Bad Friendships

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He (my ex-friend) apparently was giving me hints that he want to date me while he had a girlfriend. I thought he was just being nice to me. I was kinda native about relationships. I mean I still am, but I grew up more now. They were having problems in their relationship. His girlfriend (he broke up with her now I found out) really was mad, and said to him to pick her or me. He picked her. He is kinda of a jerk and doesn't have good reputation at the college I was attending. He really hurt me alot and I don't want to talk to him at all, nor want to be his friend now.

 
Quote: Originally Posted by Tamsi /img/forum/go_quote.gif
  I think we sometimes have an unrealistic idea of what friendships should be like, you see groups of friends in tv shows/films and they're all there for each other and involved in each other's lives when actually it's not like that.

I think you need to step back from 'toxic' friendships, so-called friends who actually make you feel bad.

I've made lots of friends online that I've then gone on to meet in real life. Some people say that people lie a lot online but in my experience people are more open and honest as there's no agenda and everybody's equal.
That is so true. Shows like Friends, Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives make it look like you can just meet people and befriend other women who have totally opposite personalities, and just fall into being a really tightly knit group. In real life, it is so hard to make friends, and find people I have enough in common with to actually have long conversations. Other women judge me for arbitrary things, like having a small dog, and being from the Bible Belt. And half of the women I meet are passive aggressive, or really negative, or want me to swing with them, or just don't like me as much as I like them.

How many real life people do you know, who have totally opposite personalities like Phoebe and Monica, who actually really like each other and spend a lot of time together?

I've met other women that I really like, and might have liked to be friends with me, but we just didn't have enough in common to actually have fun hanging out together.

It's hard.

 
well, even though this thread is so so so old, im still wanting to post in it, as ive had so many bad friendships.

yes, there were a lot of times where I used to bully people, and yes, there were reasons behind it... but it seems as though im one of those people who just never used to find the right type of kids to hang out with... I used to hang with geeks/nerds (mostly boys, as chicks were just too hard to mingle with) and then id hang with chicks and dudes who were popular idi*ts.

now that im homeschooled, and I don't hang with Any kids, not until I go to a meet up, I realise, so many kids are just so self absorbed, arrogant, precious or just plain ugh.

in one way or another, I prefer being homeschooled, even though, yes, im lonely as, I would rather be alone rather than live in a false reality and hang out with stink unreal friends.

I have always never made true friends, but at the moment, I have this really amazing friend who is there for me no matter what, and I treat her like a sister, she is truly someone who I feel is like a biological sister... even though she isn't. :D /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

im greatful for the people who are 100% willing to be true friends, and im glad that I see how to treat people now, with respect and care. :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> 

 
Ashley Teague said:
All my life i've never really had good friends. I could go on and on about how my current "friends" are not good as well but I will just give an example. I spent tons of money to go visit them and I never saw them. It makes me feel sad and lonley to know that the things i'd do for them are not in turn done for me. All relationships take two people and I'm just getting burnt out on putting in all the effort. After all they have done to me to this day if one of them called I'd still be there for them. What is the best way to let go of bad friendships? How do you cut those ties wiithout hurting anyone's feelings? What do you do when you feel lonley and also what's the best way to make and meet new good quality friends?
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I have a friend who is a really bad friend and I'am always there for him it actually really irritates me when he ignores my texts / phone calls because I feel like I'am such a good friend to him and I dont get the same back in return my advice is just end the friendship already its only one sided and your never gonna get the same you give out in those type of relationships.It is very strange to me because he said oh your like my best friend but you wouldnt treat your best friend like shit and ignore them for months on end which he does all the time lol.I just feel like people like that need to be told off you need to stand up for yourself and let them know that what they are doing is not right and tell them how you feel.I told him how I felt and hes like I felt terrible and I didnt cry but I amost did its like no you didnt cry  you dont care your a jerk and a bad friend thats why I'am no longer fake friends with him anymore because it takes so much out of me to be fake nice and go out of my way for people like that.I would even buy him birthday gifts and crap all the time I didnt get shit in return from him my birthday would come and go and I would be lucky to get a text message saying happy birthday.

 
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lovelycandygurl said:
I hate when a girlfriend makes a guy choose her or a friend. why? because one of my ex-friends did that to me. and it hurts.
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My best friend when I was a child , high school and in college met a guy married him and he made her stop speaking to me and all her friends.   He said we were to wild and he wanted her home all the time not going out.  I was married with a child and not wild at all he just wanted to isolate her from other people. The thing that still hurts me to this day is that she allowed him to do that.   No man would ever take me away from my friends.

 
lovelycandygurl said:
He (my ex-friend) apparently was giving me hints that he want to date me while he had a girlfriend. I thought he was just being nice to me. I was kinda native about relationships. I mean I still am, but I grew up more now. They were having problems in their relationship. His girlfriend (he broke up with her now I found out) really was mad, and said to him to pick her or me. He picked her. He is kinda of a jerk and doesn't have good reputation at the college I was attending. He really hurt me alot and I don't want to talk to him at all, nor want to be his friend now.
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what a bunch of head games

 
I moved a few years ago and found that a lot of the people who I thought were my very best friends seem to have forgotten that I exist. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Ditto with some coworkers who I considered good friends. After I left the job (even when I was in the same city), I never heard from them again. On the other hand, some people who I thought were only acquaintances have really stepped up to the plate, and I've become better friends with them now that we're states away.

Another problem is that everyone changes over time, for better or for worse. One of my former best friends has pretty much fallen off the radar despite me doing my best to keep in contact with her. This really bothered me, because I've done so much for her to help her over the years when she's gone through rough patches (the culmination was when I literally saved her life by carrying her into an emergency room after I found her overdosed on the street a block from a hospital -- she was in the ICU for 3 days), and I feel like it's not fair that she hasn't reciprocated when I'm having a rough time. I think I've finally realized that she has some serious problems with alcoholism, and right now she doesn't have whatever it takes to save herself, much less help me. My last attempt to reach out to her left me feeling burnt, so I'm not going to put any more effort into that relationship until she can get a grip on her problems. I feel pretty terrible about making this decision, and it makes me feel guilty to unload a friend when she's in such a dark place, but I can't keep putting time and energy into relationships and get nothing in return. On the other hand, I really hope she can get to a place where we can be actual friends again in a balanced relationship.

Someone told me last week that some relationships leave you feeling like a bar of soap -- everyone around you gets clean while you slowly disappear. It's hard feeling like you're alone, but for me, it feels better than having a constant gut feeling like you're being taken advantage of. I'm sick of friends who only contact me when they need help moving, so I've been working on phasing those people out of my life and keeping the people who are willing to reciprocate.

 

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