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Well, I'll be 24 on September 9th. I know that's still young, but I feel like my life is just flying by and I'm not doing anything with it. I have an anxiety disorder that has honestly crippled me, and I'm just so fed up!
I'm a high school drop out. My highest level of education is grade 9.
I want to do something with my life, I *know* what I want to do with it, but I'm afraid to go after it because I'm afraid I will fail. It's one thing to say "I will not let anxiety control my life" but it is a whole nother thing to actually get over an anxiety disorder.
The logical solution that a lot of people would suggest is drugs, but I do not like putting anything in my body that will change my natural body chemistry - not even birth control. This is a personal choice I made after I was put on Paxil as a teen and it almost killed me.
In the past year I have truly gotten better with my anxiety, all on my own. When faced with a stressful situation that will normally lead to an anxiety attack, I try as often as possible to use the ABCDE method, which I recommend to anyone dealing with stress or anxiety.
So basically, I feel like I've been making personal, albeit slow, progress. But now that I'm finally getting a handle on things, I'm feeling very dissatisfied with my life. I mostly feel guilty that my husband has been left with all of the financial responsibility. I want to stand on my own two feet, you know? At out wedding we had a beautiful poem read, it was called The Prophet on Marriage, by Khalil Gibran:
And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.
I mean, could this be any more true? I truly believe that to have a happy life and to have a happy marriage, I have to learn how to stand on my own two feet. And I want to so badly, but I have so many doubts in myself.
I am an artistic person. People always told me I should go to school and "do something" with my drawing. But drawing is not my dream. Photography is my dream. When I think of my life and what I want to so with it, all I think of is photography. I don't know that I have a talent for it, but I know it's what I love. I see these gorgeous pictures sometimes and it feels like I can stare for days, just completely in awe of the photographer. I always think "I wish I could be as talented".
My husband has always known what he wanted to do with his life. He wants to pursue music, and study the recording arts. He always said that it wasn't about how much money you made, but whether or not you were happy doing what you do.
And to be honest, I know photography is not the most lucrative job field, and I don't care! I just want to take pictures.
Does that make sense at all?
I've been looking for schools in the Toronto/Mississauga area that offer programs in photography, but I feel so intimidated by it all. My husband is supportive, but not in a very . . . "showy" kind of way, and I feel like I really need someone to tell me "Hey, you can do this!"
Many people have overcome more obstacles and adversity than I currently face, and have gone on to achieve much more than I hope to acheive . . . but I feel like they have something inside them that I must lack.
What do you guys think? Is it true what people say? "You can do it if you put your mind to it". Can we really turn our little (or big) dreams into reality?
Oh well, I said this was going to be a rambling post, and I sure delivered!!
-Kee
I'm a high school drop out. My highest level of education is grade 9.
I want to do something with my life, I *know* what I want to do with it, but I'm afraid to go after it because I'm afraid I will fail. It's one thing to say "I will not let anxiety control my life" but it is a whole nother thing to actually get over an anxiety disorder.
The logical solution that a lot of people would suggest is drugs, but I do not like putting anything in my body that will change my natural body chemistry - not even birth control. This is a personal choice I made after I was put on Paxil as a teen and it almost killed me.
In the past year I have truly gotten better with my anxiety, all on my own. When faced with a stressful situation that will normally lead to an anxiety attack, I try as often as possible to use the ABCDE method, which I recommend to anyone dealing with stress or anxiety.
So basically, I feel like I've been making personal, albeit slow, progress. But now that I'm finally getting a handle on things, I'm feeling very dissatisfied with my life. I mostly feel guilty that my husband has been left with all of the financial responsibility. I want to stand on my own two feet, you know? At out wedding we had a beautiful poem read, it was called The Prophet on Marriage, by Khalil Gibran:
And stand together, yet not too near together.
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress
grow not in each other's shadow.
I mean, could this be any more true? I truly believe that to have a happy life and to have a happy marriage, I have to learn how to stand on my own two feet. And I want to so badly, but I have so many doubts in myself.
I am an artistic person. People always told me I should go to school and "do something" with my drawing. But drawing is not my dream. Photography is my dream. When I think of my life and what I want to so with it, all I think of is photography. I don't know that I have a talent for it, but I know it's what I love. I see these gorgeous pictures sometimes and it feels like I can stare for days, just completely in awe of the photographer. I always think "I wish I could be as talented".
My husband has always known what he wanted to do with his life. He wants to pursue music, and study the recording arts. He always said that it wasn't about how much money you made, but whether or not you were happy doing what you do.
And to be honest, I know photography is not the most lucrative job field, and I don't care! I just want to take pictures.
Does that make sense at all?
I've been looking for schools in the Toronto/Mississauga area that offer programs in photography, but I feel so intimidated by it all. My husband is supportive, but not in a very . . . "showy" kind of way, and I feel like I really need someone to tell me "Hey, you can do this!"
Many people have overcome more obstacles and adversity than I currently face, and have gone on to achieve much more than I hope to acheive . . . but I feel like they have something inside them that I must lack.
What do you guys think? Is it true what people say? "You can do it if you put your mind to it". Can we really turn our little (or big) dreams into reality?
Oh well, I said this was going to be a rambling post, and I sure delivered!!
-Kee