In Laws...

How do you ladies deal with in laws? As for me my bf's mom is so annoying. I sometimes feel like she hates me, and most of the time I feel she is fake, unreal to me. I am Asian, but I don't go by the tradition crap because I am rebellious against all of that. When I get marry I don't want to be living with my bf's family. Is that wrong? I want my own personal life, and I appreciate it if his mom doesn't give him a hard time about moving out. I go to school far away from my actual home, and when I go home to visit my parents, I bring my bf, and his mom always give him a hard time and make him feels guilty for leaving her (but he's just visiting my family >.&lt. I think that is hella annoying, I mean its only a month or two out of the whole year that we go visit my parents, and his mom gives him a hard about it. She doesn't say anything when I'm around, but I can see it in her eyes that she's irritated, plus my bf tells me what she said to him.

What do you guys think I should do? I don't want to be mean and hate on her. I just want to be happy. But a lot of things that she does is very irritating, and it feels like she does hate me. She used to be cool, like hella cool, and like a year ago, she started acting like a Bleep* and she makes stupid and rude comments a lot now when I'm around.

Did something happen to make her attitude do a 360?? Obviously if you're going to stay with your bf - sh'es going to be in his life. I'm not sure what type of person she is, but I'm sure she has to expect that he will one day move on with his own life and move out. If they are very close, maybe she's jealous that she's not the #1 and only person in his life anymore. Hopefully she'll wake up one day, but until then... just try to maintain a good balance with her, so your bf doesn't feel like he's in the middle...

Ditto=)

i dont have that problem cause my husband dont speak to his family and hasnt seen them over 10 years, the couple times i spoke to them they were cold and i never meet them ever and im always polite out of respect for my husband. i agree with nyangel but at the same time if you plan on being in his life maybe you should try and talk to her and tell her how you feel maybe you guys can work it out.

I agree with the comment.

One of your lines jumped out at me - "my bf tells me what she said to him."

If your boyfriend is telling you what she says, maybe he is telling her about your feelings? Perhaps that is why she is not warm to you.

I don't know your age or your boyfriends. Is it possible she think you are too serious and isn't ready for her son to make a commitment yet?

Side note - I have a 14 year old son. One day I will have to let my son go. But I don't want him to settle down until he is at least 25.

If I can offer one piece of advice - put boundaries between your relationship with your boyfriend and his relationship with his mother.

Do not let your boyfriend discuss your relation with his mother anymore and don't let him tell you about their conversations.

And do not visit him at his mom's home.

If one day the two of you marry, these will be the rules, so he needs to get use to them. I don't know anyone woman that married and moved in with their mother-in-law. Personally, I think that would be a disaster.

Make sure he understands that you won't move in with her, after the marriage, so that should no longer be a concern.

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. It has got to be hard for you and also taking some kind of toll on your relationship with your BF. I too was wondering if anything ever happened between the two of you that would make her act this way toward you. She needs to realize that her son is a grown man and needs to live his own life. Also, I would never....ever live with my in-laws, especialy if she treated me the way she treats you. Maybe you can have a sit down and talk things out. I would ask her to coffee or something like that. I hope I helped some.

I dunno, my guess is that you did something to him, he went and told him mom, and now she's mad.

I dont like mine, I keep my safe distance, she is a Sheppard of the devil , I dont tell her my business, i told my husband not to telll her our business, i dont give her advice, if she is being nice, it is because she is trying to suck information, and when we go to richard's hometown, we sleep at a hotel and not her house.

My in-laws are fabulous! I think they treat me better than my own parents do! But don't get me wrong, they do get on my nerves sometimes too (and I try not to get angry b/c I know they only do it b/c they care)! But I think it's normal and ok b/c I'm sure my SILs feel the same way!

hehehe No I didn't do anything to him, lol. And I don't think he's the type that tells his mom about our relationship. LOL!

I told my bf that I will not do anything to put him in the middle. He's very aware of that. I treat his mom with respect, I do what is morally right, but sometimes her actions irritate both my bf and I, too. I try maintaining a good relationship with his mom, I do not want to hate her, I just want to be neutral.

She has her mood swing, I swear. It's so annoying. I feel like I hate her more and more each time she opens her mouth. :add_shit:

This is bad. I should not hate anyone. >.< But she's so F****** annoying.

hell no I would NEVER EVER live with my inlaws!! I think it sounds like you're doing all you can, so good on you, as long as you're respectful and polite there's not much she can openly complain about.

I would say, there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to live with her/them in general. I think it's true to a certain extent that his mother will always be in his life, but I plan on moving overseas, and so my parents aren't going to be just down the road anymore. They did that when they were young too, so we didn't see my grandparents more than once every 2 or 3 years - it's not that they didn't get along, but my parents just didn't feel like they had to say in the same area.

It will depend on his relationship with her, and also his general attitude towards life, but dude. Once I move out, the obligatory family holidays would be about as much as I would expect to see the bf's family, hehe. (They're not too close phew!)

My ex boyfriend's mom was a witch! For no reason at all, she didn't like me. I was ALWAYS nice to her, and never did anything bad to her son, but man that lady was so mean to me. She would barely say hi to me, she would just ignore me when I was around. I couldn't stand the woman! I put up with it for three years, didn't say anything, then after we broke up I was so happy because I didn't have to deal with her anymore!

My current bf's mom is great to me! She treats me better than she treats him lol

I cannot stand my MIL, so I know how you feel...

I agree with Cyw1 and NyAngel.

There are quite a few more factors playing into this other than her not liking you. It's probably hard for her to see her son getting older and getting out from under her thumb. It's essential that you set boundaries between the two of you, any toeing of the line is unacceptable - period.

As for my mother-in-law, both my husband and I are happy about the fact that she lives over 800 miles away, and it's a relief to not have to deal with her directly. Neither of us trust her, and she has done some things (and continues to do things) that make us question her. We're not rude to her, but we try to avoid contact as much as possible.

Well my exbf parents really really liked me. It was kind of weird, I dont think they liked there own son! They kept telling me I could do way better than him and would try and introduce me to some good looking boys:glasses: or maybe they pretended to like me and wanted to keep me away from their son or something by using reverse psychology!

But anyways, my mom most definitly did not have a good experience with my grandparents. Before they got married, my grandma was super nice to her and everything. But after....it got so bad my mom decided to leave my dad. Im glad she left him...he was the biggest mama's boy there was!!!!

I dont have a mother in law...but my mom and I were talking about this the oter day. She lucked out....her and my father mom got along very very well (doesnt hurt that my grandmother was like the most wonderful person in the world). In fact, my moms mom, and my dads mom became bestfriends through my mom just after I was born....how damn cool is that.!!! My parents had been together since they were 14 and 16, and lived around the corner from each other since they were 5 and 7....so they knkew each other LOOOOONG before they were married. My other grandmother is cool too....she treats dad like gold....hes the favorite son in law on that side of the family hahah

i think your man needs to cut the umblical cord.

Ummm, darling, I have a mother in law, and I have to say I know understand the whole evil mil thing. She seems to think I'm stupid and unable to take care of my daughter.

Good luck, and stay strong. You cannot give in just to make peace, because you will end up exploding.