Don't Want To Be A Parent?
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I hate the way society places so much emphasis on a couple to have children even if they don't feel that is their desire. Originally my wife had a medical condition that prevented us from having children and there is nothing worse than someone, especially someone you barely know tell you that your life is like a "house without windows". My wife and i were resolved that if it happened, very good it was meant to be, but in no way were we going to be made to feel incomplete without them.
Decisions like remaining to be single, or whether to have kids are very personal, private decisions and no one, parents included should provide their input on what someone should do.
We eventually did end up having two kids and they are a true joy and yes all our fears about raising kids never became an issue. I do stand by my earlier statement about someone's decision not to have kids.
Originally Posted by S. Lisa Smith /img/forum/go_quote.gif I always wanted chhildren and have two grown sons. I am so ready for grandchildren that I almost can't stand it. But I am willing to wait (I better be, because it's not my decision). My oldest is getting married this weekend! This gives me a chance. My father never saw his grandsons and that makes me very sad, but theres nothing I can do about that. Whether to have children or not is a big decision. We ended up not having kids until my wife was 33. We started when she was 30 and unfortunately we had two miscarriages. I'm glad that you all are giving it a lot of thought. Having kids is not for the faint of heart! congrats on the upcoming wedding!
that story about the miscarriage hits home and i know how rough it is. my wife had one miscarriage before getting a problem sorted out.
Decisions like remaining to be single, or whether to have kids are very personal, private decisions and no one, parents included should provide their input on what someone should do.
We eventually did end up having two kids and they are a true joy and yes all our fears about raising kids never became an issue. I do stand by my earlier statement about someone's decision not to have kids.
Originally Posted by S. Lisa Smith /img/forum/go_quote.gif I always wanted chhildren and have two grown sons. I am so ready for grandchildren that I almost can't stand it. But I am willing to wait (I better be, because it's not my decision). My oldest is getting married this weekend! This gives me a chance. My father never saw his grandsons and that makes me very sad, but theres nothing I can do about that. Whether to have children or not is a big decision. We ended up not having kids until my wife was 33. We started when she was 30 and unfortunately we had two miscarriages. I'm glad that you all are giving it a lot of thought. Having kids is not for the faint of heart! congrats on the upcoming wedding!
that story about the miscarriage hits home and i know how rough it is. my wife had one miscarriage before getting a problem sorted out.
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I NEVER want children. I would make a really bad mom. lol
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Originally Posted by marinasmith /img/forum/go_quote.gif I love that my entire world is all about me me me! A kid would totally screw that up.
I think I'm totally selfish because I think this way
How can you be selfish when there's technically no one else to worry about? When you have a kid, that takes away all the me, me, me. I may be a mom but Im still selfish.
I've let my son know that there's time for him and daddy and time for me and him as well at time for the family together and also time for ourselves. How can my son be happy if I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong I do whatever I need to do as a mom (play with him, teach him new things, discipline, dress etc.)
But if I need some time to relax or just chill on my own, I take it. Being a mom is not gonna stop me from being an individual and in the end this teaches my son the value of respecting others and realizing that he's not the only one.
I think I'm totally selfish because I think this way
How can you be selfish when there's technically no one else to worry about? When you have a kid, that takes away all the me, me, me. I may be a mom but Im still selfish.
I've let my son know that there's time for him and daddy and time for me and him as well at time for the family together and also time for ourselves. How can my son be happy if I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong I do whatever I need to do as a mom (play with him, teach him new things, discipline, dress etc.)
But if I need some time to relax or just chill on my own, I take it. Being a mom is not gonna stop me from being an individual and in the end this teaches my son the value of respecting others and realizing that he's not the only one.
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I'm with what Aprill said earlier-- the whole "sometimes I want to pull my hair out" and right now would be one of those times, hence the break to makeuptalk!
MissBGlam, I admire that you know what you want! And it's totally ok to not want to have kidlets!
I always knew that I wanted children. In my senior book (and way before then but this is the only "proof" of my desires that I have in writing..ha
, I wrote what my life's goals were and they were: to become prima donna of the NY Met, to become an ob/gyn and then to finally be a mom and retire to mommyhood. Well, I never became prima donna of the NY Met (though I am a classically trained opera singer) and "love" got in the way of the whole med school thing but my last goal I did achieve-- to become a mommy, in a big way-- not as big as I had wanted, though (I have always wanted 12 children-- ok, maybe not tonight but...LOL!!!). If my body would hold up for more children, I'd have them in a heartbeat. But, alas, I have too many children to go off and die during the next pregnancy-- they kinda like me around (most of the times
. So, no more kidlets for me, at least biologically.
And, having said that-- T -15 hours until my husband has a vasectomy . . .
Warmly,
Brandi
MissBGlam, I admire that you know what you want! And it's totally ok to not want to have kidlets!
I always knew that I wanted children. In my senior book (and way before then but this is the only "proof" of my desires that I have in writing..ha
And, having said that-- T -15 hours until my husband has a vasectomy . . .
Warmly,
Brandi
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I used to be the same way ! I always said I dont want kids , Im never gona have kids, Their crying drives me crazy, I like my sleep, I wanna get my career going, etc. etc. I never thought I would have em ..........& here I am 22 yrs old with two Babies.........not kids but babies an 18 month old & a 1 month old & boy is it hard!!! Who knows you may change your mind later we never know what the future holds in store for us!!!!!!!!
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Well, working with children for 3 years has changed my views a lot. And as I get older, I have realized how greedy I am - and a child appearing in my life right now just wouldn't cut it. I have to get a lot of things out of my system before I fully am acceptable of having kids. Like, I wanna travel and do as I please and no worry about another person to take care of. I really don't see how people as young as me getting pregnant and being just okay with it... and not fully realizing how hard life would get once the baby is there. Seriously, some girls pop kids out like it's nothing and only 21 years old. The world doesn't end when you have a kid, yeah - but imagine ALL the things you'll miss out too? Hell to nah for me. Nuh uh, no thanks.
But I do want children of my own, eventually. I actually day dream about my own children someday, just wondering how my kids will look, haha. I figured it's hard because you're so used to a lifestyle for many, many years and then switching it up and taking care of someone else - yeah, it's hard.
But I do want children of my own, eventually. I actually day dream about my own children someday, just wondering how my kids will look, haha. I figured it's hard because you're so used to a lifestyle for many, many years and then switching it up and taking care of someone else - yeah, it's hard.
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Quote:
that story about the miscarriage hits home and i know how rough it is. my wife had one miscarriage before getting a problem sorted out. I know how hard that can be Even though I always said I dont want kids When I did get pregnant for the 1st time I had a miscarriage at 2 months it was horrible physically & emotionally!!!!!!!!!! & now God has blessed me with two beautiful babies!!!!! A boy & a girl!!
that story about the miscarriage hits home and i know how rough it is. my wife had one miscarriage before getting a problem sorted out. I know how hard that can be Even though I always said I dont want kids When I did get pregnant for the 1st time I had a miscarriage at 2 months it was horrible physically & emotionally!!!!!!!!!! & now God has blessed me with two beautiful babies!!!!! A boy & a girl!!
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I don't want kids. I'm not very maternal, and I just feel its too much pressure to be responsible for some one elses life. Everyone keeps saying I'm young (22), and I'll change my mind, but I don't see it happening.
Originally Posted by Carolyn /img/forum/go_quote.gif You are getting great advice.
I never thought about having kids - never had that maternal drive.
And I really didn't like being around children and would never hold a baby.
However, I decided to have a baby after I got married.
I hated being pregnant and was terrified of a vaginal delivery.
I ended up having a C section.
Within 18 months, I had my tubes tied. I was (and am) content with just my son. He's 15 and has plans for college. And we have had talks about messing around with girls and consequences. So I'm hoping he won't make me a grandmother for another 15 years.
My point to all of this is:
1 - it is perfectly ok to not want a child
2 - it is perferctly not to have a child
3 - it is perfectly ok to not even get married
Don't let anyone - parents, friends, partners, society, etc. talk you into having a child if you don't want one.
That is really great advice Carolyn. Thank you!
I never thought about having kids - never had that maternal drive.
And I really didn't like being around children and would never hold a baby.
However, I decided to have a baby after I got married.
I hated being pregnant and was terrified of a vaginal delivery.
I ended up having a C section.
Within 18 months, I had my tubes tied. I was (and am) content with just my son. He's 15 and has plans for college. And we have had talks about messing around with girls and consequences. So I'm hoping he won't make me a grandmother for another 15 years.
My point to all of this is:
1 - it is perfectly ok to not want a child
2 - it is perferctly not to have a child
3 - it is perfectly ok to not even get married
Don't let anyone - parents, friends, partners, society, etc. talk you into having a child if you don't want one.
That is really great advice Carolyn. Thank you!
