I need help (pathetic sob story)

[Liz]

How do I make friends? I'm really shy when it comes to new people. So I don't ever just strike up a conversation when I'm out running errands or something. I don't work or go to school right now. I only go shopping, run errands, and go to the gym, so there's really not a way for me to meet friends since I don't see people on a constant basis like you would if you worked or went to school.

I don't want to get a job right now because I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like I'm kind of caught in a catch 22. I want to work for MAC, but I don't have any experience. I don't have any experience because I have no friends to practice on. If I work at another counter, it's hard to transfer over to MAC because of some Macy's employment thing that they have. I don't want to work at another counter for a year or more for minimum wage when I could have the chance to work at MAC for way more.

sorry for the long post. i'm just feeling down on myself right now

 

[wongy74]

Liz, are you just trying to run up your number of posts?!?!

LOL, j/k, posting maniac!

It's definately hard making friends when you're not in school and not working. It's just hard meeting new people today... people are more skeptical and hostile now. I'm not super social or outgoing so I wouldn't really be able to advise you, sorry.

There are some super gals here though that I'm sure will have tons and tons of advice! Like Gail! Gail is v. outgoing and sweet.

Just remember that we love you and would definately hang out with you IRL! :icon_love Keep your head up!

 

[Andi]

you don´t have to apologize for the long post-I´ve written way longer ones myself when I was feeling down (different story)

I don´t know if there are tips someone could give you on how to make friends, I have the feeling it couldn´t be hard for you cause you seem to be such a sweet person. so your problem is just to get to know people, right?

I had the same problem for years. what you have to ask yourself is: WHY are you too shy to talk to people? is it just your nature or is it because you feel they wouldn´t be interested in talking to you? if you can answer that question for yourself you´ve already come far.

I always used to think I´m the most unintersting person and that nobody would WANT to talk to me (I had a really low self esteem for years). of course that wasn´t true. when I started to realize that it was easier for me to talk to people.

ok I don´t know if this helped you at all. I hope at least a little bit. Heads up!!

 

[Liz]

Originally Posted by wongy74 Liz, are you just trying to run up your number of posts?!?!

LOL, j/k, posting maniac!

It's definately hard making friends when you're not in school and not working. It's just hard meeting new people today... people are more skeptical and hostile now. I'm not super social or outgoing so I wouldn't really be able to advise you, sorry.

There are some super gals here though that I'm sure will have tons and tons of advice! Like Gail! Gail is v. outgoing and sweet.

Just remember that we love you and would definately hang out with you IRL! :icon_love Keep your head up!

hehe. thanks jess. no i'm not trying to get my post count up. lol. i've gotten far, don't have to worry about that anymore. lol. you guys are great which is why i post so much. lol. would definitely hang out with y'all too

 

[Liz]

Originally Posted by Arielle you don´t have to apologize for the long post-I´ve written way longer ones myself when I was feeling down (different story)
I don´t know if there are tips someone could give you on how to make friends, I have the feeling it couldn´t be hard for you cause you seem to be such a sweet person. so your problem is just to get to know people, right?

I had the same problem for years. what you have to ask yourself is: WHY are you too shy to talk to people? is it just your nature or is it because you feel they wouldn´t be interested in talking to you? if you can answer that question for yourself you´ve already come far.

I always used to think I´m the most unintersting person and that nobody would WANT to talk to me (I had a really low self esteem for years). of course that wasn´t true. when I started to realize that it was easier for me to talk to people.

ok I don´t know if this helped you at all. I hope at least a little bit. Heads up!!

thanks for replying arielle. i think i am a really nice person and i'm not mean. i let people change lanes and merge when i drive! lol!
i think it's a mix of things. i don't know what to say to people. so i don't know how to just start up a conversation with someone i don't know. and i think that people already have their set of friends, so why would they want to be friends with me. it's hard trying to get into someone's group of friends. i think i have social anxiety too. lol. at least that's what i think when i see those commercials about it. seems like i have the symptoms.

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by Liz thanks for replying arielle. i think i am a really nice person and i'm not mean. i let people change lanes and merge when i drive! lol!
i think it's a mix of things. i don't know what to say to people. so i don't know how to just start up a conversation with someone i don't know. and i think that people already have their set of friends, so why would they want to be friends with me. it's hard trying to get into someone's group of friends. i think i have social anxiety too. lol. at least that's what i think when i see those commercials about it. seems like i have the symptoms.

that´s what I mean. you think people already have their set up friends so why would they wanna be friends with you. why would anybody NOT wanna be friends with you? that´s how I think and that´s how you should start thinking too.and I don´t think you have social anxiety...you´re just shy, and that´s not a disease *lol* and it doesn´t make you different from others. a lot of people are shy but they know how to hide it (like me *g*).

 

[Laura]

Hey Liz.. I know some of ye might not think it but i am TOTALLY shy when i meet new people too. You said you go to the gym, you could try going to classes at the gym you might meet people there. Or what about joining another evening class in something that you have a real interest in? Sorry to hear you're not feeling the best at the moment. You can always move over here to Ireland, i'd love for you to practice on me!!

 

[nydoll23]

Originally Posted by Liz How do I make friends? I'm really shy when it comes to new people. So I don't ever just strike up a conversation when I'm out running errands or something. I don't work or go to school right now. I only go shopping, run errands, and go to the gym, so there's really not a way for me to meet friends since I don't see people on a constant basis like you would if you worked or went to school.
I don't want to get a job right now because I don't know what to do with my life. I feel like I'm kind of caught in a catch 22. I want to work for MAC, but I don't have any experience. I don't have any experience because I have no friends to practice on. If I work at another counter, it's hard to transfer over to MAC because of some Macy's employment thing that they have. I don't want to work at another counter for a year or more for minimum wage when I could have the chance to work at MAC for way more.

sorry for the long post. i'm just feeling down on myself right now

I know how you feel Liz,I moved and it was so hard to make friends.One because obviously i didn't know anyone,and also because I'm 23 with two kids and that didn't make it any easier.I do think you have a great outgoing personality,You do quite well on here with everyone,but i know its not the same as face to face.The only advice i can give you is that you have to put yourself out there.When your at the gym talk to people,or if your serious about working for make take some cosmetology classes ,then you will definitely meet people who share the same interests as you and it will be easier to talk.

Dont worry about it ,I'm sure everything will work out for you,you just need a little courage

 

[Pauline]

Hi Liz,

Sorry to hear your feeling low but hopefully when you realise you have friends here you won't feel so alone.

It seems to me that there is a lot going on for you at the moment and you actually sound like a very ambitious young lady. I am sure that you will make some good friends (and if you think about it) you may even have a good friend closer than you think.

Rome wasn't built in a day, so be patient you will get there.Meanwhile try to comprimse and paratcise your mu technique on family and friends and anyone who's interested. I am sure there will be people queing up hoping you will tranform them. Good Luck.

 

[Geek]

#1 rule, NEVER WORRY ABOUT LONG POSTS!

Tony = not shy. It seems to be a level of confidence with me, I guess. I dunno. I can talk to just about anyone about anything. I am VERY Talkative! In fact, I don't shut up lol. Maybe this is why I also teach classes, who knows. I really think it's in my nature to be talkative, but if I sit here and think about it, it seems to be just my confidence level.

 

[nydoll23]

Originally Posted by charms23 Liz, I could never imagine you being shy! You're so nice and friendly to all of us here. I can understand how it would be hard to find people you have in common with since you don't interact with anyone on a regular basis (except for us). I read somene's advice before was to "fake" being friendly. Be brave and think that you are someone popular or friendly and act that way. It also helps to go where a lot of people go - say a coffee shop, or maybe even wander around a local university. There are a lot of friendly people at a university and I've even met someone there while just hanging out and reading a newspaper.
And for a start, when you're doing your errands or whenever you run into random people (say at a department store), you can strike up a conversation with them, even just talking about the weather or a simple "Hi, how's it going?" This will help build up your confidence in talking to people little by little.

Sorry this post is long - but I hope I helped! Good luck Liz and let us know how you're doing in this regard.

Someone on here was being phony?I didnt catch that

 

[Jen]

Liz, I can SO totally relate to what you are saying. I have been in your shoes and it is hard. I don't know what to say at times when I meet new people either.

When I was much younger, hubby and I lived in a town that I knew NO one and didn't work. Hubby didn't understand the whole friend thing (he is very outgoing) and he told me one day to just go to the mall and meet some people! WTF?!?! Can you just see me in the mall going up to random people and saying I needed a friend!

He understands now and wishes he wouldn't have told me that. Of course, I didn't go to the mall and try to meet people!

I did meet people gradually over time.

I'm not a big social person and certainly not outgoing. I am very nice and get along with almost everybody.

You do need to get out and get involved somehow. I think you'd feel better about your life if you were working somewhere doing something. Even if it were just volunteering for now.

Wish you lived near me! We'd go out to eat and go to a movie.

I know this info probably isn't really going to help but just wanted to share it with you.

 

[Sofia]

Liz, I know exactly how you feel! After highschool I moved 3000 miles away from home to CA for school. I thought I had overcome my shyness completely in hs, but I didn't. I knew only one person in CA and didn't really see them that often. School was still 2 months away so meeting fellow classmates had to wait. After setting up my place, I got very bored and depressed. I had no one to do anything with, talk to or anything, so I joined a gym and like Laura said, took classes instead of just staying on the treadmill. After a few days I noticed 2 girls around my age taking the same cardio classe, so I became brave and walked up to them and asked questions about what other classes they would recommend. I told them I was new to the city and didn't really know much about it. Then I also asked if there were any nice shops in the area, places to see, etc. One day after a class, we went out for coffee, and it went from there, it worked. I hit it off more with one of the two and we still keep in contact. I tend to keep to myself a lot and I think that's the problem. I don't like to leave my comfort zone. You just need to find something you are interested in and get out there and do it. The ladies on this site know what they are talking about. They had some great ideas, volunteering, the cosmetology classes. Just think, if you meet one new person, that person can introduce you to a whole new circle of friends. The first step is the hardest. To this day, I still need to force myself to take that step with new people whenever I sense I'm being too quiet or have no idea what to say.

 

[Amethyst]

For starters, why not take a class in something like something arts & crafts related, cooking or some kind of martial arts? Martial arts teaches self confidence and self defense. There are so many different styles. I know you're an adult but just to give you an example, in the martial arts school I go to, we've had shy kids that have become more outgoing. You could try Tai Chi or Yoga. Or take an aerobics class at your gym and then just ask someone who looks friendly if they'd like to get lunch with you afterwards. The gym is the best place to begin to make friends (that's where I met my husband!)

 

[Jennifer]

liz, all of the girls pretty much summed it up, what i was gonna say, but let me say this last thing...

don't think for one second it's you or that something's wrong with you.

got it? good!

good luck and we love you

 

[Liz]

Thanks everyone!!!!!!! You guys are so great. That's why I'm always on here. :icon_love:icon_love:icon_love:icon_love:icon_love :icon_love:icon_love:icon_love:icon_love:icon_love

I'm thinking of going into cosmetology school. there's only one around here, but it's not that great of a school. bleh

I'll try to open myself up more at the gym. It's just when I go, it's at a certain time of the day where there's aren't that many people, let alone people my age. There isn't really anyone my age. They're either in high school or older women. I'll try going to a few classes since there might be other people there.

If anything, I think I'm gonna try to go for a job at a MU counter. Even though I really want to work at MAC, I seriously have no one to bring in to do mu on for the interview right now.

Thanks again everyone

 

[spazbaby]

I'm not someone who makes friends easily; I'm told that I am intimidating. I am also not a talkative person, but I am a VERY good listener (and it seems like you are too). If that's the case, you could always consider (like I do) that you were meant to be a listener rather than a talker. People are flawed, we have strengths and weaknesses, and while you could still try to work on being more of a conversationalist, you might also want to focus your strengths into areas where they are useful. If in fact you are a better listener than a talker, you could volunteer at a women's shelter where people not only need someone to listen to them, but a good many would also volunteer their faces for a makeover. Not only would they willingly participate, but you'd probably find a variety of ethnicities and learn to vary your technique to suit them.

If you're like me, my other guess is that while you may not make new friends easily, when you DO make a friend you become very close and remain friends for a long time. So that's another trade-off, having few friends that your very close to, or many friends who seem to be not much more than acquaintances. There are advantages and disadvantages to both.

 

[lilla]

Liz, you are such a nice, friendly person. You say you are shy but I think you'll do great. If you go to gym regularly you'll meet people there who go regularly. I am very talkative so I am never shy if I want to make friends. Just say hi, good morning to someone you see at the gym everyday and ask how he/she is doing. Talk about the gym, gym machines, weather, and everything and before you know it, you'll be in set. Go to the library regularly and when you see someone often you can start making similar conversations. Go to park everyday at the same time for walks and you'll get familiar with regulars there

Gosh, I can't think of anything else but I know you are a great person and anytime you want to talk pm me and I'll call you. Promise

 

[envymi]

I don't know if I'll be much help, but I'll rant anyway

I've never been good at making friends, but I've always been great at meeting people(if that makes sense) Before I moved to LA I moved around so much that I had to learn to chat it up with strangers or I would have never met anybody at all. Sometimes I would go to a trendy or busy restaurant during lunch and sit at the bar to either eat or just have a drink. Or you could even sit at a coffee shop. The key is to make eye contact with people, especially where you are...the people are so much friendlier up there than they are down here. Check out some chill little night spots and hang out a little...I know you don't drink, but that doesn't matter much. I'm a little crazy sometimes, so when I'd get really bored I would kind of make up a new personality or a role if you will and be that person for the day to see what would happen. Even if you're shy, sometimes if you roleplay it can help get over the shyness. I've got a bit of a chameleon personality so that I adapt easily to whatever I'm surrounded by...worked great when I was acting, but it also helps in social situations. If you're out and about enough, alot of the time you'll find that people will strike up a conversation with you first. Especially if you're out looking purrrrty

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by envymi

I don't know if I'll be much help, but I'll rant anyway

I've never been good at making friends, but I've always been great at meeting people(if that makes sense) Before I moved to LA I moved around so much that I had to learn to chat it up with strangers or I would have never met anybody at all. Sometimes I would go to a trendy or busy restaurant during lunch and sit at the bar to either eat or just have a drink. Or you could even sit at a coffee shop. The key is to make eye contact with people, especially where you are...the people are so much friendlier up there than they are down here. Check out some chill little night spots and hang out a little...I know you don't drink, but that doesn't matter much. I'm a little crazy sometimes, so when I'd get really bored I would kind of make up a new personality or a role if you will and be that person for the day to see what would happen. Even if you're shy, sometimes if you roleplay it can help get over the shyness. I've got a bit of a chameleon personality so that I adapt easily to whatever I'm surrounded by...worked great when I was acting, but it also helps in social situations. If you're out and about enough, alot of the time you'll find that people will strike up a conversation with you first. Especially if you're out looking purrrrty

OooOOoo We need an RPG (Roll playing game) forum!