Frustrated with a sibling

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I think some of you here may know that I have a younger sister (she is 25) and she & I don't really get along. We tolerate each other and deep down we would both do anything for the other but we just don't get along on a normal basis. I moved out of my mom's about 11 months now and in that time she has called me 4 times. Here is a synopsis of each conversation:

1st call (the day that I moved out in January) - she asked me if I had her straightening balm. I said no. She said are you sure? I said yes I am sure and she hung up.

2nd call (in July) - she called to complain about a fight she and my mom had.

3rd call (in late September) - she needed a phone number of a lawyer because she got into some legal trouble. This lawyer is a very good friend of mine so she thought that I could refer her.

4th call (tonight) - again,she is complaining about my mom. I ask her if she wants my advice and she says yes. I tell her that she has become self absorbed with my mom and that all that she cares about is her job. She admits it and sees nothing wrong with that. She says that it isn't just a job but a career. Then she starts saying that she "knows" she is self absorbed right now but wants to know why I think that because its not like she and I spend time together. i try to tell her that in the past 11 months she has called me 4 times and either she was complaining about my mom or wanting something from me. She then goes on to mention that I have never once called her. And I said, yes I don't call you because you and I don't have that type of relationship but when your a$$ was in trouble back in September who bailed you out... it was me. So she proceeds hang up on me.

Sigh....


 
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It is a shame you both don't get along in the sisterly way. Maybe invite her out for coffee?

 
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sometimes family members will betray before a friend will,pretty sad

 
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ah... siblings... you have the same relationship that i have with my bro...

 
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far out don't get me started on siblings!

my sister and I get along better than that, but god the way she thinks is SO different from me. I try not to let it bother me since she is moving out, it's not like I'll have to cope with her on a day to day basis, and of course I love her.

Her life choices dont impinge on me so it's the least I can do to be nice and try to be supportive, and keep what i think to myself.

Since you don't have to live with her or even deal with her very often, I'd try to focus on the good, and have the occassional (maybe more than occassional!) rant on mut


good luck!

 
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Originally Posted by pinksugar /img/forum/go_quote.gif far out don't get me started on siblings!
my sister and I get along better than that, but god the way she thinks is SO different from me. I try not to let it bother me since she is moving out, it's not like I'll have to cope with her on a day to day basis, and of course I love her.

Her life choices dont impinge on me so it's the least I can do to be nice and try to be supportive, and keep what i think to myself.

Since you don't have to live with her or even deal with her very often, I'd try to focus on the good, and have the occassional (maybe more than occassional!) rant on mut


good luck!

FWIW
 
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I totally know how you feel. I have a pretty similar relationship with my younger sister as well. I don't live with her now so that makes it a lot easier to deal with her. I just try to not get on topics that I know will cause us to fight. I try to maintain a relationship with her though, because I know that I would be angry with myself forever if something happened to her and I couldn't have a relationship with her at all.

 

han

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Originally Posted by farris2 /img/forum/go_quote.gif sometimes family members will betray before a friend will,pretty sad ITA^
 
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Sounds like she needs to grow up before yall can have a relationship, unfortunately. You sound like a good sister though, so don't beat yourself up about it because I don't think there's anything you can do to improve the situation right now. She'll just have to mature a bit.

 
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I'm the middle child and my brother and I get along, but my little sister and I we don't get along whatsoever. Actually we did when she was a baby, but then she thought it was funny to hit me, pull my hair, and start trouble for me. My parents said she didn't know any better, but she was old enough like 4 or 5 to know the difference. Since then we stopped getting along and she always stole my stuff. She doesn't listen to my mom and dad and gets away with everything. Right now we are ok, but we really aren't that close like my mom wants us to be.

You are a good sister though. So I wouldn't worry about it too much.

 
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i agree with the others. it's really sad you two can't have a "normal" relationship, but you're a good sister, so don't worry too much about that. you're here when she needs you, i think for the rest, that's up to her.

 
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Thanks all for listening. I just felt like venting and not keeping my frustration inside. I know that she and I will not have a great sisterly relationship. I just wish that she would mature.

 
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I know EXACTLY how you feel.

My sister is three years older than me (18) but not once has she ever been really, truly "nice" to me. She recently went to college but before that all she did was talk about her life to me. I just listened. Then she take everything out on me saying things like she was going to slap me...throwing the f word around. It was really hurtful. We she moved out, I almost felt relieved. All this anger and stress was just gone. Now, she's here for Thanksgiving. I thought things might be better, but all she did was talk about herself. I started talking about school and she just rolled her eyes. Later that night she proceeded to tell she was only here because school's closed, not to talk or hangout with me.

So, it was back to square, hurtful one. =/

My advise is to maybe call her and schedule something.

Holding a grudge and being anger with her will get you no where.

But, you DO have a reason to angry though.

 
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Sorry to hear about the frustration. As the only child, I can't really relate. I don't have siblings, but there are times when my cousins would get on my nerves. They would only call if they need something or advice in life/relationships. However, when I call them they'll try to get off the phone asap by making an excuse they need to go "do" something and will call you back...but never do. I learned to tolerate it. I know sometimes ppl are busy and have lives. However, I did confront her and said that I'm not picking up her call anymore. If it's something important she could leave me voicemail and "if" I do have time to call her back, I will. I have a LIFE too.

After months of not talking, we usually patch things up and let bygones be bygones. Blood is thicker than water...after all, they're still family. Luckily I only have to deal with them on holidays :p /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" />

 
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I agree with what alot of others have said, Marisol. Sounds like she needs to grow up. She's still pretty young, so give it time. Maybe in a few years things can change. But...sometimes our siblings are just different than we are and even though deep down you love each other, you may never see things "eye to eye". I'm kind of like that with my brother, although not quite to the degree you are with your sister. Families can be a ***** sometimes!! Especially now around the hoildays when we're spending more time with them and old things come up! Good luck and be patient with her. Maybe your influence will rub off on her eventually!

 
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Marisol, you are a great sister.
I hope in time when your sister matures hopefully that will change things for the better. I know what it is like. I have an older brother and I had issues with him about 6 years ago. As he has grown older, matured and now married we seem to get along better. I hope the same happens between your sister and you. Hugs to you!
Please keep us updated. Were here for you.


 
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i may be the only one who says this. *deep breath*

some family members are nothing but toxic, some dynamics are unhealthy.

if she is such a spoiled ingrate, don't talk to her. ever. again. It sounds to me as if she is simply using you or counting on sisterly love when it's her bum in a sling.

Would she do the same for you?

send her xmas cards or whatever but if she doesn't straighten up soon and quickly, give her the could shoulder or write her completely out of your life.

You know, people say blood is thicker than water, I have begun to think it's a lie.

"Oh,but we are siblings/we are mother and child..." etcetera, etcetera.

Worry about your own hide first, for you to try to help her when she won't help herself or even getting her out of a jam may be the wrong thing to do. If people see you as cold for no longer doing so, that's their problem and not yours.

Some people are slow learners and you may be depriving your sister of very important life lessons- I only mean that if you continue to be there for her, no matter what...all while she does little in return for you and is thankless to boot.

C'mon, she has called four times and hung up in your face on what, half or 3/4 of the calls? She must not need you all that much.

That's just my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

~mel

Originally Posted by laura892 /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know EXACTLY how you feel.My sister is three years older than me (18) but not once has she ever been really, truly "nice" to me. She recently went to college but before that all she did was talk about her life to me. I just listened. Then she take everything out on me saying things like she was going to slap me...throwing the f word around. It was really hurtful. We she moved out, I almost felt relieved. All this anger and stress was just gone. Now, she's here for Thanksgiving. I thought things might be better, but all she did was talk about herself. I started talking about school and she just rolled her eyes. Later that night she proceeded to tell she was only here because school's closed, not to talk or hangout with me.

So, it was back to square, hurtful one. =/

My advise is to maybe call her and schedule something.

Holding a grudge and being anger with her will get you no where.

But, you DO have a reason to angry though.

uh, look, she's oviously jealous...or esle she wouldn't minimalize everything you talk about or make the snide comments.she sounds to be quite a bully.

if she's verbally abusive, ignore her to the point where you leave if she is going to be around...

if she says she will slap you, be brave and call her bluff...'okay SLAP ME!" she either will stop threatening you or hit you, and then she can be dealt with.
stand up for yourself, youngster, no one else will!

if she hits you and she's bigger than you, tell your family to intervene and make her stop FIRST...if you are not taken seriously by the family and she abuse you, pummel her face into the wall or beat her upside the head with a large blunt object. Bullies don't respond well to anything but being 1.)punished by superiors such as family or the Law

or 2.)being out-bullied.

3.) having the bluff called so they can no longer make empty threats to intimidate you

take kick boxing or something for gosh sakes! be assertive!

 
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Oh sisters! Gotta love them! As annoying as they are! It's sad your sister realizes the issue and admits to it, but won't acknowledge she should change her behaviors and wants to put it off on you.

 
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I saw my sister this weekend for Thanksgiving and I sort of observed her behavior and she is just so immature. I just decided to step back even more than I already had and not deal with her. I know that it hurts my mom that my sister and I don't have a good relationship but I don't want to continue feeling frustrated and angry anymore.

 
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