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Oscar-nominated actress (and now, Parade contributing writer) Natalie Portman shares her thoughts on the dangers of being a “pleaser,†insight and inspiration she’s gained from royalty, what she learned from a recent trip to Africa and more.
Natalie on trusting her gut: “I’ve always been something of a pleaser: I want to make other people happy. That’s not the worst thing. I mean, the fact that you like people and want them to like you is great — as long as you’re not sacrificing who you are. I’m not someone who has a lot of regrets, but last year I did something that I wasn’t comfortable with, and I’m really sorry I didn’t listen to my intuition. There was a scene in a movie that felt inappropriate for me, but I didn’t want to make waves. So I let myself get talked into it, even though it shook me up. From now on, I’m going to trust my gut more. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say “no.†No matter how much you plan and how hard you try, you can’t predict the outcome of things. I’m always surprised by what people end up talking about. There have been times when I’ve put my best effort into my work and had great success. Other times, I have tried just as hard, and it hasn’t worked out. I realize now that the only thing in my control is my own behavior, not other people’s reactions.â€
Natalie on her If-It’s-Not-Working-Change-It philosophy: “My family came here from Israel when I was 3, and at first we moved around a lot. I got really good at figuring out a situation and diving in. I was the cool new kid; I never doubted myself. Actually, I was probably kind of arrogant. Then, the summer after seventh grade, I shot my first movie, The Professional. Looking back, I realize that I might not have been that sensitive when I told people about it, and it came off as bragging. I was going to a small private school, and the other kids completely turned against me. No one would talk to me. I was so miserable that I had to change schools. But it made me think about how what I say affects other people, and I corrected my bravado. My dad helped me so much with this. He’s a doctor, and he’s really amazing. He’s one of those rare people who will actually change his opinions or his behavior if it’s hurting someone else. It was remarkable to learn that from him.â€
Natalie on her trip to Africa: “When I was in Uganda with FINCA recently, I met a young woman whose parents had died of AIDS. She was completely alone, taking care of her brothers and sisters. They were all living in one room; they had absolutely nothing. Everyone was talking down to her, but when we asked what she wanted, her answer amazed me. While 50 cents more a day would have totally revolutionized their lives, she looked at us and said in a clear, strong voice: “My brothers and sisters deserve the same chances you’ve had. I want them all to go to boarding school.†She didn’t want a handout. She knew that her family had a right to the same opportunities as everyone else. It was incredibly inspiring. I know that I’m the luckiest person in the world, but I still have so much to learn. That woman, who had not been given any chances in life, reminded me to always keep my own worth in mind.â€
Natalie on trusting her gut: “I’ve always been something of a pleaser: I want to make other people happy. That’s not the worst thing. I mean, the fact that you like people and want them to like you is great — as long as you’re not sacrificing who you are. I’m not someone who has a lot of regrets, but last year I did something that I wasn’t comfortable with, and I’m really sorry I didn’t listen to my intuition. There was a scene in a movie that felt inappropriate for me, but I didn’t want to make waves. So I let myself get talked into it, even though it shook me up. From now on, I’m going to trust my gut more. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is say “no.†No matter how much you plan and how hard you try, you can’t predict the outcome of things. I’m always surprised by what people end up talking about. There have been times when I’ve put my best effort into my work and had great success. Other times, I have tried just as hard, and it hasn’t worked out. I realize now that the only thing in my control is my own behavior, not other people’s reactions.â€
Natalie on her If-It’s-Not-Working-Change-It philosophy: “My family came here from Israel when I was 3, and at first we moved around a lot. I got really good at figuring out a situation and diving in. I was the cool new kid; I never doubted myself. Actually, I was probably kind of arrogant. Then, the summer after seventh grade, I shot my first movie, The Professional. Looking back, I realize that I might not have been that sensitive when I told people about it, and it came off as bragging. I was going to a small private school, and the other kids completely turned against me. No one would talk to me. I was so miserable that I had to change schools. But it made me think about how what I say affects other people, and I corrected my bravado. My dad helped me so much with this. He’s a doctor, and he’s really amazing. He’s one of those rare people who will actually change his opinions or his behavior if it’s hurting someone else. It was remarkable to learn that from him.â€
Natalie on her trip to Africa: “When I was in Uganda with FINCA recently, I met a young woman whose parents had died of AIDS. She was completely alone, taking care of her brothers and sisters. They were all living in one room; they had absolutely nothing. Everyone was talking down to her, but when we asked what she wanted, her answer amazed me. While 50 cents more a day would have totally revolutionized their lives, she looked at us and said in a clear, strong voice: “My brothers and sisters deserve the same chances you’ve had. I want them all to go to boarding school.†She didn’t want a handout. She knew that her family had a right to the same opportunities as everyone else. It was incredibly inspiring. I know that I’m the luckiest person in the world, but I still have so much to learn. That woman, who had not been given any chances in life, reminded me to always keep my own worth in mind.â€
