Guys tell: What matters most forums

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Oct 22, 2003
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Huntington Beach, CA

For all their similarities, guys also display great variance. As satisfying as it would be to cynically insist that every man on earth is interested only in willingness to copulate, bust size, leg length and sympathy to scheduling issues during football season (in that order), it's not a fair judgment. Many qualities guys look for are intangible, so if you're in the market, be advised that most men value these features above all others.

1. Tolerance

This is often interpreted as "sympathy to scheduling issues during football season," but it's really much broader than that. Guys like what they like” whatever that may be, and it will certainly differ from guy to guy” and though they might make an effort to respect your feelings about their pastimes and viewpoints, they're not likely to change them for you. Guys want to be with women who don't roll their eyes when they head out to play D&D or insist that a visit to the shoe store is more important than hockey playoffs. Respect their idiosyncrasies and they'll respect yours.

2. Compatibility with friends

His friends aren't necessarily going to become your friends, but you need to be able to stand their presence. In fact, it would help if you like them a little, always remembering that they are his friends, so a certain boundary needs to be respected. There will be times when he wants to be with them rather than you, and if you like them it'll help clarify why. Similarly, a guy's friends and his relationship do not fill the same section of his heart: he needs both, and prefers when they fit together comfortably.

3. Honesty and decency

Men don't like being cheated on or lied to any more than women do. If you're a chew 'em up and spit 'em out type, your life will be a string of one-night stands followed by a bitter spinsterhood. You man must feel he can trust you without question, and it is your behavior that will ensure he does.

4. Independence

This is a tricky one, and it doesn't apply to every man in the wild, but there's a good chance he prefers to be with someone who can own and operate their daily lives. The complaint that he needs his "space" when a relationship sours is actually an indication that he feels constricted by your failure to manage your own affairs and respect his occasional need for privacy. You made it to adulthood without him; surely you can continue being self-sufficient now.

5. Comprehension of differences

Men, being from Mars, think before they feel. When men discuss problems, they do not commiserate, they offer solutions. This creates a huge communication gap in relationships, because a woman wants emotional support while the guy uncomprehendingly suggests a resolution. Neither side is right or wrong, but women are hard wired to be feelers and men are hard wired to be thinkers. Understanding that he is not being callous or short when he tells you what he thinks rather than what he feels will score you lots of points.

Men are complicated beasts, and it's no wonder that women still struggle to figure out what motivates them. We're all people, but there are some fundamental differences, and equally fundamental misconceptions, in what each gender wants from the other. But men aren't the shallow goobers they're sometimes made out to be, and giving them the benefit of the doubt in this will mean lots of potential mates from which to choose.

May 6, 2004
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Thanks for that Tony, i'll keep all those in mind


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