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Originally Posted by makeupartist2b /img/forum/go_quote.gif Shelley - the advice you just gave me is so exactly right.. every single word. i never knew or talked to anyone that went through the similiar problems i am going through now. so it was hard for me cause it felt like i had no one there to talk too. which i didn't until now.. i really truely apprecaite this and you are exactly right. i feel like i've been brainwashed. i feel like i'm not a good enough person. i feel like a loser i guess you can say.. and that i'm not good enough for anyone else..kind of like no one else will want to be with me.. i've been pushing myself farther away from him lately. i've been keeping my distance, and this is making me realize i can be a strong person and leave him. however, im going to do what you did and not do it in person. i think over the phone will be the best way possible.
i am really sorry for what you have been threw. you seem like such an amazing/strong person. i am so thankful for all the helpful advice you have given me.
Thanks! I'm not fully recovered but a lot better compared to a year or two ago. It takes time to heal and one day I will be at a place that I want.
You mentioned above the way you feel.. not good enough for anyone, no one else will want to be with me etc. I felt exactly the same way. Although I am stronger I do have days where those thoughts still cross my mind. I think it is important to surround yourself with supportive people. The more support you have the easier it will be to learn that you are good enough etc. Unfortunately for me I has zero family support (parents). They were the complete opposite, told me the only man I deserve is one that will beat me etc. I had to find others who were supportive. Luckily one of my doctors was a complete angel plus members on MUT have been wonderful.
As for ending the relationship.. as I mentioned I did it by phoning him. All abusers will react differently. With my exbf I just calmly told him the relationship wasn't working out and I was leaving. He phoned me, begged me to come back, sobbing on the phone, told me he felt like killing himself etc. All kinds of things to get me to go back to him. I knew if I went back my life would be over, he would eventually kill me. I ended up moving, changing my phone number etc. Unfortunately that did not stop him. He stalked me (turns out family was telling him where I was located) threatened me and had his friends come after me. He actually payed one of them to hurt or kill me. I did stay in a women's shelter for a short period of time.
I'm not trying to scare you by telling you what I went through. All abusers are different. Some will leave you alone others won't. You know your bf better than me and his level of control or potential violence. I am just cautioning you on different scenarios.
I hope this helped. Were here for you. Please update us and if you have questions or want to vent please feel free to post or ask.
i am really sorry for what you have been threw. you seem like such an amazing/strong person. i am so thankful for all the helpful advice you have given me.
Thanks! I'm not fully recovered but a lot better compared to a year or two ago. It takes time to heal and one day I will be at a place that I want.
You mentioned above the way you feel.. not good enough for anyone, no one else will want to be with me etc. I felt exactly the same way. Although I am stronger I do have days where those thoughts still cross my mind. I think it is important to surround yourself with supportive people. The more support you have the easier it will be to learn that you are good enough etc. Unfortunately for me I has zero family support (parents). They were the complete opposite, told me the only man I deserve is one that will beat me etc. I had to find others who were supportive. Luckily one of my doctors was a complete angel plus members on MUT have been wonderful.
As for ending the relationship.. as I mentioned I did it by phoning him. All abusers will react differently. With my exbf I just calmly told him the relationship wasn't working out and I was leaving. He phoned me, begged me to come back, sobbing on the phone, told me he felt like killing himself etc. All kinds of things to get me to go back to him. I knew if I went back my life would be over, he would eventually kill me. I ended up moving, changing my phone number etc. Unfortunately that did not stop him. He stalked me (turns out family was telling him where I was located) threatened me and had his friends come after me. He actually payed one of them to hurt or kill me. I did stay in a women's shelter for a short period of time.
I'm not trying to scare you by telling you what I went through. All abusers are different. Some will leave you alone others won't. You know your bf better than me and his level of control or potential violence. I am just cautioning you on different scenarios.
I hope this helped. Were here for you. Please update us and if you have questions or want to vent please feel free to post or ask.