Taking her Baby?

Makeuptalk.com - Makeup forums and reviews

Help Support Makeuptalk.com - Makeup forums and reviews:

Joined
May 10, 2007
Messages
1,056
Reaction score
3
My best friend of 4 years just told me that she's preganant, (which I joked about to my husband last week that I knew my bf would be pregnant b4 I would, and I'm married! I'm starting to think that I "gifted" or something) Anyways, it was more like I told her that she was pregnant, then she was like 'How did you know that?' What I didn't know was that she was planning on having an abortion.


I really disagree with that whole decision. She gave me the excuse that she doesn't have any money to take care of the baby and that wouldn't be fair to the baby and WHATEVER! Mo (my best friend), is "well off" if you know what I mean. She's just scared and being selfish right now. I know that it's her life, but I've given her all the advice in the world and left out of options. My husband and I have tried to conceive for at least 2 months straight and I just can't conceive and here she is willing to kill a helpless life. I want to propose her the offer to at least have the baby and just give it to me and my husband. Do you think that's right?

 
Joined
Dec 28, 2006
Messages
3,521
Reaction score
0
I think it is her decision. If she doesn't want a baby now (or ever) then that is her choice. Even if you may not agree, she is your good friend and you should be there for her. It must seem so selfish of her and unfair for you, but this is what she wants and what she feels is right for her. Good luck to you and your husband.

 
Joined
May 10, 2007
Messages
1,056
Reaction score
3
Originally Posted by Manda /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think it is her decision. If she doesn't want a baby now (or ever) then that is her choice. Even if you may not agree, she is your good friend and you should be there for her. It must seem so selfish of her and unfair for you, but this is what she wants and what she feels is right for her. Good luck to you and your husband. Thanks Manda, but I also feel as if I'm trying to save our friendship as well. I don't think I could call my "friend" a murderer. I am there for her that's why I want to let her give the baby to me.
 
Joined
Mar 8, 2005
Messages
9,100
Reaction score
31
well if this is your friend´s choice then you have to accept it. And I´d be very careful with the term "murderer" around her, even if that´s how you see a woman who has an abortion. That´s a very harsh thing to say because abortion is not just an easy way out (at least it shouldn´t be!)

And honestly it´s a very surreal idea that she has the baby and just gives it to you. I don´t know either you or your friend, but I can almost guarantee you this is not gonna happen.

Oh and don´t worry about not conceiving. You said you and your husband have tried for 2 months-you still have lots of time to conceive.

To speak of infertility you´d have to have 2 years of unprotected sex with no resulting pregnancy. So don´t worry, just keep practicing. Good luck!

 
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
17,626
Reaction score
23
Location
Mississippi
This is my opinion, I will spoil it but I warn, this is my opinion WARNING: it may be offensive to some, if you dont want to be offended dont read!!



Unfortunately, this is what happens when the "Its her choice" campaign came about. I personally am whole heartedly against it, but at the end of the day, if she does not want a baby, she can terminate it. Your friends situation is one in which children and adults lay down and make babies, and dont think about the consequences until after the fact, which is honestly selfish and disgusting. Then have to spend money and put unnecessary stress on the body to expel an innocent life.



Now, with that being said, let her do it. If she wants to keep it, encourage her, if she dosent, encourage her. But dont make it a elementary situation where "oh I dont want this" "well if you are going to throw it away, can I have it" "sure" and then she ends up wanting the baby back, or becomes a pain in the ass because she is telling you how to raise a child that at one point, she did not work. Adoption is a long and hard process, and it is not as easy as "she is my best friend, can I have her baby" and the government just say "Sure
" They may tell you know, I know there are some guidelines, and you all may not qualify.

This is one of those situations where nature has to take its course, you just have to turn your head.

 
Joined
Dec 28, 2006
Messages
1,118
Reaction score
0
I think calling her a murderer is so incredibly offensive it's unreal. Especially someone you consider a friend, a "very good friend" at that.

You can disagree with an abortion without going to such low blows.

 
Joined
Jul 7, 2005
Messages
2,214
Reaction score
0
i think maybe she's just more afraid of actual labor or something because if her issue is not being able to take care of it then she has no excuse not to have it if you propose to her the fact that you and your husband would like to have it, if she doesnt want to give it to you and still wants an abortion then i think she's having an abortion for a very selfish reason, (not that there is ever a good reason to have an abortion, unless the mother's life is at risk IMO) keep us updated

 
Joined
May 10, 2007
Messages
1,056
Reaction score
3
Girls, we are all entitled to our own opinion. I didn't call my bf a murderer because of the fact that she's considering abortion, but I do believe that if she was to go through with the whole aborting thing she would be killing an innocent life. Technically speaking: murder. But I won't say that since it may be offensive to some.

UPDATE:

Things are getting worser by the minute. I'm at work now, but my mom called and told me that she called my bf's mom and told her the whole situation. Now, I know you're like "How'd my mom find out?" Well, I found out from my bf at school around 2nd period and by 3rd period, I was really upset. How could she be so stupid? I called my mom crying about the whole thing and then rushed off the phone because I had to get back to class. Anyways, by 4th period my mom had checked me out of school anyways, saying that I just needed time to calm down before I headed to work.

Well, from there we went home and so on and so on. I wasn't going to tell her mom until she (my bf) was ready. I know her mom is against abortion, so by now I'm sure she's contacted my friend and talked or possibly yelled at her. My bf is not answering her cell nor the house phone. I know she thinks that I told her mom, but I didn't. Things are so screwed up!

 
Joined
Jun 11, 2005
Messages
5,626
Reaction score
2
Wow....this is a really tough situation. I am Pro-Choice so I do believe your friend has the right to make her decision. I think the idea that you could adopt her child is a big problem waiting to happen. There are sooo many things that go into a proscess like that. What if your friend goes full term and decides she will keep the child. Or what if you get the Baby, raise it and she wants it back?? It has the potential to ruin a friendship and the Baby is the innocent party. Abortion is never and easy thing....not for the person considering it, and not for a person having trouble concieving.

I truly believe you and you Hubby have a baby in your future...whether it is this one or not, I can't say. Be careful and Lot's of Luck!!

 
Joined
Feb 13, 2007
Messages
6,417
Reaction score
1
I definitely believe it is her choice and asking her to give her baby to you and your husband will bring up many problems.

 
Joined
Oct 18, 2005
Messages
2,732
Reaction score
1
Originally Posted by BeautifullyMADE /img/forum/go_quote.gif Girls, we are all entitled to our own opinion. I didn't call my bf a murderer because of the fact that she's considering abortion, but I do believe that if she was to go through with the whole aborting thing she would be killing an innocent life. Technically speaking: murder. But I won't say that since it may be offensive to some.
UPDATE:

Things are getting worser by the minute. I'm at work now, but my mom called and told me that she called my bf's mom and told her the whole situation. Now, I know you're like "How'd my mom find out?" Well, I found out from my bf at school around 2nd period and by 3rd period, I was really upset. How could she be so stupid? I called my mom crying about the whole thing and then rushed off the phone because I had to get back to class. Anyways, by 4th period my mom had checked me out of school anyways, saying that I just needed time to calm down before I headed to work.

Well, from there we went home and so on and so on. I wasn't going to tell her mom until she (my bf) was ready. I know her mom is against abortion, so by now I'm sure she's contacted my friend and talked or possibly yelled at her. My bf is not answering her cell nor the house phone. I know she thinks that I told her mom, but I didn't. Things are so screwed up!

So, are you in High School? And you're married right, but your mom needs to check you out of school! I'm not trying to sound rude, I'm just clarifying. If you're still in HS and just barely married, why do you want a baby so soon. Okay, from personal experience, this can't be a good situation. My older sister was having trouble conceiving when I became pregnant at 18 and we discussed her adopting my baby. I am so so glad that she didn't and I kept my baby. Imagine how hard it will be for your friend being around "your" baby as it grows up, and imagine how confusing it will be to that child. I won't lie, I actually called and priced an abortion. I'm not proud of it, but when you're young, you panic and look at all of your options. Abortion is against my religion and I didn't think I could go through with it anyway. Just try to be there for your friend and support her in whatever she decides to do. It is her decision!!

Originally Posted by makeupfreak72 /img/forum/go_quote.gif i think maybe she's just more afraid of actual labor or something because if her issue is not being able to take care of it then she has no excuse not to have it if you propose to her the fact that you and your husband would like to have it, if she doesnt want to give it to you and still wants an abortion then i think she's having an abortion for a very selfish reason, (not that there is ever a good reason to have an abortion, unless the mother's life is at risk IMO) keep us updated I'm kind of confused as to what you're saying! You're saying if she doesn't want to "give" her baby to her friend then she's being selfish by having an abortion. I don't think she's afraid of labor, that's the easy part, she's afraid of being a parent for the rest of her life and that is a very scary thing when you're young and not planning it. Unless you've been in the situation where you have to make this kind of decision, no one will ever know how she feels. Being faced with the choice of having to give away your own child is the scariest, hardest choice anyone will ever make!!
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2005
Messages
5,626
Reaction score
2
I didn't realize you were still in HS. You have plenty of time to have a baby.

 
Joined
Dec 28, 2006
Messages
1,118
Reaction score
0
Wow, you guys are all still in high school??

Maybe she wants an abortion because she KNOWS how hard it will be to raise a baby at such an age.

People really, really underestimate how hard on someone it is emotionally and mentally to raise a child. It's not just another baby doll. Every thing you do will impact that child.

 
Joined
Nov 26, 2005
Messages
1,864
Reaction score
0
well i am one who is not for abortion, she made her bed and did more then just lay in it. i don't think it's right for people to use abortion as a way to get out of there irrespondsibleness. i really think it's wrong to abort a baby just b/c you don't want it. but it is her body, does she understand all of the risks not just to the baby but herself as well if she goes through with it? people just don't understand that it is a life they're giving permission to end. but anyways, maybe she's just freaking out. it can be scary especially if it's not planned or the right time in someone's life. maybe she just needs some good advice and comfort, to let her know that she can get help and there are also other options. let her know that you will be there for her. what about her family? how old is she? i just saw that you're both is high school still. well that can be really scary, but not the end of the world, just added on respondsibilities. it'll be hard, but she will be fine. they're are plenty of people who have babies young, not ready and are glad they went through with it. having a baby is really a miracle b/c everything has to be just perfect for it to happen. i wish i could help you both, but sad to say that all you can do is give her the best advice you can and be there for her with whatever decision she makes. it'll be hard for her no matter what she does, but if she does decide to go through with it, she may regret it and always think about it. that and something could go wrong causing her permanent damage or other problems.

 
Joined
Nov 6, 2006
Messages
3,248
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by PaperFlowers /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think calling her a murderer is so incredibly offensive it's unreal. Especially someone you consider a friend, a "very good friend" at that. Thats what it is though. You are killing an innocent baby.
I personaly think that the only need for abortion is if you know that baby isnt going to live. And thats it! I dont care if I would offend my best friend or anyone. It is wrong and thats how I feel. Babies are a blessing and people saying they couldnt handle labor is a poor excuse.

 
Joined
May 10, 2007
Messages
1,056
Reaction score
3
Well the only reason my mom came to check me out is because of the school rules. I'm under 18 so anyways, I have helped raised my aun't baby, Kim. Which who my mom and I took in when she was only 4 mo. Kim is now 7years old and being that we took her in until her mom got off of drugs, she's now with her real mom. Sure it was very frustrating and hard at times, but girls I'm very mature (why'd you think my mom would let me get married?) and loove kids. But, I do understand that it could be hard to convince someone to let them "give" their baby away. PLEASE READ ON

UPDATE: My bf called me before I got off from work and literally raised my voice at work at her, because she just came with so many excuses. She doesn't think that it's fair for the kid to have a chance at life, not even adoption! WTF! That's so mean and selfish once again! Anyways, that was when we first got on the phone, later on in our convo, she told me that she took another preg. test and it was a false alarm. Huh?
How in the hell could your preg test be positive one week and neg. the next?? I don't get it. My bf's phone hung up because of the signals so I called her back when I got home. Her mom answered the phone and she sounded so gleeful, so I'm like 'you can't be serious' We (my bf and I ) were supposed to be virgins and now when her mom finds out that she's not only having sex but was supposeldy pregnant, she's freakin happy?? I do believe that they're going to still kill the baby and I can't do a thing about that, but could you guys understand why I feel so stupid and like I'm being lied to?

 
Joined
Nov 26, 2005
Messages
1,864
Reaction score
0
well that's good i guess. hopefully she'll be more careful and learn from this. i know also home pregnancy tests can be wrong sometimes, it might be a good idea for her to go to a clinic or her dr. office to get a blood test, to know for sure.

 
Joined
Feb 18, 2007
Messages
7,231
Reaction score
0
I dont believe it was a false alarm, seems fishy. But I totally agree with you. It's hard to sit back and let someone do that, but you cant do anything about it. It sucks. I don't agree at all with abortion but I also don't agree with women having babies that don't really want them.. In a perfect world people wouldnt be so irresponsible.

 

Latest posts

Top