Aging Parents

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My mother in law will be 80 years old in October....she has had some serious issues this year with depression,paranoia,dementia,etc. My husband had to drive 3 hours to this week to admit her to a geriatric clinic.It really broke his heart because he promised her he would never have her confined.She was commited when he was 9 for depression,back then they treated her with electric shock therapy,so you can see where she would be terrified. We are going to visit her tomorrow.

This makes me want to prepare for when my mother is older.She is 62 now. Has anyone ever thought about what to do with aging parents? I want my mom to live with us as long as we are able to care for her.

 
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Well....my parents are very young, but I am going through this with The BF's parents. His Mom was just diagnosed with Inoperable Lung Cancer. They live about 5 minutes away. I will be staying with her all through chemo, luckily I don't work right now. It's very scary...

 
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Originally Posted by BeneBaby /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well....my parents are very young, but I am going through this with The BF's parents. His Mom was just diagnosed with Inoperable Lung Cancer. They live about 5 minutes away. I will be staying with her all through chemo, luckily I don't work right now. It's very scary... Sorry to hear that amanda.
I just went through that with my grandfather, and it is the worst thing to deal with. I can't even imagine how it feels when your diagnosed with something like that. I want to think that I'm a strong person... but I'm NOT. Cancer has taken too many people I love, it's become a nightmare for me. I hope she's okay.
 
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I really honestly havent thought about what I would do. I dont really wanna think about that either.

 
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my parents are still in their 40s, so i don't have to deal with this yet. i know my parents are both very independent, so i hope they'll still be like that in 20 years.

 
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Sorry to hear about your mother in law!

my parents are still in their 50s. and I can only hope that when they will be older they could get along on their own. if they could'nt I will do that for them

 
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Thank you everyone. We are going to see her now.Its just a shame that she lives 3 hours away.If she were closer to us it would be such a relief,she would see one of us everyday,we would handle her finances,make sure she keeps Dr apts. etc.

 
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Both my mother and my father (divorced) lived in their homes till they passed away... And they were lucky that they had plenty of children to look in on them.

My daughter works at an assisted living facility over the summer break from college and it's really a very nice place... but really really expensive!! up to $5,000 per month. But the resident's love it there and are well taken care of...

It's hard for sure!!! We will have to deal with my mother-in-law soon since she is in her late 70's and lives in northern WI all by herself.. Nearest child is 300 miles away..

Karren

 
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amanda. i feel your pain but honestly you are doing such a good thing. My dad was sick for 8 months in the hospital, I would go everyday. and then when they released him, he came to live with me. You just never know and now since he passed away in November, even though I am happy that he is somewhere painfree, I will never forget that I had that time with him.

THe person who is sick feels so helpless, that having someone near them, makes them feel important in their time of need.

You are doing such a wonderful thing, and your family and your BF's family will always appreciate it.

Originally Posted by BeneBaby /img/forum/go_quote.gif Well....my parents are very young, but I am going through this with The BF's parents. His Mom was just diagnosed with Inoperable Lung Cancer. They live about 5 minutes away. I will be staying with her all through chemo, luckily I don't work right now. It's very scary...
 
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Hugs for Manders and Farris


My adoptive parents are 65 and 67, both in good healthy so far, but you never know what the future holds. My parents would never be put in a home, because we know how they feel about it, they made it clear to all seven of us kids. Not sure how that would work out when they get really old or ill. Two of my siblings are disabled and one moved away permanently a long time ago. That leaves me and 3 of my older brothers. We'll see I guess . . .

 

Lia

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Mom and dad are already on their 50's and they started to think when they grow older - mom says they'll move to a living facility that exists here that is really good, it's like mini houses inside the place - she says that she doesn't want to live with any of us, neither stay on our apartment, which is very big, when it becomes just her and dad.

 
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My mom is also 62. My dad died of lung cancer at 56 which metastisized to his brain in 1998. My mom sold her home a year ago and moved in with my grandmother who is 80. I'm an only child so yes I think about it frequently. More since I became a hospice nurse because I see what these families go through. I'll keep my mom with me as long as I am physically able. Too many kind and wonderful people get dumped in nursing homes because no one wants to care for them. Then there are those familes that want to but just can't for whatever reason. They are the ones that visit everyday, wracked with guilt because they either have to work or are physically unable to care for someone else though. I have a patient right now with some dementia living in assisted living and dying a slow death. She literally has no one. She has a court appointed power of attorney who doesn't know her at all, so when I call and ask her things she just says "I need yall to make the decisions, I'll just sign the paperwork". It breaks my heart. The patient is so sweet.

 
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It is indeed difficult. One of my aunts is in a nursing home. I know it was difficult for my cousin to place her in one. She does get visitors a few times a week and it really makes her day. Tomorrow is her 94th birthday and were having a party for her. I know she will be happy to see family.

I use to work as a health care aid with seniors in their homes and apartments. I have seen how difficult it is for family to place them in a nursing home or senior residences. Some of them are willing to go, others resist because they want to be independent and fear going into one because they feel are losing control.

It does make me sad to see that some families just dump them into these places because they don't care or can't be bothered.

I know a few seniors I worked with literally had no family. None of them would visit and so many of them are sweet. Makes me angry that people do this to others.

 
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There is a senior community in our neighborhood.Its not assisted living though,and its 1500 per month.She and her husband can sell their home and probably make quite a profit and buy a smaller home in our town.That way,they are not totally dependent on someone they dont know.My husband has his mother's power of attorney,but she has no health care directive. We are getting her a will kit,because she only has a living will.The only way we would ever put her in a home would be if it ever got to be really extreme.I'm hoping that doesnt happen.We visited her today and she is doing well.If she would just take her meds and see her doctor like she is supposed to,she would be fine. We live 3 hours away,so there is only so much we can do....we both feel helpless sometimes.

 
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my mom passed away when she was 42 and my dad now is 55 but he remarried (way before my mom passed, they were divorced) so i thank God that he at least has someone to look after him, his wife is 46. i also have 2 more brothers that i know would do anything for my dad, but they are still young. my dad has always been a workaholoic and he's a very healthy strong man, i could say even stronger than most 30 something year olds out there!!! but i guess it does cross your mind once in a while, but i know if my mom were still alive today, she would definatley be living with me or walking distance from me, without a doubt!!!

 

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