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EDITED- nevermind. too off topic.
Broke up w/ my fiance of six years, how do I move on?
- Thread starter perlanga
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hi perlanga...you don't know me and definitely don't have to follow my advice...but you asked just how to go about dealing with getting over him and moving on. after reading all the responses, i realized everyone got so wrapped up in his illness that everyone forgot about what you asked. i went thru a terrible breakup with a guy who was very abusive and i suspected some sort of narcissism or anti social personality issues in him....infact i still think he's going undiagnosed with something because he is the type of guy who leads two lives, compulsive liar, and very very threatening.
basically how i got over all of that was by drastically cutting myself off from him. i moved from southern CA back up to Northern CA to be with my parents. i changed my phone number. i blocked all his online access to me. and then i thru my focus into myself. i was working full time then, working out five days a week, and being as social as humanly possible with friends and family. distance and distraction works wonders to heal. and in all the effort of working on myself, the following year i found a wonderful guy and am now married. when you take care of you everything else falls into place.
and even though you may moarn what you could have had with him, it's better to concentrate on the reality of what has happened to him. susceptibility to schizophrenia often have a genetic predisposition, and then trauma can really trigger it but even without the military trauma. it could have developed in him anyway with either some other trauma or he could have had a huge genetic component. schizophrenia so extremely familial and could have put future children at risk for mental disturbances. consider yourself lucky to have dodged the bullet now and i'm sure you will find the true happiness that you seek, there is someone for everyone.
basically how i got over all of that was by drastically cutting myself off from him. i moved from southern CA back up to Northern CA to be with my parents. i changed my phone number. i blocked all his online access to me. and then i thru my focus into myself. i was working full time then, working out five days a week, and being as social as humanly possible with friends and family. distance and distraction works wonders to heal. and in all the effort of working on myself, the following year i found a wonderful guy and am now married. when you take care of you everything else falls into place.
and even though you may moarn what you could have had with him, it's better to concentrate on the reality of what has happened to him. susceptibility to schizophrenia often have a genetic predisposition, and then trauma can really trigger it but even without the military trauma. it could have developed in him anyway with either some other trauma or he could have had a huge genetic component. schizophrenia so extremely familial and could have put future children at risk for mental disturbances. consider yourself lucky to have dodged the bullet now and i'm sure you will find the true happiness that you seek, there is someone for everyone.
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I'm so sorry!! That's difficult and very traumatic. Nobody realizes how difficult it is until they are dealing with it themselves. My half brother is paranoid schizophrenic and the illness caused so much heartache in my family... we simply couldn't care for him anymore and had to put him in a program because we couldn't risk any of us getting hurt or him bringing bad news home. I had a friend who is a psychiatrist tell me I need to be there for him more, do more... but they don't realize how difficult that is, especially when you're constantly putting your own life in danger each time!!
It's not fair to have to live through something like that for either the person sick or who ever is trying to care for them. It takes away from the quality of life and is so painful. I've cried numerous times over him, and I can only imagine your pain. I wish you the best and him the best.
It's not fair to have to live through something like that for either the person sick or who ever is trying to care for them. It takes away from the quality of life and is so painful. I've cried numerous times over him, and I can only imagine your pain. I wish you the best and him the best.
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Perlanga,
I want first to tell you how sorry I am for everything that you are going through...I know that your pain is immense and right now you feel as if you have no where to turn. But I can promise you that you will realize that you are stronger than you ever knew you were, and this decision while heartbreaking now will be the best thing for you both in the long run. You may have "lost" friends through this, but those people will soon know that you are not doing this to hurt him, but to save yourself. And that's what you need to do.
I can understand your situation, I ended an engagement of nearly 5 & 1/2 years...knowing that it wasn't going to work...but loving him nonetheless...and its traumatic. You have to get up everyday and get through that day and then do it all over again the next day....and simply remember, you can get through this. I promise...one day you will not feel like this anymore.
You will both be in my thoughts and prayers, but know that you are made the right decision.
Take Care....
I want first to tell you how sorry I am for everything that you are going through...I know that your pain is immense and right now you feel as if you have no where to turn. But I can promise you that you will realize that you are stronger than you ever knew you were, and this decision while heartbreaking now will be the best thing for you both in the long run. You may have "lost" friends through this, but those people will soon know that you are not doing this to hurt him, but to save yourself. And that's what you need to do.
I can understand your situation, I ended an engagement of nearly 5 & 1/2 years...knowing that it wasn't going to work...but loving him nonetheless...and its traumatic. You have to get up everyday and get through that day and then do it all over again the next day....and simply remember, you can get through this. I promise...one day you will not feel like this anymore.
You will both be in my thoughts and prayers, but know that you are made the right decision.
Take Care....
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Exactly what she said. Can't imagine having to both mourn an end of a relationship, and the feeling that you have lost "the real person" because of his illness. But I truely hope, regardless of friends you will have lost from this, that you can move on and find a bit of happiness, and that you have a tight support network. Breaking up sucks. In terms of moving on, yes concentrate on the reality. Appreciate what you once had with him, what he would have taught you as a person, let yourself break down, but know that what once was there isn't there anymore.
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My deepest sympathy for you and your fiancee. . . [not that anyone passed away, but more than sorry about this situation]
It's very sad to know that the War has not only killed people on contact but also families that are back home and dealing with tragedies themselves. **sigh**
All in all, it seems like for the best, Perlanga. ONLY because someone with that high intensity belief of you plotting to hurt him is just out of the question to deal with, for both. It's hard. [As for him praying at any given time might not be such a bad thing, but wanting to become a holy being is not up to him and really interesting that he is so adamant about it.] I agree with the girls on taking the reality of all this and stay strong. . . God has a plan for you and him. Hoping you find peace of mind in knowing you are cared for and will find happiness again.
It's very sad to know that the War has not only killed people on contact but also families that are back home and dealing with tragedies themselves. **sigh**
All in all, it seems like for the best, Perlanga. ONLY because someone with that high intensity belief of you plotting to hurt him is just out of the question to deal with, for both. It's hard. [As for him praying at any given time might not be such a bad thing, but wanting to become a holy being is not up to him and really interesting that he is so adamant about it.] I agree with the girls on taking the reality of all this and stay strong. . . God has a plan for you and him. Hoping you find peace of mind in knowing you are cared for and will find happiness again.
