Problem with his ex

[donnamaryuk]

If you met a bloke who had been in a very abusive and horrible relationship with a woman who put him down and said that he was shit in the sac. She said he was fat , ugly and a looser. Demanded a shag every day of the week and if he couldnt come up with the goods, told him to get some viagra. He wants to start a new relationship , really gets turned on by his new woman and cant go all the way because he is insecure about the way he looks and is hung up on the way he has been put down as a bad lover. Whats the best way of dealing with this man ?

 

[NYAngel98]

Good question!!! I guess it all depends on how long he was abused before he'll come around... hopefully soon in this girl's case!

 

[Geek]

Ok this is a good one! He needs to get his esteem in CHECK! Self esteem comes from within and should not be effected by some dumb ex!





Originally Posted by donnamaryuk

If you met a bloke who had been in a very abusive and horrible relationship with a woman who put him down and said that he was shit in the sac. She said he was fat , ugly and a looser. Demanded a shag every day of the week and if he couldnt come up with the goods, told him to get some viagra. He wants to start a new relationship , really gets turned on by his new woman and cant go all the way because he is insecure about the way he looks and is hung up on the way he has been put down as a bad lover. Whats the best way of dealing with this man ?

 

[Laura]

I'd suggest complimenting him alot to build up his confidence again. I HATE HATE HATE bully's

 

[NYAngel98]

Yeah - usually with people THAT caught up in issues like that - they'll always be that way. I knew someone like that, & no matter how many times you try to say the 'right things' and no matter how many compliments you give... it just doesn't work - eventually it gets depressing just to be around them.

 

[Laura]

Originally Posted by NYAngel98 Yeah - usually with people THAT caught up in issues like that - they'll always be that way. I knew someone like that, & no matter how many times you try to say the 'right things' and no matter how many compliments you give... it just doesn't work - eventually it gets depressing just to be around them. Oh really? That's sad though. Knowing that somebody's confidence has been completely shattered and not built back up again

 

[Shoediva]

First of all I think this guy needs to work on himself before he gets into another relationship. He needs to find out why he let this abuse happen. Then when he starts a new relationship he has to let go of the old baggage and start fresh. I would surely help if this new lady made an extra effort to boost his self esteem (but not too obviously, it should sound sincere).

Originally Posted by donnamaryuk If you met a bloke who had been in a very abusive and horrible relationship with a woman who put him down and said that he was shit in the sac. She said he was fat , ugly and a looser. Demanded a shag every day of the week and if he couldnt come up with the goods, told him to get some viagra. He wants to start a new relationship , really gets turned on by his new woman and cant go all the way because he is insecure about the way he looks and is hung up on the way he has been put down as a bad lover. Whats the best way of dealing with this man ?

 

[Pauline]

Firstly i think it will take a long time for this man to get over his past abusive relationship. Secondly people cant just dump their 'baggage' and forget it ever happened. This experience will have had an affect on this man's actual identity and self esteem (which must have been very low to tolerate such abuse). Thirdly there isn't a lot that can be done with this man, except perhaps kind understanding and patience. It will take time for him to adjust to a new relationship anyway, but hopefuly the woman he is interested in will take the time required to give lots of love reassurance, and understanding. Together their love can grow,and the scars of his past will heal.