Don't Want To Be A Parent?

Are there any women up here who don't want to have children? Like for me I always say I have my "To Do" list for my life, and motherhood is nowhere near the top or it's not on my list period. I don't know I just don't see myself raising kids...and my mom wants to be a grandmother. Anybody else feel the same way?

some days I really want kids, love them, etc. Other times, I think they're expensive, messy, a massive responsibility and something I never want in my life.

I'm guessing when the right time comes along then I will be happy to have kids, but right now, I'm too selfish to give up my private alone time with my boyfriend, and I certainly don't have either the money, support or time that I would need to look after kids the way I want.

But yeah, it definately is something I wonder about.

kids are a huge responsibility, some women always knew they children. im one of those people. i always wanted a big family, when i had my son i was done though because as hard as motherhood seems before you you have a child-its 100x harder. its a choice everyone makes for themselves and maybe one day you'll change your mind maybe you wont -the beauty of it is its your decision, no one elses!

Sometimes I do, most times I don't. Kids easily annoy me, so I know I would have a hard time dealing with them. And pregnancy?? Ugh. I may not have kids just because I am so scared of pregnancy!

I used to be that way and still am. I have one son but before him I didn't want to deal with kids AT ALL!! I still don't which is a bit wierd. Ppl expect that when a woman has a kid she can deal with any kid. Personally I still feel weird around other kids. Like if I have to hold them or talk to them, I don't really know how to. But with my son I obviously know everything about him.

I still don't want to have another one just due to the fact that I'm only 20 and kids are such a huge responsibility. They make everything about 100 times harder and everything revolves around you son. I don't mind, I love my son to death, but I'm preventing future accidents lol.

I didnt want to have any, yet here i am with three kids, i couldnt really say no to my husband, i love him too much and i wanted to have his babies, yeah they are a huge responsability, a mess, they bug the hell out of me, they broke my body, they barely give me time to do anything, they are huge attention sucks, but i don't care in the end, i still LOVE them with all my heart.

This is something I'm very conflicted over. I'm in the same boat. You have to give up your life for a child. It is the biggest sacrafice a person can make. Right now I'm only 25. I have so much I want to accomplish & I dont even know if I can do it. College and finding a successful career and working on myself so I can be the best person I can be are the top priorities in my life. I feel they are fundamental skills to have if I'm going to seriously consider getting married and having a family. I feel Marriage and family are sacred and one should not enter into it lightly or un-prepared. The world is filled with people who have no business being married or procreating at all! Half of me wants a family bc both of my parents are gone and I really want to have a family around me. I'm very lonely and this would be answer, but I know I cant just jump into something like that. But I also fear that if I do get married & have kids, what happens if there is trouble in the marriage. My parents were divorced and I do not want to do that to my children. Kids dont deserve that kind of trauma and disruption. You lose your innocence and childhood. So yeah, thats my long-winded opinion about that! Arent' you glad I put in my 2 cents? LOL.

I love kids and babies, but I am single and childless by choice. I "knew" since I was 10 years old that I didn't want to marry or have kids. It works for me! I came from a large family with lots of kids. I was also the neighborhood babysitter when I was a teen. I immersed my life with kids--great fun, but I knew it was not a personal choice I would be making. During my 20's and 30's I had to be extra vigilant about birth control. This was a serious thing for me. Men didn't like the no marry and no baby thing. Many thought they could change me, but ultimately they had to move on to those women who were in sync with their goals. This is the best decision I could have made for me. I am 44 and loving my life. I got many attacks and criticisms over the years. People get very angry about this type of thing. My foremothers didn't get to choose the lives they wanted. They had to go along with social norms and values about a woman's place. I had chosen something that was good for me, since they couldn't. I love my friends with kids and hubbies and such. I like my life just fine though. Do what is best for you. Your life is not a dress rehearsal. It's real!

You are getting great advice.

I never thought about having kids - never had that maternal drive.

And I really didn't like being around children and would never hold a baby.

However, I decided to have a baby after I got married.

I hated being pregnant and was terrified of a vaginal delivery.

I ended up having a C section.

Within 18 months, I had my tubes tied. I was (and am) content with just my son. He's 15 and has plans for college. And we have had talks about messing around with girls and consequences. So I'm hoping he won't make me a grandmother for another 15 years.

My point to all of this is:

1 - it is perfectly ok to not want a child

2 - it is perferctly not to have a child

3 - it is perfectly ok to not even get married

Don't let anyone - parents, friends, partners, society, etc. talk you into having a child if you don't want one.

I'm just like you. I do want to have kids eventualy... maybe... like in ten years or so. But if it never happens, I won't be sad. I never dreamed about being a mom and I'm not very good with kids anyways. I never know what to talk about or what to do.

Babies are just not my priority right now. I want to travel, work as hard as I can to become a better professional, spend alone time with my boyfriend, come and go as I please, buy tons of makeup and don't worry about money because I don't need to suport anyone but myself...

I love that my entire world is all about me me me! A kid would totally screw that up.

I think I'm totally selfish because I think this way

Originally Posted by daer0n /img/forum/go_quote.gif I didnt want to have any, yet here i am with three kids, i couldnt really say no to my husband, i love him too much and i wanted to have his babies, yeah they are a huge responsability, a mess, they bug the hell out of me, they broke my body, they barely give me time to do anything, they are huge attention sucks, but i don't care in the end, i still LOVE them with all my heart. ditto!! I was the one that hated children, never wanted them....but i wont lie, once we get where we need to be (and that wont be long) I want more!! One more, and possibly one day want to become a foster parent. There is no better joy in the world than raising a child and providing love to a child (that's just my opinion).
I do respect ladies that dont want kids, cause they can be a handful, I sometimes do want to pull my hair out, lol. I have seen the worse of the worse, cant blame someone for not wanting to experience the bad stuff.

having kids is like the biggest step in life and i see what you mean. im only 20 but i'd love to have kids in a couple of years time.. the only thing that worries me is the responsibility...

Never want to have kids! I didn't even like kids when I WAS a kid. And I still can't stand them. I'm perfectly happy not having any. Im only 25 right now so i know things "can" change...maybe like when I'm 40 or something (my mom had me when she was like 40 so hay who knows) But i dont think it will happen.

I have Bi Polar Disorder as well and I never wanted to bear children. I do however have step children.

Originally Posted by marinasmith /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm just like you. I do want to have kids eventualy... maybe... like in ten years or so. But if it never happens, I won't be sad. I never dreamed about being a mom and I'm not very good with kids anyways. I never know what to talk about or what to do.
Babies are just not my priority right now. I want to travel, work as hard as I can to become a better professional, spend alone time with my boyfriend, come and go as I please, buy tons of makeup and don't worry about money because I don't need to suport anyone but myself...

I love that my entire world is all about me me me! A kid would totally screw that up.

I think I'm totally selfish because I think this way

I feel the same way. I think the whole pregnancy thing scares me too. I just can't imagine pushing a human out of my vajayjay!

I always wanted chhildren and have two grown sons. I am so ready for grandchildren that I almost can't stand it. But I am willing to wait (I better be, because it's not my decision). My oldest is getting married this weekend! This gives me a chance. My father never saw his grandsons and that makes me very sad, but theres nothing I can do about that. Whether to have children or not is a big decision. We ended up not having kids until my wife was 33. We started when she was 30 and unfortuantely we had two miscarriages. I'm glad that you all are giving it a lot of thought. Having kids is not for the faint of heart!

im not sure about kids. I love kids and babies but realistically i just think i am way too selfish to be able to do it 24/7 for at least 18 years. I love my nieces and nephew and spend as much time with them as possible but I dont know how my sisters do it somedays.

I mean going to the supermarket is an expedition for my sister. It takes her like 30 mins just to leave the house! I dont think I could give up my life like that, it would be too much of a shock to the system. Although I cant imagine there is anything in the world that will make you feel more love and pride and I almost dont wanna miss out on that cos I think it would be really fulfilling.

If I do decide to have kids its not gonna be til i'm like 35 at least and I hate the pressure on people to be married and settled down with a husband, mortgage and kids by the time you're 30.

Count me in as one female who definitely never wants to have children of her own. Yes, I said never. Not "oh, maybe someday when I'm older and settled", but never.

I have many reasons, but mostly, I really just don't want to bring more people into this world. I honestly think that society is going downhill fast, and our environment is seriously messed up. There are SO many unwanted/abandoned children in this world who are already living, and need someone to care for and love them. Why would I create another one? Just so I can perpetuate my own genes? No thanks. Not a good enough reason for me.

And on the topic of genes, mine aren't so great. My father's entire family has issues with serious depression and bipolar disorder. I have to deal with my own depression and anxiety issues. I cannot function in daily life without medication. Getting pregnant would mean I'd have to discontinue my medication, and I am positive that combined with pregnancy hormones, I would completely lose it. I can barely take care of myself, nevermind another completely helpless little human being.

If I decide someday when I'm 30 or 40 that there is an empty place in my life that can only be filled by a child, I will adopt, or foster. But there will be no babies coming out of my body, thanks very much. I'm really lucky that my boyfriend feels the same way. He's adamantly against having kids. He's only 22, but volunteered to have a vasectomy if we ever get married. He is one of five boys, and his oldest brother already has 2 kids. Thankfully that means his parents won't pressure us for grandchildren, since they already have some. I've clearly told my mother that I will not be reproducing, and she's just fine with not becoming a grandmother. I count myself very very lucky in that respect. So many people who choose to remain childfree have to deal with huge pressure from their parents and families in general.

I don't think so, i know first hand how disastrous divorces can be and as much as i love my boyfriend i don't trust us to stay together, i know we will break up eventually, plus i don't think i would be a good mother

I know that I would like to have kids someday. Hopefully when that day comes its going to be like 10 years from now lol. I honestly am in no financial security and I know my mom would kill me.