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DreamWarrior

Follow me as I plan a Bridal Shower and eventually the bachelorette party...

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Hi all,

 

I figured this would be a great thread to store my ideas, ask for advise and share my joys and woe's as I plan a multicultural, classic yet trendy bridal shower for my sister-in-law to be.

 

The girl:

A career driven 30 year old

No family in NJ

Parents/Family in Malaysia

Religion: Hindu

Culture: Singapore/Indian/Malay

 

The boy (my brother):

A happy-go-lucky 30 year old

Semi career driven

Parents/Sibling in NJ

Religion: Catholic

Culture: Hispanic

 

The girl - trendy, fashion forward, totally Americanized (no I will not do a prearranged marriage mom - I want my Hispanic boy toy! duh!).  NYC attitude and if she had it her way would live the NYC high life in a loft in midtown Manhattan and run her own marketing firm.

 

Problem, we're all broke due to a crumbling economy, so a sheek party in a lounge on 5th Avenue is OUT of the question.

 

Solution:

 

The Wine Cellar at Cinder's Fire Wood Grill in NJ:  It's an Italian American restaurant with a party room that is clean and decorated in muted earth tones.

 

Cinders 1.jpg

 

Next post, the invitations.

 

 

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The plan, the poor girl has no control of her own wedding.  While she's trendy and young and independent - her parents are rooted in tradition and religion.  The wedding will be in a temple in Malaysia and my parents, his godmother, and I will be flying over to share in the festivities.  We are very open minded Catholics and she is a very open minded Hindu - we all practice our religion openly as long as there is a sacred and divine and we all respect that - we live in harmony.

 

Anyways, I digress.

 

Since all of her wedding fantasies have been squashed by her mother:

 

No, you can't do anything purple - it's going to be red.  No, you can't have a peacock feathers, it's going to be blue hues and magenta.  No, you can't do this, no, it's that... etc. etc.

 

I decided that I will at least try and honor her by throwing her a bridal shower in her choice of color and theme... purple and peacock feathers.

 

I found these invitations online and I love them... I already received a sample and will be moving forward.  Check it out:

 

Front and Back View

Invitations .jpg

 

 

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Ugh! I just got into a huge email fight with my future sis in law.  Cursing and all. icon_confused.gif

 

 

The wedding might still happen, but I dont think Im going host shit for this little brat. eusa_snooty.gif

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The short of it - she loves my brother, but she's not happy.  She's never really been happy with him and has threatened to break up with him several times.  The last time was when she said we are either getting married or I am leaving.  So, he proposed.

 

I dont doubt that they love each other - but there is just too much pressure to be perfect.  In my last email I cursed her out and told her that if she wasnt happy, to leave his ass and if he wakes up in a pile of his own shit, that's his problem, not hers.  Basically, If you're not happy - there is no reason to get married...  So her response was:

 

(copy & paste)

 

I have not left cause he does not want to embarrass his family nor do I want to embarrass mine. Unlike your very forward, f*** it attitude, I was not brought up to humiliate my family. Everyone knows I live here and everyone will shun my parents if this marriage breaks now. My parents will be devastated and I can't allow that.For everything they have done for me, I have to swallow this one.

 

ITs not mother Theresa mentality, u have to be a little Asian to understand certain values and principles. So sometimes a little sacrifice has to be made, does not make me a martyr but does not make me happy either but I have to suck it up and deal with it and that is what I was doing. I never came to anyone of u for help, just like I got myself into it, when I feel like I had it, I will get out....

 

I am not belittling your brother but maybe if someone taught him discipline and the value of money and not owing creditors and being neat, maybe he and I will not be in this situation.

 

In all maybe if u were from my cultural background, you would understand that something's , are acceptable and something's aren't and if I walk now, maybe u guys will give a shit but my family would break."

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How can I be a maid of honor to a culture and attitude like that? 

 

Im such a strong, independent person myself.  To see a thirty something (Americanized) woman explain that she has to sacrifice her happiness because her parents are expecting her to get married??? I just cant be a part of that. sadno.gif  I just cant.

 

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Originally Posted by Bonnie Krupa View Post

..what a little biotch.  I doubt it has anything to do with her culture if she gave him an ultimatum  lol



Apparently, she forgot about that bit when I brought it up - she ignored that comment all together. icon_rolleyes.gif

 

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Dream, where is your brother in all this? If he knows how she feels and that she's only marrying him to keep her family happy, then why doesn't he save her the trouble and leave her? He could also save himself the trouble of dividing property and paying alimony later. She says pretty plainly that she's eventually going to leave him.."just like when I had it, I'll get out". Why is he going thru with it?

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My dear - dear brother is the baby of the family and has been sheltered and taken care of  his whole life.  He is a very easy-go-lucky type that doesnt raise a hand to a single bug.  She walks all over him.  AND he will do anything and everything he can to please her.

 

Part of the problem is that he feels he owes her because of all the good she has done for him... help him thru college, pays his college bills, pays to get the car fixed, pays his half of the bills when he cant come up with money, etc. etc.

 

He is always getting taken advantage of by his coworkers and friends and even when he's in good financial standing, something happens and he looses his job (unsually a backstabbing involved).  Back to square one.  So, when her parents threatened to get her married off to some Indian guy, my hero brother felt that he could save her from a pre arranged marriage since he loves her and she doesnt want to get married to some dude accross the waters.  So, here we stand.

 

They have been together for five years... and became engaged last year.  He lost his job just after they got engaged and it wouldn't surprise me if she ended up paying the credit card bill that carried her engagement ring cost.

 

My brother is 28, young, and very immature.  She is 30 and head strong.  I actually really like her, but I also think they shouldn't get married.  They were happiest when they were just living together without financial pressures or multicultural wedding pressures.  She blames her mom for the pressure and says she doing this for her and her culture.

 

Whatever.  Really, they will disown her if she backs out of the wedding?  I dont understand the culture, but really?  And now, she's taking it out me because I had the cojones to say something about it.

 

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Sounds like there are no easy answers here. They are grown ups and at the end of the day they are responsible for their own decisions and have to live with the rewards and consequences. All you can do now is smile, wish them well and step out of the way while they drive head long toward the cliff. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let the people you love make their mistakes and fall on their butts. That's how we all learn and grow wiser.

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I know... and its killing me inside because I know the inevitable is coming.
 

Originally Posted by jeanarick View Post

Sounds like there are no easy answers here. They are grown ups and at the end of the day they are responsible for their own decisions and have to live with the rewards and consequences. All you can do now is smile, wish them well and step out of the way while they drive head long toward the cliff. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is let the people you love make their mistakes and fall on their butts. That's how we all learn and grow wiser.


 

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Such a sad unneeded situation.  I am so protective of my brother ...even though he's 7 years older lmao     Have you tried maybe even sitting down with both of them and just talked about the situation  no arguing lol  :X

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I thought about it last night and prayed over it and discussed it with my S/O.

 

We are going to let them be.  They pretty much do whatever they want anyway regardless of the advice they seek and the advice we (or anyone) gives them.  We determined last night that whenever we give them advice, they end up doing the complete opposite anyway.  So, I will sit back and let them be.  We decided we were no longer giving them any advice/comments in the future either.  We'll just smile. icon_cheesygrin.gif

 

I do not support/give my blessings to the marriage tho, so I will talk to my brother and future sister in law and tell them that I will attend the wedding and all, but I no longer want to be the maid of honor.  I feel that it would be hypocritical of me. 

 

I already cancelled the restaurant gig and will be getting my huge deposit back soon (I hope). eusa_pray.gif

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Dream, it seems to me you are on the right track with this.  It's taken me many hard lessons in life to learn that I have NO control over other people.  If they seek my opinion, I give it, simple to the point and without arguement and then let it go.  I have to set boundaries for myself in how involved I'll get into someone else's drama but in the same token I set boundaries for others in far I'll let them get into my stuff or drag me into theirs.  In the long run you will be more at peace with them and yourself in the matter by backing off and being an observer rather than a participant.

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Wow Dream, that is a very, VERY sticky situation. I understand what she is saying about her culture, because honor and family is more important than anything even relating to self. HOWEVER, it looks more like she is just hiding behind that and using it as an excuse to get her way. You're a much better person than I am, I'll tell you that.

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Its not right to marry a person just to make your parents happy. Thinking about the person you're going to marry, is it not fair? I mean if I we're the guy, I didn't know that behind all the happy things that I am seeing is just a pretender. She is marrying me not because she loves me, she is marrying me because of her parents not wanting to get mad. I think going on with the marriage is a big mistake, your brother should know. For me, it will not work out. Good luck and God bless.

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Update: We made amends... somewhat, and my mother insists that we carry on with my original plans so...

 

I called Cinders and re-booked the location, date, and time as before.  Re-sent them the deposit - but lowered the guaranteed head count.  At this point it doesnt matter if its in the Wine Cellar or the Main Dining Room.

 

Also, because I was done with it - I never ordered the invitations - so, I had to rush order the invites and pay the extra $25.00 for overnight shipping.  My mom said she'd reimburse me - but truthfully I wouldnt take a dime from her.

 

I also included a 4x6 note card (with sample pictures) with the invitations:

 

Whether or not you can make it to the bridal shower, we would love for you to participate in our bridal shower scrapbook!

 

All you have to do is send me a scrapbook page assembled and embellished with your favorite recipe, poem, phrases, or the best advice you’ve ever received!

 

Bring it with you on the day of the shower or if you can’t make it – send me your work of art in the mail!

 

If you can’t send me a page, but want me to include a recipe, a picture, anything – send it to me and I’ll make sure it makes in and that you get credit!

 

Imagine "K" opening a book full of recipes, poems, and advice given to her by those close to her!  It’s a great way to remember this special day!

 

Let me know if you have any questions!!  Here are some ideas (by the way, the album fits 12x12 pages)!

 

Thanks!

 

Sample SB.jpg

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Oh Dream that is a fantastic idea!!!  I love the idea of a specially crafted scrapbook made by all those who love you!! You are a genius and very big hearted for agreeing to do this again.  You are a much kinder person than I think I could be.  I can be pretty hard headed.  Once I make my mind up, it takes an act of God to change it!

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Thanks!! 

 

Im still sore about the whole thing - but I cant be angry forever.  I pray to God for healing... and patience. LOL!

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Christmas Tree Shop and Michaels!!!

 

So, last night I went to the Christmas Tree Shop and picked up 10 of these Bohemian looking Vases and 10 of the Indian Lanterns.  I plan on using them for the centerpieces.  I figured, if I can get purple table runners, I can line up two large vases and one lantern or two lanterns and one vase per table - light them up and spray the table runner with peacock feathers... this would make a simple, yet elegant centerpiece.

 

SB4.jpg

 

Sb5.jpg

 

 

I also scored at Michaels - all the scrapbook albums were 50% off!!  So, I picked up this purple one with a type of paisley design.  It fits the theme somewhat... and then some embellishments at 40% off to make a couple of my pages to get the album started.

 

SB3.jpg

 

SB2.jpg

 

SB1.jpg

 

 

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