I got in a fight

a few days ago, i got in a fight with my cousin. she's also one of my best friends. we were at a party, had been drinking, and she said something really smart-as*ed so i said something back. next thing i know she jumps on top of me & i end up busting my head on a table behind me & i got burnt on my chest with her cig. so i naturally defended myself and punched her in the mouth, causing her to have a fat lip.

i don't even remember what exactly the fight was over. it was probably somewhat alcohol-induced, but tension had been building up between us for a few weeks so i knew it was bound to happen. she has a real anger problem & gets mad over the least little things. she's such a prune sometimes, never wants to have fun, always has to ruin the good mood..she recently got into a fight with a girl & stabbed her! i know she would never stab me, but that's not the point.

for example, weeks before this happend, she'd called to come over to my house just to use the computer..she didn't even want to hang out. one of my other friends was in the hospital from od-ing..so i told her that i had to go see him & she blew up & didn't talk to me for a week. i love her to death, she's not only my family but one of my closest friends. but i don't think she realizes how selfish & hurtful she can be. she takes me for granted, all of the things i do for her.

i think her mom's death might have something to do with why she is so defensive & angry at the world. she hates life. now, i don't know what to do. i'm seriously considering ending our relationship. part of me wants to call her & tell her i'm sorry about everything. but the other part of me is saying that this isn't my fault, i don't deserve to be treated like this.

what should i do? should i call her, or wait & see if she calls me..or not talk to her at all?

I think you need to let her know that she's hurtful towards you and such, but she might be aware of it and just doesn't give a damn..

Personally I wouldn't want to be around such a negative person.

I agree with Patricia.

Originally Posted by AngelaGM /img/forum/go_quote.gif I agree with Patricia. so do i.

I think you should confront her about this and tell her how you truly feel. It's wrong of her to take things out on you just because her mom died and she thinks life sucks. Obviously she's taking you for granted. I remember my cousin and I used to be really close. We were practically inseparable and the best of friends. Unfortunately it came to an end when she was hanging with the wrong crowd, and I was totally against it. It came to a point where we couldn't stand each other and we hated each others guts. Sometimes knowing and being with someone for a long period of a time tends to cause a drift. Their behavior/personality starts to change...then you see the ugly and darker side of them...or the little things that didn't matter before later starts to irk you! lol believe it or not, people need their personal space sometimes. Whether you guys can hash it out without causing a ruckus, perhaps the best thing to do is let things settle down for a bit before you start talking/seeing each other again. Give it a couple of wks or months and then maybe then can you guys can reconcile. After awhile you might start to think about the good times you both had instead of the bad. I haven't seen my cousin in over 10 months, but when we saw each other again we were cool and everything was back to normal

You have to let her know how you feel. If it doesn't change her behavior, at least you will have made her aware of how she is acting. I don't believe in letting people off the hook by just cutting them loose. They need to be held accountable for their actions even if it doesn't change a thing.

Originally Posted by KellyB /img/forum/go_quote.gif You have to let her know how you feel. If it doesn't change her behavior, at least you will have made her aware of how she is acting. I don't believe in letting people off the hook by just cutting them loose. They need to be held accountable for their actions even if it doesn't change a thing. Tell her, then give her some space...lots of space!

I would wait a week or so and then have a talk with her and give her time to think about stuff

Drnkness complicates everything.

You were both at fault it sounds, and both drunker than maybe you should have been.

Family is forever hun, you need to vent in a safe loving way and then move on.

And having lost my father back in 94' I can attest to that being something that is so beyond difficult to recoup from.

That was the start of my own downward spiral.

The last thing she needs is people distancing themselves from her for her trouble in moving past.

It may not make tons of sense now, but when you lose a parent at a yong-ish age(or at any age really) you lash out, or become severely introverted.

She needs you right now, even if she can't or won't say so.

I don't think it's good for you to be around someone like that. It doesn't sound like she is someone you need in your life, since she is causing you so much stress. Maybe you should tell her how you feel, and then try to separate yourself from her.

Lil'rayofsun has some very wise words - as do the other girls.

Give her a week or two to calm down. Then either write, email or talk to her. Maybe she isn't aware how she is coming across. And make yourself open to any criticisms she might have.

You love her - don't turn your back on her when she really needs all the love she can get.

I personally think she should be in jail for stabbing someone. What did she stab them with? She should have been charged with assault and battery. That being said, she shouldn't hate the world because her mom died. I lost my mom when I was 12 and I have never beat on people just because I felt like it. I don't think that is a good enough excuse for her behavior. If you want to talk to her again, give it a few days to blow over. She should be the one apologizing to you though, IMO. Hope everything works out for you!

I kind of agree with Lux, but I also think that you should probably do as the others suggest, give her some time to cool down, and then tell her how you feel and how her actions are impacting on others.

Kelly is right, she shouldn't be getting away with her behaviour, but Carolyn is also right, she needs your love more than ever. That being said, use your discretion and if her behaviour doesn't get better, cut yourself off.

Originally Posted by luxotika /img/forum/go_quote.gif I personally think she should be in jail for stabbing someone. What did she stab them with? She should have been charged with assault and battery. That being said, she shouldn't hate the world because her mom died. I lost my mom when I was 12 and I have never beat on people just because I felt like it. I don't think that is a good enough excuse for her behavior. If you want to talk to her again, give it a few days to blow over. She should be the one apologizing to you though, IMO. Hope everything works out for you! she stabbed the girl with a hunting knife & she got charged with malicious wounding. she is still going to court over it. the messed up thing about that is she still carries around a knife!


thanks for the advice everybody. i think i'm gonna write her a letter in a few days. friday it will be a week since this happend, but i think it needs a little more time. i'm still gonna be there for her, just not be as close to her. that way, maybe we won't fight like this again.

well, i have a similar situation with a cousin of mine actually. she is hateful. she hates the crap out of me & i never did anything. & you can quote me on that. i let her have some of my stuff & she acted like i owed it to her. she took me for granted all the time. she has moved out of our house now & she is unleashing her hate on me. I am happy she has moved. I am not always having my-heart-in-my-throat-nervous anymore. i dont talk to her anymore. & it has worked out fine. we used to be kinda close but now we arent. not at all. ive forgiven her for all that she has done to me, but she still cant forgive me for what i didnt do to her. the burden is no longer on me anymore & if she still feels that she wants to live with that burden than so be it. no skin off my nose.

she also is very aggressive, very defensive, very angry, and very selfish. & her mother died also. maybe these things have something in common.

but i would just let things cool down between the two of you. forgive her & dont carry that burden anymore. i dont, & i am finally happy & it is the healthiest thing to do in that situation.

I am in a similar situation. When I confronted my cousin and bestfriend she became so defensive that it further damaged our relationship...and then I figured it out. She often hurt me more than she helped me and I would use her as a crutch. I have decided that it was God's way of showing me that she is toxic to me and she is not well. It has been several months since we spoke. Family is trying to figure it all out and whispering about it--but I am okay now. The end result is that I learned that I am so much fun on my own and I am free of her judgment of me. We will talk again one day because she is family, but we both have some growing to do. I hope this helps.

I personally think that you need to let her know how you are feeling and then give her some space for awhile. She seems like a very toxic person and probably being away from her and taking a break would do you some good. *hugs*