NEED - cat advice & moving advice

so, I'm moving into my first apartment with my boyfriend and a roommate. Ben (boyfriend) & I have 2 cats. (Boo & Maui) They are OURS, sleep with us every night (at my mom's house) and we love them.

In like September, this poor pathetic little cat (Obie) showed up on my doorstep (literally). He broke my heart, he was so skinny, winter was coming and we took him in. I have pictures on my Instagram of him then and now. he was 5lbs. when I took him in, he is about 11lbs now. Obviously, he was a house cat at some point (he is fixed and his ear isn't clipped) but we took him. We kept him in Ben's room at HIS parent's house.

The problem now is that we have kept Obie separated from my cats all this time. We tried to bring Boo over to let them meet (before just tossing them together in a brand new apartment) & it wasn't pretty. Basically, Boo cowered in a corner and Obie growled and whined at him. We separated them again. Then today, they were on opposite sides of a door and obie wasn't happy when he realized that. He freaked out and started moaning like they do when they're about to fight. I walked over to the door and tried to lead him away, and then he went nuts and bit me. hard. my finger swelled up nicely and it was hard enough for me to splatter blood on the sheets before I could wrap the finger.

I don't think he meant to hurt me, I just made the mistake of getting too close when he was about to strike. I absolutely cannot throw him back onto the streets and I can't give a cat away that acts like this. I feel that my only options are to figure out how to get them to tolerate each other put Obie down. I don't want to do that. I want to keep him and I love him and he came with his own set of issues when I took him in - but they're not his fault. something or someone made him that way and even though my finger is all mushed up from him I just can't hold it against him because his bad life isn't his fault. it isn't.

So, any advice for how to get them to atleast tolerate each other? how to make them feel like I love them all? I'm sorry it was so long but I'm at a desperate point here with them. Thank you!!!

It can take a few weeks for cats to get along. There are all kinds of articles that show you how to properly introduce them. I'd offer more advice but I'm on my phone.

I should add that I've successfully introduced my 2 cats to my parents 2 cats since they stay together when I'm on vacation

It can take up to two weeks to successfully introduce adult cats to each other. It's a good technique keep Obie in his own room with a litter box and food at first. After a few days, take something out of the room that Obie has slept on or cuddled with and bring it out to Boo and Maui (and vice versa). A few days after that, you can let Obie into another room (if available) but make sure the cats are still separate. It's fine if the cats sniff each other through the door.

After a bit, you can allow the cats to be closer to each other but with something in between them. Once they feel comfortable (can take multiple tries), you can remove the separation and allow all cats in all parts of the apartment. The important thing is to not rush this process - it does take a bit of work and it can especially make pet-owners impatient because we're so excited for everyone to get along lol. But give it a few weeks and the cats should warm up to each other. They have to take time to get familiar with one another, establish a hierarchy, etc.

We have a Savannah cat shop in the mall where I work and I was just talking to the staff about this sort of thing yesterday! This is what they recommended, so I hope it helps! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Don't put the cat down simply because he isn't getting along with your other cats. If he is a nice cat otherwise, try to find him a new home where he will be the only cat. I know that the animal shelters near me will take surrendered animals and find them appropriate homes. Or advertise on Craigslist and find him one yourself.

And in the future don't take in an animal unless you can care for it. Putting it down because you made the mistake of taking on too many animals is cruel.

Originally Posted by Baberanza /img/forum/go_quote.gifThe problem now is that we have kept Obie separated from my cats all this time. We tried to bring Boo over to let them meet (before just tossing them together in a brand new apartment) & it wasn't pretty. Basically, Boo cowered in a corner and Obie growled and whined at him.

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You brought Boo to Obie's place correct? if I am not mistaken, Obie felt threatned and want to get Boo out of his territory.

I don't know if this apply to cats also but aquarists introduce the more agressive fish last into the aquarium to get along with other peaceful / community fish.

If you are moving into a new place, I would introduce them again there because it will be neutral ground. none of them will feel like they have to defend their territory. don't worry about finding him a new home. as long as he's an only cat he shouldnt be aggressive like that. 

Originally Posted by sprite9034 /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Don't put the cat down simply because he isn't getting along with your other cats. If he is a nice cat otherwise, try to find him a new home where he will be the only cat. I know that the animal shelters near me will take surrendered animals and find them appropriate homes. Or advertise on Craigslist and find him one yourself.

And in the future don't take in an animal unless you can care for it. Putting it down because you made the mistake of taking on too many animals is cruel.

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Don't judge me. Honestly, he would be dead had I not taken him in and I believe after 5 months of caring for him & preparing to move him with me, I've taken appropriate care of him. I'm not putting the cat out on the street so he can come close to knocking on death's door again, there is *one* full no-kill shelter in my area and my SPCA has so many cats, they just put down adult cats that they get. He is a very temperamental cat that I have put up with because he needs love, attention, warmth and food. You have absolutely no right to judge me and what I do with my cats based off a bit of the story. Trust me when I say that he is not what a nice house cat would be and I'm not passing him off to another family to put down. I can deal with him because I have patience and I don't have kids to worry about. I tried putting him on craigslist when I first took him in and again, it's quite rare that anyone will take in an adult cat. especially one with issues. 

It's wrong for you to assume I took on an animal I can't take care of because I can and have been. He isn't dead, because of me. His weight rose from 5lbs to 11lbs, because of me. If you know anything about cats, you know a male adult being 5lbs. is dangerously low. I wouldn't be so defensive to your comment right now if I didn't love him. But even after 5 months he's got serious issues and I acknowledge he's had a rough life and it isn't his fault. Which why I came here asking for cat lovers' advice. 

I came here looking for advice. Every single thing I have done for this cat is the exact opposite of cruel. I am highly offended by your comment. Before you call me cruel and basically unfit to care for a stray (that I've actually taken stellar care of) ask me for Obie's full background story. 

This might seem stupid in that you may have already tried suggestion this but have you tried seeing if any facebook friends are in the market for a cat? That's actually how I got my cat from a friend. I have her and my boyfriends family has quite a few pets that I've put her around, and she hates pretty much every animal she's come into contact with. Thankfully I have my own apartment right now but I worry what it will be like when I graduate school in 2.5 years and move in with my boyfriend who also has a cat.

edit: i just read your last post and can understand/empathize as to why you wouldn't want to pass off the cat on to someone else. I'd probably start integrating the stray with your other cats in small, baby steps, in situations where you can easily diffuse any tension. But if ANY of the cats get hostile or just plain (pardon my french) pissed, be careful. my boyfriend knows someone who tried integrating two cats and when they got hostile he grabbed *his* cat (who is normally passive) and his cat bit him so badly that he ended up in the hospital with stitches.

Originally Posted by JessP /img/forum/go_quote.gif

It can take up to two weeks to successfully introduce adult cats to each other. It's a good technique keep Obie in his own room with a litter box and food at first. After a few days, take something out of the room that Obie has slept on or cuddled with and bring it out to Boo and Maui (and vice versa). A few days after that, you can let Obie into another room (if available) but make sure the cats are still separate. It's fine if the cats sniff each other through the door.

After a bit, you can allow the cats to be closer to each other but with something in between them. Once they feel comfortable (can take multiple tries), you can remove the separation and allow all cats in all parts of the apartment. The important thing is to not rush this process - it does take a bit of work and it can especially make pet-owners impatient because we're so excited for everyone to get along lol. But give it a few weeks and the cats should warm up to each other. They have to take time to get familiar with one another, establish a hierarchy, etc.

We have a Savannah cat shop in the mall where I work and I was just talking to the staff about this sort of thing yesterday! This is what they recommended, so I hope it helps! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

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I read some advice like that on some articles when I googled it, and I hope it does work! I'm lucky that my new apartment will have like an extra bedroom where I can do something like that. I'm just nervous because I'm sure Obie has always had to prove his domain -- being that I rescued him from the streets and any cat lover knows how horrible the streets are for a cat /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Even with Ben & I, he's a little weird. He's really got an issue with trusting people/other pets but I really hope he can warm up to Boo & Maui because they're sweet souls, they just like to eat, run and play once in awhile. =) Thanks, Jess!

Originally Posted by Argan /img/forum/go_quote.gif

You brought Boo to Obie's place correct? if I am not mistaken, Obie felt threatned and want to get Boo out of his territory.

I don't know if this apply to cats also but aquarists introduce the more agressive fish last into the aquarium to get along with other peaceful / community fish.

Click to expand...

Yes, I took Boo to Obie's room. So maybe you're right, that he just wanted Boo gone. I don't think Boo is nearly as territorial of space as Obie is, and Boo really just shrunk away when he realized Boo was around. I thought just throwing all of my cats into one apartment at once would be problematic but maybe if I keep them separate in neutral territory, like Jess P mentioned, maybe it'll be an easier change.

Originally Posted by lunadust /img/forum/go_quote.gif

If you are moving into a new place, I would introduce them again there because it will be neutral ground. none of them will feel like they have to defend their territory. don't worry about finding him a new home. as long as he's an only cat he shouldnt be aggressive like that. 

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I think he's just so aggressive because he lived outside when I took him in. And I bet the last cat he was in contact with, fought with him... I love him to bits but I love my other cats, too. They're also mentally healthy and Obie isn't. I have no problem taking care of them all, I love them I really do but if Obie is going to be violent and biting that's not good. I mean he bites a little as it is but you can normally anticipate it and he knows it's bad. When he goes to bite and misses or catches, he runs under the bed immediately and stays put for a little bit. He's a sweet soul too, he's just got some serious problems and I can't keep him in a little bubble for ever. I really want to keep him which is why I'm here for advice in the first place.

Originally Posted by kawaiimeows /img/forum/go_quote.gif

This might seem stupid in that you may have already tried suggestion this but have you tried seeing if any facebook friends are in the market for a cat? That's actually how I got my cat from a friend. I have her and my boyfriends family has quite a few pets that I've put her around, and she hates pretty much every animal she's come into contact with. Thankfully I have my own apartment right now but I worry what it will be like when I graduate school in 2.5 years and move in with my boyfriend who also has a cat.

edit: i just read your last post and can understand/empathize as to why you wouldn't want to pass off the cat on to someone else. I'd probably start integrating the stray with your other cats in small, baby steps, in situations where you can easily diffuse any tension. But if ANY of the cats get hostile or just plain (pardon my french) pissed, be careful. my boyfriend knows someone who tried integrating two cats and when they got hostile he grabbed *his* cat (who is normally passive) and his cat bit him so badly that he ended up in the hospital with stitches.

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Yeah, I learned that when he bit me today =/ I read another article that said if they're fighting or something, do NOT try to break it up (like I did or your boyfriend's acquintance (sp?) did) to throw water on them or bang pots and pans or something. He just isn't a cat I think anyone else will take a chance on. And I'm okay with that because I want to keep him but normally it's recommended to put down a highly aggressive animal... I would be cruel if I was the one who made him so hostile but I rescued him from the hostility. I really like the ideas I've read and that Jess P responded with so I will try it and let you know how it goes (as an outlook for when you do the same). We move in in about 2 weeks, so we will see how it goes! I'll probably have to keep them separated for atleast a week. But it sounds great to start on neutral territory. I'm more concerned about Boo & Obie rather than Maui. She runs from trouble. And they're all fixed so no probs. there lol. 

I hope the following steps from petfinder can help you resolve the problem  http://www.petfinder.com/cats/bringing-a-cat-home/cat-to-cat-introductions/ .

You're obviously a cat lover.  He's so lucky he found you, it sounds like he's thriving.

The advice above to introduce them gradually and on neutral territory is sound.  The only thing I have to add is, if you do have to break up a cat fight, throw a blanket over them.  They'll be disoriented and you can separate them without getting hurt.

You can never tell when you try to bring a new cat into the family if they will get along.  Cats are independent, set in their routines, and often unyielding.  That's just part of being a cat.  So if it doesn't work out, don't feel like you've failed.  Sometimes personalities just don't work out.

Originally Posted by feemia /img/forum/go_quote.gif

You're obviously a cat lover.  He's so lucky he found you, it sounds like he's thriving.

The advice above to introduce them gradually and on neutral territory is sound.  The only thing I have to add is, if you do have to break up a cat fight, throw a blanket over them.  They'll be disoriented and you can separate them without getting hurt.

You can never tell when you try to bring a new cat into the family if they will get along.  Cats are independent, set in their routines, and often unyielding.  That's just part of being a cat.  So if it doesn't work out, don't feel like you've failed.  Sometimes personalities just don't work out.

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He really did find me. He was scratching at my door! I'm hopeful that they'll be able to just *tolerate* each other. I don't care if they're not bestfriends. I just want them to not yell and fight. So since so many people have comments about introducing on neutral territory, I'll take that approach. Hindsight is 20/20 and I now see that taking one to the other's territory wasn't so smart... but I thought familiar ground would be better than this big old random apartment. But oh well. I hope it works out. Once Obie gives it a chance, I know things will work out - I just need him to be open to giving that chance! Lol

I have a cat, and for the better part of 13 years she was an only cat. I moved in with my boyfriend several months ago and he had 2 cats, one boy & one girl. We set my cat up in our bedroom with food, water, litter box & toys and she lived there for about a week, week and a half at first. Then we would lock his cats in the basement and let her explore the house for a while, but she always ended up back in the bedroom. It took a LONG time, several months at least where we could let them all roam for an hour or two tops, when we were home. It took several more months before we would let them all out while we were gone. They are doing well now, but we still have hissing & batting at each other. In time, the cats will establish their own hierarchy and they will learn to tolerate each other, just take it extremely slow, especially with Obie. Do not try to push them together too quickly, if he needs his own space for 2-3 months before you feel comfortable even letting him roam the apartment, that's fine. And if there's just hissing, let them hiss, it's how they establish boundaries with each other. Keep a squirt bottle handy, use it if they start swatting at each other, we only used it if they actually made contact, if they were swatting air, we just let it go. You can also contact your vet with any questions about what to expect or what is "normal" behavior for the cats to be exhibiting during all this. I called my vet several times with questions and my boyfriend called his vet as well. They were happy to answer any questions we had. Good luck and keep us posted on how they're doing!!

Originally Posted by Pollysmom /img/forum/go_quote.gif
I have a cat, and for the better part of 13 years she was an only cat. I moved in with my boyfriend several months ago and he had 2 cats, one boy & one girl. We set my cat up in our bedroom with food, water, litter box & toys and she lived there for about a week, week and a half at first. Then we would lock his cats in the basement and let her explore the house for a while, but she always ended up back in the bedroom. It took a LONG time, several months at least where we could let them all roam for an hour or two tops, when we were home. It took several more months before we would let them all out while we were gone. They are doing well now, but we still have hissing & batting at each other. In time, the cats will establish their own hierarchy and they will learn to tolerate each other, just take it extremely slow, especially with Obie. Do not try to push them together too quickly, if he needs his own space for 2-3 months before you feel comfortable even letting him roam the apartment, that's fine. And if there's just hissing, let them hiss, it's how they establish boundaries with each other. Keep a squirt bottle handy, use it if they start swatting at each other, we only used it if they actually made contact, if they were swatting air, we just let it go. You can also contact your vet with any questions about what to expect or what is "normal" behavior for the cats to be exhibiting during all this. I called my vet several times with questions and my boyfriend called his vet as well. They were happy to answer any questions we had. Good luck and keep us posted on how they're doing!!

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thank you!! I like the water bottle idea. I'll probably use that too!

Originally Posted by JessP /img/forum/go_quote.gif

It can take up to two weeks to successfully introduce adult cats to each other. It's a good technique keep Obie in his own room with a litter box and food at first. After a few days, take something out of the room that Obie has slept on or cuddled with and bring it out to Boo and Maui (and vice versa). A few days after that, you can let Obie into another room (if available) but make sure the cats are still separate. It's fine if the cats sniff each other through the door.

After a bit, you can allow the cats to be closer to each other but with something in between them. Once they feel comfortable (can take multiple tries), you can remove the separation and allow all cats in all parts of the apartment. The important thing is to not rush this process - it does take a bit of work and it can especially make pet-owners impatient because we're so excited for everyone to get along lol. But give it a few weeks and the cats should warm up to each other. They have to take time to get familiar with one another, establish a hierarchy, etc.

We have a Savannah cat shop in the mall where I work and I was just talking to the staff about this sort of thing yesterday! This is what they recommended, so I hope it helps! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Click to expand...

This.

It will take a few weeks but they will eventually get use to each other. Also make sure each cat has it's own area to go to for "safety". I have several cats and not all of them get along all the time but they all have their own places to hide and be safe. So long as the cats have their own places they'll be happy and fine, just make sure to get a few extra cat liter boxes because for a while they maybe territorial. If it's possible take the cat that's more scared and having your lap in a safe environment with a blanket and wrap the kitty up then introduce the other cats onto your lap. You can monitor the cats behavior this way as all the cats are use to you.

Originally Posted by zadidoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif


This.

It will take a few weeks but they will eventually get use to each other. Also make sure each cat has it's own area to go to for "safety". I have several cats and not all of them get along all the time but they all have their own places to hide and be safe. So long as the cats have their own places they'll be happy and fine, just make sure to get a few extra cat liter boxes because for a while they maybe territorial. If it's possible take the cat that's more scared and having your lap in a safe environment with a blanket and wrap the kitty up then introduce the other cats onto your lap. You can monitor the cats behavior this way as all the cats are use to you.

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Yes! We have 2 litter boxes already (1 for boo & maui & 1 for obie) and we plan on keeping 2. so I think i've gotten a lot of good advice here. I feel a lot more hopeful than when I first posted this cry for help! Lol

Keep us posted on how things work out! My two cats are sisters and they still have a spat every once in a while lol. I know it can be frustrating but I think everything will turn out just fine /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

Originally Posted by JessP /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Keep us posted on how things work out! My two cats are sisters and they still have a spat every once in a while lol. I know it can be frustrating but I think everything will turn out just fine /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

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LOL My cats do as well and they'll chase each other to where I'm at. It's like baseball in a way around here because I'm the safe base. LOL That or they run to where the dog is at who well then just bark at all of them and the one chasing the other will go scurrying off.