Random question: kids and marriage

[suzukigrrl]

So at 24 I'm the oldest woman in my family who hasn't married and/or had kids. My cousins, mother, aunts, grandmothers, etc had kids and got married younger than me. My father keeps bothering me about marrying my boyfriend, but I don't want to ever get married or have kids. I've got puppies and dometic partner benefits and I'm happy with that.

So anyway, I'm just curious, for those of you who are married and/or have kids how old were you when you married and/or had kids? Any grandmas on the board? How old were your daughters when they married and/or had kids?

 

[girl_geek]

We got married when we were both 23 (just last summer). Assuming our birth control continues to be effective, we're planning on having our first kid when I'm 28 or 29, and only having 2 or 3 kids. Since I've been in grad school the whole time we've known each other, we want a few years to further develop our marriage without the stress of school or kids!

I'm sorry your family is causing you some stress though, suzukigrrl! I was actually the youngest person out of my generation to get married, although some family members in the older generations got married younger. (My cousins are all older than me, and I doubt my 21-year-old brother will get married anytime soon considering he currently likes video games more than girls, so I can say I was the youngest! lol)

 

[erica_1020]

Originally Posted by suzukigrrl So at 24 I'm the oldest woman in my family who hasn't married and/or had kids. My cousins, mother, aunts, grandmothers, etc had kids and got married younger than me. My father keeps bothering me about marrying my boyfriend, but I don't want to ever get married or have kids. I've got puppies and dometic partner benefits and I'm happy with that.
So anyway, I'm just curious, for those of you who are married and/or have kids how old were you when you married and/or had kids? Any grandmas on the board? How old were your daughters when they married and/or had kids?

Hi I got married at 25 I am now 28 and my sisters and mom and some other relatives always ask about kids since my cousin and a close family friend were married within 6 months of me and they have 1 yr olds girls already. My husband and I like getting ourselves ettled and growing as a couple 1st. We may or may not have kids. I love teaching them, but find it hard to see myself coming home with an 8 year old, you know. My sisters are now 25 and soon to be 24 and we joke about them being able to reproduce to make my mom uneasy. Neither of them are married so we are kidding (not that there is anything wrong with that) They are so eager to be aunts though.Anyway, do whatever makes you comfortable

 

[Lisa329]

We got married when I was 22. I had Hailey when I was 28 (almost 29). But, we were ttc for 4 years before I got pregnant with her.

Right now I don't want any more kids. I love her to death but she is a handful, and dh is gone for his job so much that I am basically a single parent.

 

[sugersoul]

don't let them pressure you into marrying or think there's a 'right age' to marry.

one of my cousin just turned 29 years old, and she doesn't plan on marrying until she feels she is financially secure enough herself. she's a financial anaylist and a complete workaholic, but she is perfectly happy even tho all my relatives keep pressuring her to get married since her parents were married when they were 22.

so don't worry, u are not alone!

just don't take it too seriously. as long as ur happy, that's what matters. and u have all the time in the world to marry and commit anyways!

no rush

 

[suzukigrrl]

It is so great to hear everyone's stories!! I don't feel so weird about being an "old maid" at 24 anymore.

 

[Marisol]

I come from a family that if you aren't married and with kids by your mid twenties, then you are an old maid. This pressure comes from my family in Mexico whose culture and beliefs are very different. The female cousins that I have that are single or not married are constantly being asked "When are you going to get married?", When are you going to settle down", etc. Everytime I go shopping with my mom and she walks by the baby clothes, she starts looking at them and then looks at me and says "when are you going to give me a grandchild?" My response is always the same: when I stop being selfish with my time. There are a lot of things that I want to do and accomplish before having kids and being married. Also, I need to find a good man.

Also, now that my sister is getting older, she is starting in on her so the pressure is off of me.

 

[girl_geek]

Quote:
It is so great to hear everyone's stories!! I don't feel so weird about being an "old maid" at 24 anymore. Yep, it just depends on who you're around ... my undergraduate college was a private Christian school, and the standard joke was that many students went there "to find a good Christian husband/wife" and the women were there to get their "MRS degree"... While I only knew a few people that got married in college, I knew a lot that were engaged by the time I graduated! I did not meet hubby until after I graduated, so my single roommate and I always joked about feeling like we were old maids -- and we were only 21! lol
Then I came to grad school, and most of my fellow students (that are close to my age anyway) are single. When I got married after my first year of grad school, I was almost beginning to think I was getting married young! It all depends on your perspective

Marisol, your story cracks me up ... my roommate also got pressure from her mom who want "grandbabies", even when she was only 19 or 20 and still in college! But my roommate was the oldest child and her mother was impatient -- my roommate is now married and will probably start having kids in another year or two, so hopefully her mom is happy now

And your comment about finding a good man -- lol, that might be important

 

[Liz]

i'm only almost 22, but live with my bf. we don't want to get married, but my mom is always asking if we are. she wants me to marry to have "security" if anything ever happens down the road. my parents are going through a divorce right now, and it's a cat fight going on with "property" stuff.

yeah, like that really makes me want to get married

 

[tashbash]

I am only 24. My husband and I got married when I had just turned 20! (I know, I know) Then I immediately got pregnant, that's what happens when you miss a pill! Then two years later got pregnant again. The ironic part is that I was always the girl saying that I would never get married and had no desire to have children. I wanted to have a career and be my own person. Well, we can all see how badly that backfired on me! But the point of my story is, if marriage and children is something that you don't desire to have, don't let anyone force that upon you. You will always have a little bit of resentment towards yourself for letting that happen. Not that I don't love my husband and my children, I can't imagine life without them now, however I do wish I had thought things through a little better and paid more attention to my wants and desires rather than getting caught up in the whole aspect of things. Now being a stay at home mom I feel like MY life is slipping away because MY life is not MINE anymore.

 

[Jennifer]

i'm sorry they're pressuring you, suzuki! i hate that.

my mom got married at 16 (arranged marriage) and lots of my relatives got married before 25. if you're albanian and over 22, there's "something wrong". a few of my relatives got engaged when they were 2, 14, etc. and one even while her mom was pregnant, so she was already engaged when she came into the world! crazy stuff.

in albanian life, EVERYTHINGGGGG revolves around marriage, so don't feel so badly. look on the bright side

 

[vanilla_sky]

I am 24, not even thinking about marriage. I am considering not haing kids at all. i am considering not marrying too. However, I am not closing myself to marriage - if i will ever feel like getting married i will. so far, i feel great as I am. I don't need to get husband, I don't feel ready for that step. I still feel very young and not ready to settle. I have serious BF but we never talk about marriage - not that it is a taboo for us but it is kind of natural for both of us that we don't feel like getting married.

I think the term OLD MAID will dissapear soon completely

for me this term is the remain of the ancient history

p.s. my mom at my age had already second child... I am so glad that I live in these times, cause I dont like children at all and I am happy it is more acceptable to choose not to have them.

 

[QurlySq]

WOW!! I think I'm like polar opposite of like 75% of those who have replied...

... I was dying to get married and have children by the time I hit 21... the plan was to be married by 25, start popping out the children at 26/27 and having 3-4... thank God for me that didn't happen because I can't imagine being tied to the loser that I was with then..

... so now my dream is to still get married (and it's getting harder since my closest friends are now planning weddings and receiving proposals) but my bf is in the military and overseas doing his duty for the next year and a half so that makes ensuing wedding plans SUPERdifficult... not to mention that he's been married before and wants to tread lightly before taking that step again...

It's just that interesting to see so many different takes on the issue...

 

[Leony]

Marriage is a tough life, don't do it if you don't want to. Tell your father about how you feel.

You feel content and happy with your current life that is why you don't feel like talking about "marriage".

I remember my plan was to get married after I finished college and have my own job, at least not before 30. But, I got married too fast, I was 21 when I met my husband and we got engaged 3 months after we met.

We don't have kids though, I guess am not ready yet.

It was really tough; I thought it was just simple as I imagined. But it wasn't.

But, I've finally managed to settle down with my status as a housewife.

But I'm happy with my husband now, much happier than my life before I got married.

Enjoy your life, feel free and don't do the things you don't want to do.

It's not your time yet.

 

[Geek]

Welp...here's my story! I have 2 boys(ages 4 and 17) and my wife is expecting our second. My oldest boy is from my first wife. We were high school sweethearts and had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 20, then he was born when I was 20. Yep, very young. But you know, the funny thing is that I am the type of guy who never looks at the bad side of anything. I am VERY optimistic on everything. I was so super happy as a Father at that age. Watching him grow up as a part time dad, has been awesome. I have spend the last 15 years driving 1.5 hours (one way) three times per week to see him and be in his life. When we split up, I told my son that it wasn't his fault and I told MYSELF that I would try very hard to be the best dad I could. Watching him grow up and being in his life allot has brought so much joy that I cannot even tell it here properly. I would not have changed ANYTHING or any part of how it happened.

As for my wife of almost 7 years now (Reija), we have one wonderful son (Cameron) with one new one on the way. Parenting is one of the most wonderful things that can be. We love kids bigtime!! Shit, I am a kid myself! I just hate parents who put so many things in front of their children, when children should be first! We are the type of parents who never get babysitters or go out without Cameron(4). He even comes with us on our anniversary. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Just as a suggestion, don't let it go too long before marrying and having kids. 24 certainly, isn't too long, but the older you are, the harder it gets to settle down. Children are a life changing experience. Life isn't all about partying, going out, sleeping in, having a ton of money or living the single life until you are in your 30s-40s. When you are in your 50s or 60s, you will be so happy you have chosen to have children as it will be the ONLY thing you have then.

I do not beleive marriage as being a tough life, it's about finding your perfect match and how you treat them. Our marriage is not tough in the slightest, as Reija and I see eye2eye on 99% of everything and really have never had a fight.





Originally Posted by suzukigrrl

So at 24 I'm the oldest woman in my family who hasn't married and/or had kids. My cousins, mother, aunts, grandmothers, etc had kids and got married younger than me. My father keeps bothering me about marrying my boyfriend, but I don't want to ever get married or have kids. I've got puppies and dometic partner benefits and I'm happy with that.
So anyway, I'm just curious, for those of you who are married and/or have kids how old were you when you married and/or had kids? Any grandmas on the board? How old were your daughters when they married and/or had kids?

 

[suzukigrrl]

Wow! So many different stories! Thank you all for sharing. I just love how diverse we are here!

 

[Pauline]

Hi Suzukigrrl, you are still young at 24. Maybe you don't want children at the moment but in the future you will have your hormones and biological clock ticking away.People change over time and you might change your mind but don't let anyone pressure you. You still have time.

 

[Andi]

wow, 24 is way to young to be pressured to marry and have kids.

my mum was 24 when she had me, and thinking of it now (I´m 21) I could never ever imagine having kids at that age.

I recently read the average age for women to marry in austria is 27. I myself am NOT planning to marry before I´ve turned 30. of course people say you can´t plan everything. but I am a big planner, I want life to go my way. oh and I want to be married for a while and enjoy that before I start thinking about having kids.

for me, school comes first, and I still have a long way to go after school. my education won´t be done with until I´m like close to 30. so that´s definitely my first priority.

 

[nydoll23]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Welp...here's my story! I have 2 boys(ages 4 and 17) and my wife is expecting our second. My oldest boy is from my first wife. We were high school sweethearts and had an unplanned pregnancy when I was 20, then he was born when I was 20. Yep, very young. But you know, the funny thing is that I am the type of guy who never looks at the bad side of anything. I am VERY optimistic on everything. I was so super happy as a Father at that age. Watching him grow up as a part time dad, has been awesome. I have spend the last 15 years driving 1.5 hours (one way) three times per week to see him and be in his life. When we split up, I told my son that it wasn't his fault and I told MYSELF that I would try very hard to be the best dad I could. Watching him grow up and being in his life allot has brought so much joy that I cannot even tell it here properly. I would not have changed ANYTHING or any part of how it happened.
As for my wife of almost 7 years now (Reija), we have one wonderful son (Cameron) with one new one on the way. Parenting is one of the most wonderful things that can be. We love kids bigtime!! Shit, I am a kid myself! I just hate parents who put so many things in front of their children, when children should be first! We are the type of parents who never get babysitters or go out without Cameron(4). He even comes with us on our anniversary. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Just as a suggestion, don't let it go too long before marrying and having kids. 24 certainly, isn't too long, but the older you are, the harder it gets to settle down. Children are a life changing experience. Life isn't all about partying, going out, sleeping in, having a ton of money or living the single life until you are in your 30s-40s. When you are in your 50s or 60s, you will be so happy you have chosen to have children as it will be the ONLY thing you have then.

I do not beleive marriage as being a tough life, it's about finding your perfect match and how you treat them. Our marriage is not tough in the slightest, as Reija and I see eye2eye on 99% of everything and really have never had a fight.





Tony I love that you and Reija are so into your children,i am so like you guys ,i always want to bring the kids with us,they just are the icing on our cake!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suzikigrrl

I got preg with my first at 18,and my second at 20 ,i got married at 19 and my hubby was 25.im 23 now hubby's 28.Now people might think i was too young or i am young still now,but this is what made my life happy and complete.Now whats good for me isnt great for someone else!Whatever is right for you is right for you,its not about age any more,its people doing what they feel is right for their lives.

My best friend is getting married in oct and she is 31,she tells me she thinks shes an old maid too,lol and she is worried about having kids because shes older,thankfully women at 40 can have healthy babies.

Times have changed!!!!!

 

[karrieann]

let's see. i'm 36. (god i hate admitting that...) married at 26, divorced by 28. ( i hate admitting that too) no kids. i had one other long term relationship (my ex-hubby and i were together 6 years before we got married), that also lasted 6 years (do i see a pattern here?). sometimes i think that if i would have had children with either of them i would still be in the relationship...

i think Tony might be right about not waiting to have children. i know when i was young, i always thought i would have kids. but the older i get the more i think...maybe not. i like to be able to do what i want, when i want. maybe you just get more selfish. i don't know. i haven't totally ruled out kids but i hear the ticking and i'm okay with that. plus it seems like more people are waiting to have kids.

don't let anyone pressure you. it is your life and your happiness...do what is right for you.