Family gave me an ultimatum

[kawaiimeows]

BTW, according to my fitbit, I've burned 1400 calories sitting on my porch typing for 2 hours while on MUT!!!  Yes, FitBits can be way off!!

One of my friends got a fitbit and she's like so excited about how many calories its saying she's burned, just from walking around the office and stuff. I don't know how to break it to her that its not accurate, considering how much work I have to do on the elliptical just to burn 300 calories LOL. 

 

[tulosai]

I do want to be clear @@Babs28 that I am not a doctor, and that I definitely don't mean anything I say is gospel or that something might not be interfering with weight loss.  I do still think it's very unlikely that the specific numbers the OP gave are accurate (as again, even with most medical conditions, those numbers with absolutely no loss would not be possible even were it slow loss) and think it's way more likely that this is a miscalculation than a medical problem because statistically it is more likely but again, I didn't mean to sound flippant about the possibility of a medical issue and have joined others in urging the OP to see a doctor. 

Unfortunately though for every person with a genuine medical impediment there are literally 20+ who just don't have an accurate idea about calories  eaten vs. burned, especially if they don't have a food scale, are just eyeballing, and rely on fitbit.  My aunt is an extreme example, but she's 5'7" and realistically I think at least 250 pounds but that is generous- she is probably closer to 300.  Once a year we go to NYC together with my mom and other cousins and aunts on a girls weekend. We'll have one really nice dinner at a NY restaurant.  Conservatively, this dinner will be 2000-3000 calories a person when you factor in wine and desserts. Then we'll go to the metro (1-4 blocks walk) walk down the metro stairs and then up them again when we get to our stop, and walk another 1-4 blocks to the hotel.  My aunt will then say "With all these stairs and walking we've burned off dinner!" and actually mean it.  I'm sitting there thinking no, you've burned maybe 250 calories of 2000 and that also is generous.

I also am genuinely curious about how the OP is burning as many calories as she says on a daily basis. I'm in okay shape but I'm 5'9" , under 30 years old, and closer to 200 pounds than to 150 and on a REALLY good day with running about 45-50 minutes, walking another 45-60 minutes, AND taking in a fitness class of some kind, I still don't usually burn 1000.

I am really concerned about my tone because I don't want it to sound like I am attacking anyone especially the OP, and I am not 100% sure if the OP wanted diet/fitness advice or wanted advice on how to deal with her family (and I don't mean to be ignoring that part of this because I can't imagine my family treating me this way).  But if real advice on losing weight is wanted I don't think it helps to sugarcoat things either.

 

[jesemiaud]

I am so very sorry that you are dealing with an unsupportive family. I find it incredible that a parent would do this to their child. I have three children and it would kill me to not speak to them.

Do you have any other role models in your life that you can spend time with? Someone at church (if you have one) or your job? Or just any really good girlfriends that can support you right now?

A weight watchers group may be something to think about. Spending time with a group of people that are working toward the same goals as yourself could offer the non-judgemental support that you need. 

Hugs to you and please know, if losing weight is something YOU want to do, then go for it. If you are only trying to lose weight to please your parents, you will be less likely to be successful. And frankly, if your parents refuse to speak to you because you need to lose weight, actually losing the weight is not going to fix the underlying issue in your relationship.

 

[kawaiimeows]

Hey y'all,

Just stepping in to say, if you were wondering why the topic creator is now banned, its because its a new account of a user we have had to ban repeatedly in the past for causing problems.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to message me!  :flowers:

 

[Esthylove]

So my family has given me an ultimatum that if I don't lose weight they won't talk to me.  We haven't had contact for almost 3 months now.  They won't take my calls.  By my family I mean my parents.

They said that they want me to lose 30 pounds but if I lose 15 pounds they are willing to talk to me sometimes.  However, I have been exercising like crazy for the past 3 months, I literally have placed my life on hold in order to exercise and guess what?  My weight has remained EXACTLY the same.  I eat healthy and moderate portions at normal times throughout the day and I'm not willing to do anything crazy like just eat 1 cup of vegetables a day BUT I'm getting more and more desperate.

Sometimes it hurts so bad that they don't want to have anything to do with me.  I can't just write off my own parents and forget about them, I want them in my life.

I'm sorry, but that is messed up. Parents should be there to back you up 100% of the time. They should be there helping and moitivating you to keep working hard at it. All they're doing is making this harder on you. No parent should threaten to not talk to you because they want you to lose weight. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It sounds like you're working hard, so keep up the good work. It will pay off, I promise!! /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[Esthylove]

I'd like to chime in from personal experience.  There are certain things that totally negate the logic of calories in being less than calories burned = weight loss. Certain medications and a thyroid issue (as well as certain recreational drugs) will TOTALLY negate that effect.  I was on a medication that caused me to gain 30 lbs and no matter how healthy I ate and counted calories or how much I ran or worked out to build muscle, i could not lose the excess weight.  Once I was off the medication, the weight literally fell off.  @ are you on medication?  

Also, @ is correct, if you are using a fitbit or that type of activity tracker, you have to calibrate it to your steps on a known distance course (like a high school track) to get a GENERALLY accurate calories burned count or distance covered measurement.  I use one and the distance and calories burned is totally off. I only know this because I've been a runner pretty much all my life with the exception of the last 4 years due to injury and I have a general idea of my calories burned per day depending on what I do.

Regardless of your weight, you should be unconditionally loved.  I second, third, fourth, the rest of the suggestions the ladies have given you regarding seeing a therapist and getting a thorough check up by a doctor.  Yes, of course it is scary, we all fear the worst and unknown but it's better to know if something is wrong so you can treat it, rather than letting it fester and get worse.  

I can agree with the medication. I'm on a bunch that makes me retain water and I work out hard and count the calories. Makes it impossible to lose weight. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[Esthylove]

Hey y'all,

Just stepping in to say, if you were wondering why the topic creator is now banned, its because its a new account of a user we have had to ban repeatedly in the past for causing problems.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to message me!  :flowers:

Oooooh. Well oops I just saw this.

 

[pokeballssohard]

Edit: Woah. Didn't see that. I had a huge post and everything.

 

[kawaiisofoxy]

If anyone has a reply they'd still like to share, please feel free! I think there are members here that do have a strained relationship with their parents (although maybe not to this extent), and much of the advice given has been valuable and well thought out. Just because the thread starter is a troublemaker doesn't mean we can't discuss the issue.

And thank you to everyone who has shared their stories and advice so far. I'm constantly amazed by the wisdom and empathy of the lovely MuT ladies!

 

[Esthylove]

Edit: Woah. Didn't see that. I had a huge post and everything.

Don't you hate that? Or when you type a long reply then change your mind on what to say. lol

 

[Courtnee]

Don't you hate that? Or when you type a long reply then change your mind on what to say. lol

I know I hate it!!!

Anyways, I was going to say to her before I found out that she was a “troublemaker” that maybe there might be some outstanding issues that they don't realise could be covering up with the “weight thingy”.

Either way, good luck to anyone who has problems with family. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 

[Lois F. Loy]

You do not pick your family. You pick your friends. Lean on them at this time. You can return the favour later. It IS emotional blackmail. Stop going out of your way to please them or have any contact. Do not play this game with them. It is unhealthy. If they see that you have made no effort to contact them, they may start thinking "OK, well this plan/game/trick, is not working, maybe we should see what she is up to." Have them come to you. 

It is disgusting behaviour by them, really abhorrent and they ought to be ashamed of themselves. 

 

[LittlePinky82]

I agree this is emotional black mail. They may think they're helping you but they aren't. Losing weight is tough both physically and emotionally. Everyone who loses weight deserves a support system of some type...not this. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Personally, if my parents did that to me I'd be very hurt and wouldn't feel good talking again. :-\ 

 

[Maria Candy]

I would like to suggest that you talk to a counselor about how to deal with this situation.  What your parents are doing is emotional blackmail.  Maybe you could convince your parents to see the counselor with you also, if they won't go, you should talk to a professional just to deal with the stress of their enormous lack of understanding. 

You deserve unconditonal love from your parents and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  

Yes, I agree with this advice. you should try it.

 

[Bflopolska]

I agree this is emotional black mail. They may think they're helping you but they aren't. Losing weight is tough both physically and emotionally. Everyone who loses weight deserves a support system of some type...not this. /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Personally, if my parents did that to me I'd be very hurt and wouldn't feel good talking again. :-\

My in-laws have picked up where my parents left off, and over the past 12 years have been pretty mean about my weight. I lost 110 pounds and it's still not good enough, evidenced by the diet books I receive for holiday gifts (which to me is a kind of bullying-via-humiliation.) We have essentially cut off contact.

 

[Courtnee]

You Ladies, are supper supportive, but this member who posted and made this thread is no longer active on this site at all... If you wish to carry on expressing and sharing you thoughts and feelings, that is fine, but I just wanted to let you know, in case you thought you were helping her, only, when she isn't here. :flowers: :flowers: :flowers:

 

[bellalore]

I know this thread was started back in June, but I found it really interesting.  I wonder what happened to PerfumedDog and if she was able to build her relationship with her parents again...so sad.

Great advice, though, from everyone.