Tired of spanking!

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In general, I don't think spanking is needed for most situations. Even for some children in the most severe of situations, a parent can get pretty creative for punishments in lieu of spanking.

I think if I didn't have the upbring I did, then I just might have considered occasional spanking, but today, it is definitely a no-go for me.

Growing up, a soft spanking was considered an open hand on a vulnerable body part, and leaving a bruise. The typical ones, however, ranged form spatulas, to belts, and my father's perennial favorite...the clothes hanger. He would beat be so badly with the hanger, it would break to pieces, and then he would use the broken peices to hit me some more until he was tired. The absolute worse was being beating with both his hands at close range with his full force...got a nice swollen eye and a bloody nose with that one. But I guess the worst was my parents' mentally and verbally abusive nature. It was hellish getting tormented in middle school only to come back to the same thing at home. Yikes.

Because if this experience, I now have thoughts of terror where pleasant childhood memories should have been. I will NEVER condone spanking for my future children, and ruin their childhood memories. If my future children are anything like I was temperament-wise, then spanking will do absolutely no good. I was one of those children that really didn't need it, as I was a timid child by nature.

I have made sure I let my husband know where I stand, and he totally supports me on this 100%. A no spanking household is the law in my house, and that will extend to my children's grandparents...

 
I gotta revive this thread since Tony brought it up.

Originally Posted by Tabitha /img/forum/go_quote.gif My thoughts on making the decision to spank should be left up to the parents and I don't think a person should be condemned for it as long as it's not abusive. While I'm all for trying timeouts and other methods of discipline, sometimes it just does not work whereas a spanking will definitely get a child's attention. Example: Your child keeps running out in the street do you say to them (a) if you do that again I'm going to put you in timeout or ( B) if you do that again and I'm going to beat your ass! Which one do you think is going to grab their attention?! LOL! (Just trying to add a little humor.)
Seriously though, I don't see how a spanking inhibits a child in any form unless it's abusive. When I was growing up we walked the line in comparison to children today and if we misbehaved at school the teachers had no problems taking us behind the cubby holes and paddling our behinds. Was it embarrassing? Yes, I'd say so, but I'm sure it made some of the kids think about what was acceptable behaviour and what wasn't. Did the threat of a paddling cause fear? Again, yes I'm sure it did, but if made a person think and make wiser decisions how could it be detrimental?

In my homelife, my dad was the disciplinarian. We didn't get whippings very often, but when we did we knew it because we were whipped with a belt. He'd always warn us beforehand and if we chose not to listen then we got punished for it. Did the whippings make him a bad person? No, I don't think so since all 3 of us turned out to be decent people in my opinion.

The thing I find interesting though is the decline of society (in my opinion) over the generations. Society in general has supposedly become more enlightened saying we don't do this to our kids and we can't do that, but yet the kids seem to keep getting worse. Afterall, when I was a teen (in the 80's) you didn't hear of stuff like mass school shootings and the like and I thought my generation was a rowdy group at the time. Also, I don't remember any debates back then about spanking/corporal punishment. Maybe spanking is old school and I should be above it, but sometimes I wonder if the lack of it isn't part of the problem.

I had to agree with this mostly out of all responses.
Obviously, there's a difference between abuse and discipline in forms of punishment. I have recieved both. And also all other alternative as a kid.

Spanking as a discipline - in hindsight did not affect my self worth or esteem as I grew older. It taught me from right and wrong... and in honesty, I don't remember getting anything severe. My mom and family members would say I was really spoiled and a crybaby younger so it was pretty much a last resort type deal. I don't hate my mom for nothing and she did it the right way, I believe. Spankings here and there but mostly told me, "if you want this and that, behave good". As for my father, I remember him using the belt. But he was more the abusive type than disciplinary and has hit me now that I'm a grown adult. Very rarely, but has. But what affects children more, and people don't fully realize this, is the emotional abuse. I rather take an ass whopping than have my dad say to me, "you're a bad person. you're useless, you're fat... etc". That has affected me till this day as an adult. Kids can remember anything you say. I know this because I work with kids... and jeez do they have awesome memories from thing you've said and forgot.

Funny thing is my youngest sister only got spanked probably once in her life and she's turned out MUCH MORE disrespectful towards my parents. Not to say she is a bad child, but she gets away with a lot of things I never could have when I was her age. I feel resentment for that if anything. I encourage my mom to beat her ass once in awhile, haha. She never does but they do threaten her. My mother realizes we are both different. Me getting spanked as a child because I was always getting into trouble turned out well-behaved. Sister who never got disciplined is turning into a spoil brat. Haha. I have to say she has better esteem than I had at her age because she's a lot closer to my father and he never said an awful thing to her or put her done like he has towards me. Ever. :S

Do I condone spanking? Yes & No. It all depends on the child, the situation, and the parent. I would never put an object as a hitting device to my child. But when I do have children, I would not rule out spanking - if all fails, it'd be a last resort. And I have to say, spanking is not a "USA" way of thinking. We are a melting pot of different diversity and I know in the Latin community - it's a way of life. "Old School" thinking... yeah. But you can't say it's not affective. To compare a child to a slave is pretty crazy. It's how it's done or what is said that affects the child.

A. My mom was spanked. But it was done to correct behavior. Therefor, she did it to me to correct my behavior. Her mother (my grandmother) is probably sweetest person you'll ever meet and did this to all 7 of her kids. All turned out to be successful in life w/ good jobs and healthy relationships with their kids. Whatever mishaps/issues they have later in life is because of their own actions, it does not go back to being spanked as a kid when little.

B. My father was spanked + emotional abuse from mother. I can't think much for his father (my grandpa) because he never speaks of him. But from my own relationship with my grandma (his mom) she is very emotional abusive. Has 6 kids. 3 of them are in jail. 1 is sick. My aunt and father act the same and punish the same. My aunt worse than him since she spanks and abuses her kids often. They have turned out with much more issues and 3 of her kids left her household and her daughter stayed behind. My family, from some might have read, tried getting away from my father.

I have to point out that my issues arise only towards my father. It did not affect my self-worth, like I said before. I learned a lot from his mistakes. His actions affected my self-esteem... but my mother's discipline did not. If that makes sense?

Again, I have no issues with spanking as a form of punishment but it's how its done and what's being said that affects the child. NOT the spanking alone.

Also, I learned this in psychology class:

"The key to effective punishment is to use it less often."

That quote I took out of my psychology book that discusses punishing kids/adolescents effectively. It did not oppose to spanking but it did not agree with it. "Children who are subjected to a lot of physical punishment tend to become more aggressive..." Key words: A LOT. It stated it should never be harsh physical punishment/discipline. And pointed out many other useful alternatives I'm sure you have posted already, Tony. I'm sure harsh to you might mean spanking. Harsh to others might mean using belts, whips, etc.

Either way, affective parenting is always down to communication and being authoritative. And solely pointing out that spanking can bring up a corrupt child have to remember the whole nature vs. nurture deal aswell.

You may have not ever spanked your child as a kid and gave them "time-outs" but does that guaranteed your child would grow up to be well-behaved, morally good, cheerful, self-confident adolescents/adult?

 
Coming from a home that spanking was normal....I don't think it's okay. I was terrified of my Mother and Step-Father because of hitting. I was a really good kid, but I would have a panic attack if I got a low grade on a test...that meant a possible spank. I do not consider my parents physically abusive, they were more emotionally abusive.

Sadly I notice some of the after effects of spanking in my personality. When I get really angry I feel myself wanting to lash out and throw things and possibly hit. It's hard for me to maintain a calm feeling when I am angry. I could never dream of hitting my niece or a child of my own because I know how demeaning spankings feel.

 
OK, I wasn't going to reply but after reading the first couple of post I was like "WOW". For me its to each it's own. I will spank my son if need be. I don't go all out and straight abuse him. I got my share of spankings when I was growing up by my mother and grandmother. Dat crap hurt like hell but it made me a better person. I did sum wrong...never did or sold drugs cuz I was scared ass hell to. Some of the things I done I didn't do again after that spanking. No I don't spank my son just because my parents did it to me and therefore it makes it right. Just like you don't spank your children just bcuz ur parents didn't do it to you so therefore it makes it right. TO EACH ITS OWN. NYAngel98 was talking about one of those situations I can't stand OMG, I can't stand that and my son wouldn't dare embarass me in public like that. I sit and talk to my son more than anything but if i see talking and time out isn't working then I sit him down and talk over on why he's getting that spanking and he gets it then I don't have to worry about him doing it again. This IS a touchy subject cause every1 is from different backgrounds, religious beliefs, places, so on and so fourth. You cant change how people think and how they handle their situations cuz if we could I wouldn't be going back n fourth to Iraq and Afghan. I'm pretty sure some1 can make articles on why you should spank your child cause sometimes these children be running over their parents for what they think is the lack there of. Just know that every parent that spanks isn't abusive.

 
I have never read this before today!!!

But anyway. I am 100% against spanking, I am going to agree to disagree but what's good for the goose, aint for the gander
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Just finished reading the whole thread and as i type this i have tears in my eyes. I was spanked/beat with extension cords,switches,ive been slapped and pinched. My mother once punched me in my developing boobies(can we say already sore boobies being punched) all bc some girls in the hair salon said "i was a trip". My mother figured i was saying something bad. Ive been in the past and now constantly accused of sexual acts with men. When i was 12 my mother would always say she saw me looking at whatever old man was around. I would tell her i wasnt and she screamed at me i was.Everything was always my fault. I would have an issue with someone and she would always say "well if you quit talking so much" shes an introvert and i am not. She thinks that introverts are good and extroverts are bad. She even says stuff like that now. Earlier she told me i didnt have a job bc the lord doesnt feel im ready...or bc i want to moe out too bad...or if i would apply where she wants me to(i did and i didnt get that job) or do what she wanted life would be grand.

She recently stopped slapping me bc i hauled off and slapped her back and told her id call the cops if she touched me once more. She once CHOKED me bc my then bf called her crazy bc she yelled at my stepdad all the way from fla back home(8 hours) bc she said he was flirting with one of the disney world dancers
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. She listened in on my phone calls constantly and slapped me again once bc she had made a rude comment about one of my friends and she thought i was telling someone what my mother said about the friend. I wasnt we were talking about 21 yr old bs LOL.

Bad grades= spanking if she had asked me why she would have found out i was being teased at school by the students bc the white students didnt like me bc i was black(hillbilly arse town) and the black students didnt like me bc i was poor like them(very few middle class blk ppl in my small town). The teachers had the mindset of the students. If the teacher was white she hated all the blk kids if she was black she hated all the middle class blk students in her class(i was one of maybe about 50 all who were teachers kids).

I will add my story to the mix. I was 11 and i had just started haveing menstural cycles that yr and i was highly irregular. Well my period was TWO days late and my mother goes out and gets a pregnancy test. Now i was in 5th grade never had a bf never even kissed a boy. She made me take the test and it was suppose to turn pink if you were pregnant well it was 1.00 store version and so it wasnt pure white but a cream color. She drags me back to the store yelling at me the whole way there slapping me. She picked up another test a name brand one this time and guess what it turns out my 11 yr old never had sex self WASNT PREGNANT.

She has "apologized" for since(10 yrs after the fact) BUT she always says her excuse was she heard an 11 yr old in my grade had just given birth and she was upset.
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. Her excuse for most things since ive known her have been "her hormones"her depression" ~insert eye roll~.

Ive read all of tonys articles b4 and i have emailed them to her and she just says that if you dont spank they will grow up bad. Then says "well you have a problem with the way i raised you". I live at home so i dont answer honestly ill save that for when i move out
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It still affects me esp since being back at home. Ive found myself crying myself to sleep a lot more. As they say though karma is a bish. Lately shes had stuff happen to her. Her inlaws are crazy and try to cast spells on her. One of them comes over and knocks over her plants trying to kill them. People in our town are rude to her like they were rude to me in school(funny when i told her how rude they are in this town she acted like i was making stuff up or that I was the reason). I find myself second guessing my decisions again since being home. I have to remind myself i survived w/o her input for yrs while i was at college. Shes just a controlling.....wont say what i want.

Anywho im dont ranting and raving but i am against spanking i think there are other methods that can be used.

 
Dang Girl That makes me sad just reading that Im So Sorry that you have been through that!!

And Not A disagreement or Agreement to anything but In My Observations The people who have been against beating , spankinkgs, hittings etc Hve all been hit in some form or another BUT Not only were they hit but emotianally abused Which is something completley different

For example I WAS hit growing up occasionallyhere and there BUT not for crazy or stuff my m0ther made up in her head if i talked disrespectful I got spanked etc. But My mother would always tell me later why she did it & was always honest with me as well as always listened to me .........I didnt grow up shootin ppl or emotionally scarred

Now someone who got hit lets say Exactly like I was (Not too much but Occasionaly) But If that parent also didnt talk to her child and never believed her child and talked down to her child than I understand being scarred

Ppl just think Oh they were hit They were beaten Etc Thats why they are bad.............No they are bad because That parent hit thim with no communication no rules no love

JUST hitting I dont think messes up a child Hitting mixed with No love, No Talking, No explanation It can ruin anyone

I Just notice That When pple give BAD examples of Spanking What their example really ends up being is Based on MORE EMotional Abuse & Neglect

 

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