I am doomed to die alone...

So lets be clear... I've been in many many relationships. Yes I realize I am only 22 (23 in July) but I am tired of looking. I've had a grand total of 3 long term relationships; and many short term (non serious) relationships. I'm tired of hurting all the time. My longest relationship was 2 years and ended in him proposing but he turned out to be a liar and a fake. (He shot himself up with my epi-pen and faked a heart attack so that I wouldn't leave him and then re-proposed while doped up on morphine in a hospital bed.) The best of my relationship history was with a man named Aaron, he changed my life. I count him as my first real love. We dated for 11 months. The down fall was that he was sober for none of those 11 months, as it turns out when you depend on drugs to entertain yourself relationships with people who are clean (me) don't work.

I want real love. I want the mushy wonderful story book love. I want a man who's going to take care of me when I'm sick, hold me when I'm sad, and be there when I need him. And in return I want to cook him dinner while he watches football (or what ever annoying tv I won't watch), wake him up in the morning with some killer happy time, remind him daily just how blessed I am that God let me have him, and make all his friends jealous of him because he has the perfect girlfriend.

Yeah I know that the above is totally unrealistic and that's not the way that real relationships work. But it's what I want.

I guess the most disheartening part of all this is I don't even know where to find a man that fits any of the above. Yeah I know I just shouldn't look and I should just let it happen. But I don't have friends. I don't have girls that I hang out with (except you here on MUT). I have myself and that's it. I'm tired of being alone.

What do you guys think I should do?

My advice, for now, would be to do what you can to make girlfriends. I remember being where you are and when I got out of a relationship I didn't have close (or at least not geographically close) friends to turn to and I think that would have eased the pain alot. You also won't be as much in a hurry to find mr. right because your friendships sustain you when the only guy options are jerks. Be single, make friends, enjoy it and life will happen. I always hated hearing that kind of thing, I'm sorry for saying it but I think it's true.

I don't like it when people say something is unrealistic. It's ok to dream as long as you are trying your best to search what you are looking for. There are many people out there who are in a very happy/good relationship. So don't say that what you want is unrealistic. The next time you are interested in a guy, look carefully and don't rush yourself into making a decision. you just need to have some good judgement. Always ask your parents what they think of the guy. Bystanders know the best. Most importantly, you need to be patient, there is always someone out there for everybody.

About friendship, if you are still in school, you can try making friends there, if you are working, maybe you can expand your social circle by going to community center and join some clubs/classes that interest you, or try volunteer work. As weird as this sounds, but I know some people who can make friends by going to the gym and fitness clubs.

Originally Posted by Imprintwilight /img/forum/go_quote.gif So lets be clear... I've been in many many relationships. Yes I realize I am only 22 (23 in July) but I am tired of looking. I've had a grand total of 3 long term relationships; and many short term (non serious) relationships. I'm tired of hurting all the time. My longest relationship was 2 years and ended in him proposing but he turned out to be a liar and a fake. (He shot himself up with my epi-pen and faked a heart attack so that I wouldn't leave him and then re-proposed while doped up on morphine in a hospital bed.) The best of my relationship history was with a man named Aaron, he changed my life. I count him as my first real love. We dated for 11 months. The down fall was that he was sober for none of those 11 months, as it turns out when you depend on drugs to entertain yourself relationships with people who are clean (me) don't work.
I want real love. I want the mushy wonderful story book love. I want a man who's going to take care of me when I'm sick, hold me when I'm sad, and be there when I need him. And in return I want to cook him dinner while he watches football (or what ever annoying tv I won't watch), wake him up in the morning with some killer happy time, remind him daily just how blessed I am that God let me have him, and make all his friends jealous of him because he has the perfect girlfriend.

Yeah I know that the above is totally unrealistic and that's not the way that real relationships work. But it's what I want.

I guess the most disheartening part of all this is I don't even know where to find a man that fits any of the above. Yeah I know I just shouldn't look and I should just let it happen. But I don't have friends. I don't have girls that I hang out with (except you here on MUT). I have myself and that's it. I'm tired of being alone.

What do you guys think I should do?

In my experienced years *LOL*, I have learned that in order to catch the right fish, you need to fish at the right pond. As it turned out, I was looking for the wrong type of person in the wrong places which resulted in the relationships ending badly. I liked 'intellectual types' but in the end, the few I dated couldn't come up with anything intellectual between them. Perhaps you are looking for the wrong type of person and hoping to change them to someone that they are not. Bad boys don't really have good hearts underneath a rough and tumble exterior. Shy boys are not Superman under those glasses. If you want a man who is in charge, they are not going to hand over the reigns to you when you ask for it. If you are looking for men with similar core values as yourself, then you'll have to look where you'll find those men. 3 years of long relationships (2+1) at the age of 23 is a good track record. You're young, don't settle for an imitation, find someone genuine and you will find genuine love with someone you have lots of things in common.

Of course this is a touchy subject, i know its hard to be alone, at 22 though i would enjoy life,, be w/family, friends, get your education, career going, travel, have some time to date just random guys (yes i said it u have to know whats out there and i tell ppl sometimes date someone outside of your box) and true love will come to you!

It's not unrealistic. I know of someone who has a relationship like you described and she and her boyfriend are completely in love.

Originally Posted by shoeandpursegal /img/forum/go_quote.gif Of course this is a touchy subject, i know its hard to be alone, at 22 though i would enjoy life,, be w/family, friends, get your education, career going, travel, have some time to date just random guys (yes i said it u have to know whats out there and i tell ppl sometimes date someone outside of your box) and true love will come to you! I totally agree. Stop looking for it, once you stop it usually happens.

The most importent relationship in one persons life is the one it has with oneself.

I agree. 22 is young.. And you have lots of time.. I'd rather take the time and find the right one than settle for someone close to what you want... They are out there.. Ever think of something like eHaromney?

diva gave some great advice!

i think you have to stop looking so hard and maybe something will come along. most importantly, you need to be happy by yourself before you can be truly happy with anyone else. you might still be upset about these other relationships you've had, you need to allow yourself time to heal properly and move on, and when you do, the right person should come along.

I agree, i'm kind of in the same shoes, and one thing my parents and friends keep telling me is love's gonna catch you when you least expect it. Take your time and take care of yourself, allow your past wounds to heal.

I think you are getting some really great advice here...its why I love this forum! At 22 I was in a relationship with one child and one on the way, it turned out bad, he wasn't the man for me. I was in too much of a hurry to make my perfect family that I settled.....I am now in a very solid fun relationship....I ended up here because I wasn't looking, I waited for love to find me! The best advice I can give is wait for fate, when ur ready it finds you

Oh my goodness! 22 and single- that is perfect!!

This is when you explore the world, your life, YOU!

You should enjoy what's out there, you meet new people and shape and define more solid opinions on the person you want to spend your life with and you also shape the person you are meant to be in life.

Right now is the time for you to just have fun and not stress over finding someone. And TRAVEL- omg! Just so much is open to you right now!!!

You can also push people away by being so desperate to be in a relationship- especially people your age, because they know it's just too young to be so serious. Even older people typically don't care to be around someone they perceive as "needy" for very long.

I am not saying that is you, but if you are focusing and stressing over a finding a relationship, honestly, it can be a red flag to people.

When you are out having fun, living life and finding yourself, then you will be a more open, vivacious, happy person that draws people to you and they will want to know more about you. And you will have experiences and stories and a life to share and to really bring something to table, so to speak.

Have fun!

I really hate when people say to me that when im not looking the right person will find me....really?! I'm still waiting....

Originally Posted by HairEgo /img/forum/go_quote.gif I really hate when people say to me that when im not looking the right person will find me....really?! I'm still waiting.... Honestly, it usually happens when you are least expecting but actively searching and being patient that love will come along is probably a better way to put it. Hiding and waiting is not going to get love to find you either...and probably a better attitude to boot

By the time I was 24, I only had one really crappy relationship. Instead of dwelling on how I never had a good man, I decided to make a plan for myself. I started working on my teaching degree and made the decision to go after my dream life as a teacher in NYC. I was researching how to adopt for future reference and I made some great friends.

Then TADA! My boyfriend came into my life. We have everything you describe and more and he is a better man than I could have ever dreamt of.

It is possible but it's not going to happen by sitting at home and being lonely.

Originally Posted by Jinx /img/forum/go_quote.gif Oh my goodness! 22 and single- that is perfect!!This is when you explore the world, your life, YOU!

You should enjoy what's out there, you meet new people and shape and define more solid opinions on the person you want to spend your life with and you also shape the person you are meant to be in life.

Right now is the time for you to just have fun and not stress over finding someone. And TRAVEL- omg! Just so much is open to you right now!!!

You can also push people away by being so desperate to be in a relationship- especially people your age, because they know it's just too young to be so serious. Even older people typically don't care to be around someone they perceive as "needy" for very long.

I am not saying that is you, but if you are focusing and stressing over a finding a relationship, honestly, it can be a red flag to people.

When you are out having fun, living life and finding yourself, then you will be a more open, vivacious, happy person that draws people to you and they will want to know more about you. And you will have experiences and stories and a life to share and to really bring something to table, so to speak.

Have fun!

THIS^^^ Is my advice also! Nothing left to add.