Discussing Engagement Rings

Makeuptalk.com - Makeup forums and reviews

Help Support Makeuptalk.com - Makeup forums and reviews:

Joined
Dec 27, 2011
Messages
4,330
Reaction score
46
My SO and I have been discussing potentially getting married off and on through out our relationship. Nothing too terribly serious but it seems to be headed in that direction recently and I'd really like to talk to him about it.

It would be both of our second marriage and while I do not want the big white dress, flowers and huge party, there is one thing I do know I want and that is the ring. Would it be uncouth to bring this up beforehand so in case he is thinking buying something? Or hell, maybe I should just propose instead of waiting for him. LOL

 
Joined
Dec 13, 2011
Messages
431
Reaction score
12
my husband and I were engaged for 3 years before we got married. We knew we wanted to get married but we also wanted to see how it would be for us to live together with a comittment. IDK how long you 2 have been together, but you guys could discuss at least getting engaged and see how it goes from there.

 
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
4,341
Reaction score
138
Location
Northern New Jersey
I've been with my S/O for 5 years now and we discussed getting married before and we were soo close to getting engaged once - we were looking at diamond rings during our vacation and the credit card company denied the transaction because 1- we were in Mexico and 2- the amount.  Even after calling the card and verifying it was us, they still didn't let the charge thru...  that was the last time we talked about getting married/engaged and we've just been together and getting thru life since then. 

Am I disappointed? Yes.

But, this would be my second marriage and I'm not in the mood right now to deal with anyone/everything in regards to getting married again.  Besides, everyone knows we're together and we love each other to the point that we act like we're married anyways.  It's just formality at this point.

What I would suggest is having a chat with him... making it casual will help you determine how serious he is about it and you can take the conversation where you need it to go from there.

Good Luck.

 
Joined
Dec 27, 2011
Messages
4,330
Reaction score
46
We actually had the talk shortly after I made this post. He is on board and he agrees that we should buy our rings together. 

Of course, once he say what ring I want, he about swallowed his tongue but I believe in fairness and I think having him pay for something I really want is unfair so right now the preliminary plan is if/when we want to take the plunge, I'll buy the wedding rings, he'll buy the honeymoon. :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
4,341
Reaction score
138
Location
Northern New Jersey
Originally Posted by Pancua /img/forum/go_quote.gif

We actually had the talk shortly after I made this post. He is on board and he agrees that we should buy our rings together. 

Of course, once he say what ring I want, he about swallowed his tongue but I believe in fairness and I think having him pay for something I really want is unfair so right now the preliminary plan is if/when we want to take the plunge, I'll buy the wedding rings, he'll buy the honeymoon. :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />
As long as your comfortable with that arrangement. 

I did something like that with my first engagement ring... I paid for it on my Bank Card and he paid me back a few months later.  Only to use that money back into wedding stuff...  In the end I still felt like I paid for it and bought it for myself.  Its stupid I know... but now that the marriage is over... I still feel that way.

 
Joined
Mar 17, 2011
Messages
4,341
Reaction score
138
Location
Northern New Jersey
The ring from Mexico was about 2K and I loved the size, the design, and everything about it.  I told him that I wanted something similar so if he found it here and paid for it I would want him to pay cash for it.  (Im a Dave Ramsey Girl)  So, needless to say he must save his pennies for it and I must be patient. 


 
Joined
Dec 27, 2011
Messages
4,330
Reaction score
46
Yeah, the one I want is upward of 5k and its EXACTLY what I want and is not a traditional wedding set. Since that is literally going to be the most expensive thing for the "wedding", I don't feel right saying he has to pay for all of it. But since we want to do a week in Cancun or something like that which is comparable in price, I think that is a much better arrangement.

 
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
7,095
Reaction score
100
I'm very anti-engagement rings.  It serves no purpose in the 21st Century where both husband and wife-to-be work and share finances.  Initially, engagement rings is proof the the wife's family that the potential husband is able to support the wife when they marry. This went away like dowries (in older Chinese culture, the husband's family will present the wife with a chest full of gold jewellery for her to wear and signify her worth to the husband's family). 

My husband proposed on bended knee but no ring .  We lived together, I don't want to start our married life in debt so I can have a shiny rock on my finger.  I asked that on our 10yr wedding anniversary that he buy me a nice diamond ring.  He bought me a ring the year our son was born, then another when we had our 10 year.  My parents eloped, every anniversary and every birthday, my dad buys her a piece of jewellery as his family did not present my mother with a dowry like the rest of his brothers.  $5k is a good down payment for a car.  I'll have a new car vs some ring. 

 
Joined
Dec 27, 2011
Messages
4,330
Reaction score
46
To each their own but since we already have 2 nice cars and no debt, I'll take the ring. :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />
 

Originally Posted by divadoll /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I'm very anti-engagement rings.  It serves no purpose in the 21st Century where both husband and wife-to-be work and share finances.  Initially, engagement rings is proof the the wife's family that the potential husband is able to support the wife when they marry. This went away like dowries (in older Chinese culture, the husband's family will present the wife with a chest full of gold jewellery for her to wear and signify her worth to the husband's family). 

My husband proposed on bended knee but no ring .  We lived together, I don't want to start our married life in debt so I can have a shiny rock on my finger.  I asked that on our 10yr wedding anniversary that he buy me a nice diamond ring.  He bought me a ring the year our son was born, then another when we had our 10 year.  My parents eloped, every anniversary and every birthday, my dad buys her a piece of jewellery as his family did not present my mother with a dowry like the rest of his brothers.  $5k is a good down payment for a car.  I'll have a new car vs some ring. 

 
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
345
Reaction score
5
I had a beautiful engagement ring, but when the marriage went sour, I sold the ring to help pay for my divorce. My boyfriend of five years has brought up marriage in the terms of maybe someday, but not right now. I couldn't be happier. I'm in no hurry. I did buy myself a very nice right hand ring for my thirtieth birthday. I told him if someday we decide to get married we could just get wedding bands and I'll switch my right hand ring to my left. He is cool with that idea. Probably because he knows that the term inexpensive and jewelry don't belong in the same sentence when it comes to me.

 
Joined
May 29, 2011
Messages
111
Reaction score
1
I agree to each their own.....but I also agree that I could spend 5K on something else with less of a "holy crap, did I just spend that" thought. 

For the first 10 years of my marriage, I was happy with my $100.00 engagement ring and $100.00 wedding band.  I didn't like diamonds when we got married, so he bought me a yellow-gold ring with my birthstone in it.  I thought it was perfect....it was different than the norm and that's what I shoot for in everyday life anyhow.  10 years later, we upgraded.  Figured we survived some of the roughest crap a couple could survive and we deserved something to celebrate that.  We upgraded to white-gold with diamonds.  The set I have now is a three diamond ring surrounded by two diamond anniversary bands.  It took me two years to create what I wanted and it's the last time I'll ever change the ring I wear on that finger.  It cost about $800.00 in the end....and his cost about $300.00.  Some people think that was too much to spend on one little finger....but I'm not married to them, so I don't give a rat's patootie what they think.

Would I have a "holy crap, did I just spend that" thought if I paid $5K for one piece of jewelry?  Yes...I would.  BUT, I'm not the one buying it, so you shouldn't give a rat's patootie if that's how I'd feel.  Do I think you should get what makes you happy?  Yup! 

 
Joined
Dec 27, 2011
Messages
4,330
Reaction score
46
I don't really care what anyone else thinks on the cost of the ring. The only people who matter are my and my SO. What I was wanting advice on was more broaching the subject regarding rings in the first place. My SO is a bit of a traditionalist while I am not and I wanted to be sure we were both on the same page before we got there and it got awkward. I was struggling with the best way to go about doing that.

Thankfully, the subject came up in casual conversation and we were able to discuss it in depth, which I love. I know I'm freaking out about the money but its also the last piece of significant jewelry I'll ever buy (I don't wear much to begin with and very rare at that). He and I are both older and we've realized that there are certain things we are just not going to compromise on. We both have really well paying, stable jobs and no children to speak of (the youngest is 18 next year).

At the end of the day, I worked, saved and paid for my own things. Been that way for 20 years now.

Anyone who wants to spend the time and energy to pass judgement on that, can be my guest. I'll be over here enjoying life. :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />
 

Originally Posted by Pamella /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I agree to each their own.....but I also agree that I could spend 5K on something else with less of a "holy crap, did I just spend that" thought. 

For the first 10 years of my marriage, I was happy with my $100.00 engagement ring and $100.00 wedding band.  I didn't like diamonds when we got married, so he bought me a yellow-gold ring with my birthstone in it.  I thought it was perfect....it was different than the norm and that's what I shoot for in everyday life anyhow.  10 years later, we upgraded.  Figured we survived some of the roughest crap a couple could survive and we deserved something to celebrate that.  We upgraded to white-gold with diamonds.  The set I have now is a three diamond ring surrounded by two diamond anniversary bands.  It took me two years to create what I wanted and it's the last time I'll ever change the ring I wear on that finger.  It cost about $800.00 in the end....and his cost about $300.00.  Some people think that was too much to spend on one little finger....but I'm not married to them, so I don't give a rat's patootie what they think.

Would I have a "holy crap, did I just spend that" thought if I paid $5K for one piece of jewelry?  Yes...I would.  BUT, I'm not the one buying it, so you shouldn't give a rat's patootie if that's how I'd feel.  Do I think you should get what makes you happy?  Yup! 

 
Joined
May 29, 2011
Messages
111
Reaction score
1
Sorry you took my comment as judgmental.  Totally not what was intended.  Simply said for me, couldn't do it....but I did say you should do what makes you happy.  Doesn't sound judgmental to me...but if that's what you took from it, sorry.

 
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
7,095
Reaction score
100
I think its just because she REALLY wants that ring.  I said before $5k retail I would not pay either.  

Originally Posted by Pamella /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Sorry you took my comment as judgmental.  Totally not what was intended.  Simply said for me, couldn't do it....but I did say you should do what makes you happy.  Doesn't sound judgmental to me...but if that's what you took from it, sorry.
 
Joined
May 29, 2011
Messages
111
Reaction score
1
I agree....and it looks like anyone telling her they wouldn't do it themselves she's going to take as a form of judgment against her decision and desire.  Oh well.  If she wants to take judgmental tones away from my comment, that's on her. 

 
Joined
Dec 27, 2011
Messages
4,330
Reaction score
46
Originally Posted by Pamella /img/forum/go_quote.gif

I agree....and it looks like anyone telling her they wouldn't do it themselves she's going to take as a form of judgment against her decision and desire.  Oh well.  If she wants to take judgmental tones away from my comment, that's on her. 
This is apparently going to hit a button either way. I didn't have any ill intent towards anyone, I was also merely expressing my own thoughts and opinions.

I didn't realize it was being taken any other way. In the future, I'll just keep my own personal thoughts outside of cosmetics off the board. Thanks for the lesson, ladies.   :) /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 
Joined
Mar 8, 2012
Messages
3
Reaction score
0
Why don't you leave your computer open to a jewelry site like James Allen, with a few pics of engagement rings you like...?
Maybe then he'll get the hint...Good luck!

 

Latest posts

Top