. It sounds silly until it happens to you. The good news is I healed just fine and things are back to normal.

Having said all of this, I have to say that although I will never forget the pain I went through, it was worth it for me. I am speaking for me only.

Best advice I have: If you aren't sure, don't have one. Maybe someone will come along and it will change your mind, maybe not. Either way, be happy /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Edit: @ Fairest... what a cutie little nose he has!

 

[Adrienne]

Originally Posted by Dalylah /img/forum/go_quote.gif


I have had natural childbirth twice and have also been through an epidural. I had tremendous pain during all three births. I do know quite a few women who had successful epidurals, just not me.  I had a similar experience as Isabel. When I had an epidural the third time I still felt them cut which was excruciating and it didn't seem to do much good since I ripped all the way down to my bootiehole. One thing I did learn though, If they cut you they snip through many layers, but if they allow you to tear naturally it frequently does less damage because it usually just rips on the outer layer. Less ripping/cutting means less healing time. Obviously I am sure there are exceptions where other ways are necessary but if I were going to have another, I'd definitely ask for no cutting.

Luckily either way you choose, you are repairable and will heal up just fine. It terrified me when I saw what my "stuff" looked like after. About a week later I was in the doc's office sobbing because I was worried about my future sex life. It sounds silly until it happens to you. The good news is I healed just fine and things are back to normal.

Having said all of this, I have to say that although I will never forget the pain I went through, it was worth it for me. I am speaking for me only.

Best advice I have: If you aren't sure, don't have one. Maybe someone will come along and it will change your mind, maybe not. Either way, be happy /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Edit: @ Fairest... what a cutie little nose he has!

I have never forgotten the pain. Reading this literally just made my heart race and I'm cringing at the thought of going through all that again. Even my husband has told me before he couldn't imagine putting me through that again.

 

[dixiewolf]

Originally Posted by ladygrey /img/forum/go_quote.gif


I bought my mom a shirt that says "ask me about my grandcats!" and she wears it a lot. She also sends me mother's day cards that have awful handwriting inside and have my furbabies name signed. I think she still wants us to have human grandchildren, but she does spoil our cats rotten, so I guess she kind of gets her fix. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

I give my husband father's day cards from our cat and dog and I mispell stuff and write it weird so it looks they wrote it, lol.

 

[Tyari]

Scared me!!!! lol

Originally Posted by Isabelsjewely /img/forum/go_quote.gif


No one will ever tell you what pain you're going to feel when giving birth! Everyone will tell you that you wont feel a thing and that you will forget about it if you do. And that goes even if you opt for an epidural! I was in labor for over 14 hours, had an epidural and very much felt it when they cut my vajayjay and even then I still tore to my poopshoot! I felt everything and even felt it while they stitched me up. SMART WOMEN DO NOT FORGET THAT TYPE OF PAIN!

I'm not trying to scare you off from having children, just keepin it real! LOL

I feel the same way. I do kinda feel bad for my mom because she wants grandkids from me.

Originally Posted by Kittygirl4 /img/forum/go_quote.gif

This is exactly how I've always been! I felt like I must be strange because I'd rather have animals than children. When I see couples having kids, I wonder if I'm missing out on something, but still have no desire to deal with children. It's not that I dislike kids, but they get on my nerves pretty quickly and I'm just not cut out for it. My husband doesn't have the patience for kids either and we both like doing what we want to do, when we want to do it. I'm happy with my husband and our animals! Mpoor mom has finally realized that she will only be getting furry grandkids from me! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

OMG! What a cute little guy!!!

Originally Posted by Fairest of all /img/forum/go_quote.gif

My mom also fully supports my decision not to have kids. She is already a proud grandma to this little boy 

Sounds like something I would've cried about too! I've heard the horror stories and have thought that if I were to have kids, my chief concern would be if I was 'ruined' down there. lol

Originally Posted by Dalylah /img/forum/go_quote.gif

It terrified me when I saw what my "stuff" looked like after. About a week later I was in the doc's office sobbing because I was worried about my future sex life. It sounds silly until it happens to you. The good news is I healed just fine and things are back to normal.

 

[tevans]

For those of you who for whatever reason have decided not to have kids, I applaud your decision. I have 2 kids whom I love dearly and can't imagine my life without them. But there are times when I want MY time ( like going to the bathroom alone without little fingers under the door or having to play 20 questions .) Most people don't realize they want kids until they have them,but I'd you don't want kids, have one and then realize well I really didn't want a baby and I still don't . Not much you can do. I have no judgement towards those who don't want kids . You have made a decision and people in your lives should respect your decision and let you live your life with fabulous vacations and wonderful shopping trips spending all the money you've saved by not having kids ! ( & please if this isn't what y'all do, don't tell me and burst my bubble of what a child free life will be ) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[Jwls750]

I agree that some people just aren't meant to have children, but I think swearing it off completely isn't necessarily right either. As a few women on here have stated they didn't want them either, until they had them and now they love them. I think women were biologically made to have children, that doesn't mean that all women should, but it's definitely something about myself I celebrate. I don't have a child yet, but I definitely want one sooner rather then later.

While I respect everyone's decision to do as they please, I respect mothers SOOOOO much, there is no harder job. I mean you are bringing another human being into the world, that's freaking incredible! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> If you can't tell I've thought about this a lot. That being said, some people just shouldn't have children.

Also, while I think biological is important, I am all for adoption, I hope I am able to adopt a child, I think that's a beautiful thing as well.

This is such a loaded thread, and I have a feeling a few women on MUT avoided this thread to avoid arguments /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> We all respect each other though...i hope! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[Dalylah]

Originally Posted by Beautiijunkii /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Sounds like something I would've cried about too! I've heard the horror stories and have thought that if I were to have kids, my chief concern would be if I was 'ruined' down there. lol

I was so worried that I wouldn't be enjoyable to my significant other. Honestly though, I was fine to do "fun stuff" after a month or so and completely back to normal within like 2 months. Most of the horror stories I have read include incompetent doctors that don't repair the woman properly. Good doctor + understanding significant other + good diet + Kegels =  fast healing.

 

[alphaloria]

Originally Posted by Fairest of all /img/forum/go_quote.gif

My mom also fully supports my decision not to have kids. She is already a proud grandma to this little boy 

AWWWWWW I just died a little. He's adorable!