I think I am having a breakdown (Maybe *T*; SI)

[Sheikah]

Originally Posted by PaperFlowers /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well I woke up after sleeping the day away. Which means i missed my classes.

I just don't know what to do still. I feel very overwhelmed. Just by waking up.

You gotta get a professional to talk with hun, we're always here to give you support, but they're the ones who are going to get you through this. I thought maybe it was going to pass in a matter of hours like mines do, but if they don't there's no reason why you should stay suffering. This is more important than anything else, this is about you and your health. I know you said you can't afford it but think of it as a gift to yourself, something that'll make you feel better in order to be able to enjoy your life to the max. I'm sure there are ones that might not be so expensive.
Hope you're feeling better by now.

You know we're here to help you as much as we can and it's not a burden at all!

 

[PaperFlowers]

I had to stop seeing my therapist because my insurance pulled out.

And the counseling center at school has a limit on free visits before you can go elsewhere, and because my insurance is lapsed (until the school sends them a transcript stating I am still in school, yay military), I can't go elsewhere just yet.

Steve is doing all he can for me now, given that he is 3000 miles away. I have 8 days until I fly to see him so I am holding onto that for right now. And I have to work on a paper, because I missed class today and it's due on Thursday.

I got up and took a shower and washed my hair and shaved what I could of my legs (ha!). So I feel a little better. I just sat in the shower for like an hour. I kind of zoned out but the hot water helped me relax some.

I did call my psychiatrist and he is calling in a prescription to increase my prozac, because I think he was kind of anticipating this-- my prozac prescription was lowered when I started on Lamictal (for seizures and bipolar) so he is at least going to do that for me. I just have to go pick it up.

I'm just trying to stay focused now I guess. Steve told me he can't understand what I am going through but that he is here and he's going to help me deal with this and we are going to move on. He really wants me out of this environment (I have a lot of bad memories and stress associated with where I am now) and he keeps reassuring me that once I move to California after I graduate, I'm going to be okay and he is going to take care of me if I need it, that we are going to start a life together and all that.

I just wish I could graduate in December instead of May. But at least I get to see him soon. He really is holding me together. He keeps talking about the visit and telling me how we're going to end up trying to cook and burn something and have to turn around and go out because neither of us cook much, LOL.

I honestly thought he was going to leave me like everyone else and I've been so afraid of that these past few days because he doesn't deserve a complete nutcase like I am at the moment. He's just been really fantastic though. He keeps telling me to stop pushing him away because it's not going to work (which I have been. ack. by telling him he does deserve better and stuff) and that he loves me and that's never going to change. That I don't have to worry about him treating me like the other guys did and being hateful to me.

Wow this is so long. I'm trying to answer PMs and comments in this thread all at once. I feel at least more coherent and capable right now though. So we will see. I hope.

 

[Sheikah]

I'm so glad you're feeling better and that you have such a wonderful boyfriend. Don't feel less because of this, you're going to get over it and this is not something you can control it's not your fault. Now that you're feeling better, work a bit on your paper so you get that out of the way and it doesn't become a source of stress later on.

 

[Shelley]

I know what it is like to feel alone. We're here for you on MUT, you have our support.

Please feel free to PM me.

I know in my city we do have some free clinics for counseling and some that offer sliding scale rates. Maybe the same where you live. Also maybe your college offers some free services.

Hugs to you.

 

[PaperFlowers]

I want this thread closed. Please.

I did not come here to post for someone to go behind my back. I have no damn insurance and I am ****ing furious right now. I will deal with this the best way I know how now. I was wrong.