- Joined
- Sep 16, 2010
- Messages
- 1,767
- Reaction score
- 35
Last week I was totally out of it. I have so many plans for both my short and long term future and I just feel as though it's not taking off. I truly believe that all things happen for a reason and a very good cause, but sometimes I forget and I fall into the woe is me trap. I was totally upset last week. I cut myself off from everyone because I just could not bare to hear all the talks on who is getting a great new job or who is getting married or who is going on a fancy trip or who is sending me pics of their brand spanking new house. I just could not take it, because in my mind, I was being left behind. I had nothing.
Many people watch me from the outside and assume that I have this 'easy-ish' life cus I have no kids, live at home, have an ok paying job etc, but at times, when I sit and think of where I want to be and how I'm not getting there how I want to, I get down. When that happens, I stress about all the most RIDICULOUS things you can think about. All the high end makeup I can't afford, all the fancy shoes and clothes I want but can't bring myself to get, all the 'finer' things in life I seem to not be having. Things that just make no sense.
Today, one of my friends said he was going on vacation and travelling and I felt bad again. Like, this is what I want to do. I want to travel, do things....see places. But then, one of my best friends called me, the mother of my God child, and she let loose on me all of her burdens and worries and fears for her life. She has a temporary contract job that is paying very little, she has a child to care for on her own, her family is the WORST, her own enemy, not supportive at all. She called out her budget for me today and I asked myself how she survived. While I am here worrying why I have to settle for Sinful Colours instead of Essie or why I am envious of my friends who can afford to go out for drinks every single weekend, she is wondering how she is going pay for her child's drama classes or her driver.
I felt ashamed of myself. I still feel very ashamed. I know everyone has their own story and their own problems, but when I look at hers compared to mine, I feel so shallow and superficial. I can't wait to see her. I know we are both going to cry our lives out because when we talk about our problems with each other, we just happen to do that. I'm just still feeling so bad, not only about my shallowness but the fact that I'm in no position to help her.
Many people watch me from the outside and assume that I have this 'easy-ish' life cus I have no kids, live at home, have an ok paying job etc, but at times, when I sit and think of where I want to be and how I'm not getting there how I want to, I get down. When that happens, I stress about all the most RIDICULOUS things you can think about. All the high end makeup I can't afford, all the fancy shoes and clothes I want but can't bring myself to get, all the 'finer' things in life I seem to not be having. Things that just make no sense.
Today, one of my friends said he was going on vacation and travelling and I felt bad again. Like, this is what I want to do. I want to travel, do things....see places. But then, one of my best friends called me, the mother of my God child, and she let loose on me all of her burdens and worries and fears for her life. She has a temporary contract job that is paying very little, she has a child to care for on her own, her family is the WORST, her own enemy, not supportive at all. She called out her budget for me today and I asked myself how she survived. While I am here worrying why I have to settle for Sinful Colours instead of Essie or why I am envious of my friends who can afford to go out for drinks every single weekend, she is wondering how she is going pay for her child's drama classes or her driver.
I felt ashamed of myself. I still feel very ashamed. I know everyone has their own story and their own problems, but when I look at hers compared to mine, I feel so shallow and superficial. I can't wait to see her. I know we are both going to cry our lives out because when we talk about our problems with each other, we just happen to do that. I'm just still feeling so bad, not only about my shallowness but the fact that I'm in no position to help her.