To any girl who has been hit. or knows someone
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I've never been in a situation myself or with any of my girls. I don't know what I would do if a man beat my best friend to death... I might have to kill him and be in jail myself, happily. Women in abusive relationships are always considered to be weak and silly... but it happens so much to all different kinds of women, it must be easier said than done to just walk away.
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Originally Posted by glitter_vertigo /img/forum/go_quote.gif I've never been in a situation myself or with any of my girls. I don't know what I would do if a man beat my best friend to death... I might have to kill him and be in jail myself, happily. Women in abusive relationships are always considered to be weak and silly... but it happens so much to all different kinds of women, it must be easier said than done to just walk away. It is true what you said in regards to it happening to women in all walks of life. I had a friend in high school who had high self esteem. Approximately three years later she met a guy and after awhile I didn't see her which is typical of abusers taking partner away from friends. I tried phoning her but it was out of service and none of my other friends knew where she was living etc. One day, about a year later, I bumped into her at a mall. She didn't look the same at all. I could almost read the pain on her face. I approached her but she said she didn't have time to talk, her bf was waiting for her. About one year after that she phoned me to say she had left him. He had beat her most of the relationship. Luckily he didn't pursue after the break up. She always said to herself she would never put up with a man beating her and somehow felt guilty she stayed so long. About 3 years later she met a wonderful man, they got married, had children.
The thing with abusers is they are so cunning with words. One minute they love you, next minute they hate you. It's hard to describe. I've been in a violent relationship myself and now understand the dynamics of it. To an outside person who has never experienced this, it may be difficult for some to understand why women stay.
I wanted to walk away but it was pure fear that led me to stay as long as I did. My ex was very violent and I knew what he was capable of. He always threatened to harm or kill me if I left. I knew these were partial threats but I also knew he was the type of person that would actually follow through with the threats. Or he would say if I left he would kill himself. Even though I despised him, the other part of me wouldn't wish for someone to kill themselves. He played a guilt trip on me. One day, and I am not sure why or how, I got the courage to leave. Something snapped inside of me. It's not always easy to up and leave. Women may have different reasons. Some believe he will change. Abusers rarely change unless they get professional help. Others believe that he loves her because for awhile he may shower her with words of love, gifts etc and she believes he is changing. That only lasts so long before he goes back to beating her. The ones that have children may be afraid to leave especially if they don't have a job, education, fear they won't be able to support their children. Others (I can relate to this) may not have supportive friends or family or experience judgement, blame so they believe it is their fault, they deserve this and stay with the abuser longer. This is just some of the fears abused women go through.
I was also told by others I was weak, stupid, silly for letting a man beat me. I would say most people who haven't been through it don't understand what it is like and think it is easy to walk away or say we are silly to put up with it. To the ones who were very crude to me I felt like saying walk a mile in my shoes or spend a few months with an abuser and see if it changes your perspective.
I'm not an expert on this. I'm only going by what I have learned through my own experiences and also reading information on this subject.
The thing with abusers is they are so cunning with words. One minute they love you, next minute they hate you. It's hard to describe. I've been in a violent relationship myself and now understand the dynamics of it. To an outside person who has never experienced this, it may be difficult for some to understand why women stay.
I wanted to walk away but it was pure fear that led me to stay as long as I did. My ex was very violent and I knew what he was capable of. He always threatened to harm or kill me if I left. I knew these were partial threats but I also knew he was the type of person that would actually follow through with the threats. Or he would say if I left he would kill himself. Even though I despised him, the other part of me wouldn't wish for someone to kill themselves. He played a guilt trip on me. One day, and I am not sure why or how, I got the courage to leave. Something snapped inside of me. It's not always easy to up and leave. Women may have different reasons. Some believe he will change. Abusers rarely change unless they get professional help. Others believe that he loves her because for awhile he may shower her with words of love, gifts etc and she believes he is changing. That only lasts so long before he goes back to beating her. The ones that have children may be afraid to leave especially if they don't have a job, education, fear they won't be able to support their children. Others (I can relate to this) may not have supportive friends or family or experience judgement, blame so they believe it is their fault, they deserve this and stay with the abuser longer. This is just some of the fears abused women go through.
I was also told by others I was weak, stupid, silly for letting a man beat me. I would say most people who haven't been through it don't understand what it is like and think it is easy to walk away or say we are silly to put up with it. To the ones who were very crude to me I felt like saying walk a mile in my shoes or spend a few months with an abuser and see if it changes your perspective.
I'm not an expert on this. I'm only going by what I have learned through my own experiences and also reading information on this subject.
