Overcoming insecurities

Well I need to rant a bit + ask for advice. Okay to start off well I was listening to a couple of my friends talking at a sleepover last night as I was falling asleep and they started talking about how insecure they were but then right after they started talking about sex/physical contact. Now I get told all the time by just random people on the street that I'm gorgeous/pretty/unique blahblah(not to sound conceited at all) but honestly I don't see what anyone else see's in me. I had some hard things to go through as a child concerning physical things like I had severe scoliosis which led me to hate my body + eating disorders etc. Even though I have got surgery and you see nothing on me anymore I still feel like that little kid with a deformed body. I get asked out by guys here and there and even if I might like them...I ALWAYS turn them down because I am so insecure to the point where I just dont want anybody touching me anymore. And I wonder how will I ever have a physical relationship and it just angers me when girls go "UGH I HATE MY BODY!" *Gets naked* I am 15 and my circle of guy friends is getting so big, I feel like...I am ready to date but at the same time I just cant. I hate the fact that I'll be flirting a lot and then by the end of the day I realize that it's all pointless and I wont date them anyway, I've just given up trying to be in relationships. But the point is I'm afraid I'll get older and older and I'll still be alone. It's like I know where my problems come from and why I have this phobia...but I just cant seem to get over it and move on.

Has anyone else had anything similar like this and how did you overcome it?

I hate to sound like an adult but trust me, more than likely things will get better! I had horrible self esteem growing up, very shy around boys, and felt like I was invisible. I had a small circle of friends and always envied people who could entertain others, or I´d envy the pretty girls. Either way, I felt like I had nothing to offer, neither personality nor beauty.

But things naturally did get better once I experienced new things, moved away for college etc. It´s a slow but steady process. I still don´t have the greatest self esteem, but looking back to my teenage years I`ve come a loooong way.

Don´t worry, you´re definitely not alone. A lot of people are going through phases like that, they just don´t talk about it.

I think as you become more and more comfortable with yourself, you'll start to come out of your shell - basically, as you get older, you care less and less what others think, and as this happens, you'll begin to realise that any guy who made you feel insecure about yourself is not worth your time.

I really do think this is something you'll overcome - your desire to not be alone as you get older will override your fear. Starting to date really is terrifying, especially with body image issues behind you, but don't worry! it becomes less and less scary as you get used to it.

Like Andi, I hope I don't sound like a patronising adult, and I'm not dismissing how you currently feel, but do give yourself time, and do give yourself some credit - when the time is right, it will start to happen, and the things you're worried about will seem a lot less important somehow.

Good luck! keep us updated!

Insecurities can get the best of us at times but as the other girls have mentioned, it will pass. You're 15 and have a lot ahead of you. At this point, I don't think you should be ashamed or feel bad that you aren't dating. Not having a boyfriend is perfectly fine. I can come clean and say that I didn't start dating boys or even kiss them 'til I was almost 17 and I took great pride in that. You shouldn't feel ashamed or bad that you're not involved with a boy right now. It should, actually, be the least of your worries

Try accepting these compliments they're throwing at you. Not everyone gets compliments just for walking down the street ya' know?...hehe! Also, don't dwell on what you think isn't perfect because no one is perfect! Right now you should be focusing on yourself, instead of boys, and getting advice from caring, honest people who will help you get through this.

Keep your chin up and down let anyone get you down

Oh sweetie don't let it get you down. I can't think of a single person who hasn't suffered from self-esteem issues at one time or another and for girls, I've seen that the teenage years are the worse. I felt exactly like you (and still a little bit today lol) with insecurity issues and everything. I used to envy the prettier girls and why no matter how much time I spent getting ready, I still didn't look like "that girl." I also don't want to sound like an adult, but it will pass and you'll find yourself more confident as you get older. I remember in jr high I always had the friends with their guy issues and I hadn't even had but one boyfriend that wasn't really a b/f lol. Then I moved to another school and was hit on by all the guys there. It was very odd and disorienting being the center of attention. I think it had alot to do with the fact that these guys didn't see me go through that awkward gangly stage of mine lol. Then high school came and I saw tons of old friends that didn't even recognize me and got asked out alot. I found that I didn't like all the attention and it freaked me out.

This is just one of those things that you'll feel more comfortable with as you get older. If you're not ready to date, that's fine too. There's no rule saying that you have to date as a teenager. Just accept the compliments and don't focus on what you think is imperfect about you. They're coming your way for a reason but it doesn't mean you have to do anything

Thank you for the replies and it's definitely reassuring that more then one person says it's something that will pass as I get older.

Things should get better for you because your 15 but I understand how you feel.Theres no rule out there saying that you must get out and date right now.Have time for your hobbies and finish school and have fun with the girlies every now and then.A guy does not defne you,You define you.You will feel better sooner or later.Just take it one day at a time...