Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
makeupchick

need help on essay!!!

Recommended Posts

this is my draft that my prof graded on. i want to know how i can change it to make it better for my final draft. like what should i take out except the examples and what i should change or add etc. she graded my rough draft a 70. thanks for the help everyone! btw the words are in blue are what my prof. changed and comments.

 

A Response to " The Pleasures of Learning" by Highet, Gilbert ( class English 101 handout)

I have to agree with Gilbert Highet (1906-1978) after reading "The Pleasures of Learning" that if someone avoids learning or even abandon it, their life will be boring and uneducated. When someone has a goal , they will feel the pleasure from the process of learning it or the satisfaction after achieving it. I learn because is it enjoyable, fulfilling and it also expand our

knowledge which are important in my life. For example, I am here at **** College because I have a goal, and my goal is to graduate from college and become a Dental Hygienist and nobody can control how much education i can get but me.

 

Highet pointed out that learning should be fun and pleasurable, and I find his view on human activates convincing, but there are some people that don't know how to enjoy learning. He wrote, "At the end of each successful investigation, there comes over each tiny face an expression of pure heartfelt pleasure (2nd paragraph, last sentence) it's ok, there's no need to be this specific here .This specific example clarified Highet's view by saying we learn because we have a goal to achieve and after achieving it we will get pleasure , joy, and satisfaction that we yearned for. However, there are people that don't enjoy learning or even open up their mind to expand their knowledge. There can be many factors to why some people don't want to learn, for example, they can be stubborn, ignorant, or shortsighted. It is true that certain subjects in school is hard<> or boring, but we have to study how to study and find pleasure out of studying in order to expand our knowledge and knowledge means power and wealth. We might not use what we learn in school now but we will in the future. As I was in my English class one day and my Professor told us that when she was watching her niece watch Barbie, Barbie said, "Math is hard lets go shopping instead". After I heard that phrase Barbie said, I immediately rolled my eyes because if an adult thinks that way then they are shortsighted and lazy. I'm not sure how this example fits in with the rest of your essay. If there is something that we encounter in life and we don't know how it works, we should do everything in our own power to find out how it works and access that information because as an adult there is no excuse for being ignorant. We can't walk around saying we don't know certain things that we're suppose to know as an adult. Here's another example, a guy did something against the law and went to go to court and told the judge, "Oh I didn't know that was against the law". What is the judge going to tell him? The judge will just tell him he should know! This is how I was taught since I was young.

 

I lived a hard life when I was in China; therefore, I enjoy learning a lot especially in America because I want to be successful, and I believe those who aren't willing to learn will never become successful. I think if someone dares to dream big and is committed in achieving their goal they will become rich , and it is true that poor people matures at a younger age and have more willpower . Before I came to the America, I lived in China until I was 10 years old. My family was so poor when I was young that I only have 2 sets of clothes to wear to school, so the school offered to give me some for free because in China good hygiene and manners are very important in school. Besides the clothes, I didn't even have money to buy pens. All I can effort back then was one pencil, and I have to use that one pencil until it is one inch long then my parents would let me buy another one. I had a good chance to change my life when I found out that my family and I are going to America. After living in New York and worked in a dental office for 12 years as a dental assistant to a receptionist then to a supervisor, I knew I wanted to become a Dental Hygienist. As I mentioned, knowledge gives us power and wealth but its not easy and I still have a long way to go before I can become a successful Hygienist. As Highet said, "Man has the capacity to attain it; but to achieve it depends on his own effects. It needs a long, deliberate effort of the mind and emotions, and even body" (16th paragraph, last sentence). I am currently taking 16 credits this semester in college right now so I know I am one step closer to achieving my goal. By passing my classes each semester I know that I am another step closer to my goal and that is what keeps me going.

 

The process of learning when you are a child is to become an adult, and as an adult we learn in order to expand our knowledge, achieve our goal, and to keep our lives active and lively. If a person abandons learning they will never become an adult as Highet mentioned, " Learning extends our lives (as Ptolemy said) into new dimensions. It iscumulative" (13th paragraph, first sentence).

this is good, but the #1 problem you have is it's almost twice the required length. Teachers ask for a certain number of words for a reason, and most of the time we don't get too upset if you're 10% over (or under), but more than that and you're playing with fire. See what you can cut out right away (the Barbie story and the law breaker story can definitely go right away--focus on yourself). With proper editing, this could definitely be in the B range quite easily.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

if you just look at what your prof. wrote you should be able to change it for the better. MUT isn't here for helping you with homework, that's something you have to do yourself! smile.gif plus posting assignments like this on the internet can lead to plagarism. just let me know if you want me to delete this for you. sorry but we can't really help!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • NARS Cosmetics Shop Cargo Cosmetics Today!


  • Posts

    • Amazing video from Second Year No Buyer Elle S today on YouTube: "$1000 Worth of Eyeshadow ... What Could I have Bought Instead?" Elle shows only seven palettes that cost a total of $1000 (CAD). Elle is not in the dream of denial shopping. She is serious about money, facing reality, real life (though she is still enjoying the creativity of makeup). "I can't afford it," she says. I can relate to her point about being someone who buys a lot of cosmetics, but never goes for a mani or pedi, or anything like that. She asks: How many things have I missed because of my purchases? Now that's something to think about! I often think of how my life would have been different if I'd been able to start on this No Buy path at a young age. There was no Internet then, so I did not have this kind of inspiration. I only had magazines and TV ads telling me to buy, buy, buy!  But, why do all the No Buy people say they want to replace shopping with experiences? Shopping is an experience too! It a great experience and that's why we like it. I'm only giving it up to get rid of debt, because I know money makes me happy.  I grew up in 1970s suburban America. I grew up in a shopping mall and in K Mart. I was always at those places with my friends, searching for identity. So of course shopping is high on my list of experiences.  THE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE-1970s-1980s The Barbie Dolls and Barbie clothes at K Mart Getting a mood ring at K Mart and feeling so cool  The excited butterflies in the tummy, when pulling into the shopping mall parking lot The bright lights and the smell of the Cinnabon store The Waldenbooks, where you bought Laura Ingalls Wilder books, where you discovered Sylvia Plath The record store, where you thumbed through record albums, and you discovered Blondie and Jacqueline du Pre The Clinique counter, where the lady did your makeup and made you feel glamorous and grown up, and assured you Brooke Shields was nothing without her makeup  The food! Arthur Treachers Fish and Chips, Morrisons Cafeteria with the fried chicken and buttery rolls and iced tea All the latest issues of Teen and Seventeen magazine The Super X drugstore with Sophia perfume, Vidal Sassoon shampoo, and Maybelline Kissing Potion The movie theater where you saw The Turning Point seven times and fell in love with ballet (1977 the most magical year) Orange Julius Trying European cheese samples at the Swiss Colony The ORLANE counter - the epitome of elegance to me  The Stendahl counter - This was a really beautiful and expensive French cosmetics brand. The lady at the counter was French. I practiced my French with her and she sent me a little note in French later on. She was kind. I had cystic acne. It was bad. "Oh, I see you have a little but of acne. Not to worry, it just needs a bit of astringent and fond de teint." She was tactful and gave me nice samples.  My first Estee Lauder GWP - I thought I was Princess Di - it had Cinnibar perfume My first LANCOME GWP - I thought I was Princess Caroline. I was given Sun Touched Terra lipstick  Princess Marcella Borghese Germaine Monteil - Royal Secret Alexandra de Markoff - I never did get to try that legendary foundation - department store cosmetics were rare and glorious treats Adrien Arpel in her pre HSN days  The Erno Laszlo counter. It was so mysterious. You could not buy from them unless you went through a kind of initiation. You had to get an analysis and buy a special kit. It was fascinating. Now they just have samples going in beauty sub boxes any old way - Dr. L would not be very happy. He wanted his beauty routines done right and they were quite unorthodox. See the book, The Natural Way to Super Beauty by Mary Ann Crenshaw to know more about this.  And I could go on and on. Of course I had no credit cards then, no job, just a little allowance. So I was not really ever spending much, just having fun. It's when you're older and have credit and money that it becomes a problem. Now there's no money, no time to shop, K Mart and the malls are ghost towns. And don't get me started on how much more fun TV was back then. Even going to the library was so much fun. Now all is so dull, dull, dull! I just get up, go to my job, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, and hope that my No Buy will make me rich and happy one day.           
    • i love natural products, but before buying products , i encourage u to know what type ur skin and read about it well , then everything will be clear for u and easy
    • i need info regarding Lash Extensions from real experience ?! 
    • I am religiously using Vitamin C, E, Ferulic Acid serum by Radium Skin. They ship overseas. And its not expensive too, considering how much other mainstream labels are charging. 

About MakeupTalk®

© 2003-2018 MakeupTalk.com®, an active online community and message board geared towards members wanting to discuss everything to do with makeup, cosmetics, product reviews, monthly subscription boxes and general beauty related topics. Our community provides product reviews, makeup and general beauty tips. Our most popular topics are subscription boxes and their monthly spoilers. Join our community for free to take part in the conversations and share your own beauty tips and product reviews with others. We look forward to seeing you online here at Makeuptalk®!

MakeupTalk® Facebook

×