I've gotten myself into a right mess :(

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I've been friends with this guy for quite a few years now. Our friendship started out in a flirty nature, and has pretty much stayed that way for the time that we have been friends, though nothing has really ever come of it.

We've always kinda talked on and off about getting with each other, like him saying he'd like to kiss me, but nothing ever came of it. I kinda have the feeling it's just all in fun for him.

Anyways..to the point. In the last few months there has been some REALLY heavy flirting going on, lots of flirty/dirty text messages, a few naughty pictures here and there and lately everything has been very sexual, lots of talk of meeting up for a little fun. The thing is, I'm fallen for him. I adore him. I think about him 24/7, I get excited when he calls/texts me, I re read over his text messages, I love looking at his photos and when I see him I just melt. The problem is, I don't think he feels the same, Like I know he thinks I'm a sweet girl and I know he enjoys my company, but I think I'm just that to him a "sweet girl", someone he'd like to have a little fun with, but nothing more.

I just don't know how to approach the subject with him, if at all. I don't want to ruin the thing we have right now, god knows I want to hook up with him like he does with me..but I don't want to get any more attached to him than I already am..if he doesn't feel the same, ya know?

I just don't know how he feels? Sometimes I get the feeling that he would kinda like a little more, than other times it's like he's just happy with what is happening? We also live a little bit away from each other, he is down in Sydney, I'm up here in the mountains...really it's only an hour and half, 2 hours max away and our work schedules are opposite, but I would so be willing to make it work, I'm just scared that he'd use those excuses..

I've been balling my eyes out all afternoon over this, I dunno how to feel, I dunno if I should talk to him about it, or HOW to talk to him about it. If he doesn't feel the same then I at least want to remain friends with him, but all the flirting and everything would have to stop..but I'm almost scared to find out?

I haven't felt this way about anyone for ages..I'm head over heels for him, but I think Ive gotten too attached, too quickly. I feel like such an idiot.

I just don't know what to do/how to feel


 

Nox

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Hmm. This is very odd that he is engaging in the flirtatious behaviour with you, but hasn't made a move... though he certainly made his intentions clear of how he wants to spend his time with you, that's for sure.

My MO is that men, for the most part, make their intentions known relatively quickly. Before I got married, I used to keep a bevy of male plutonic friends... we didn't do any of that. I don't know what's holding your guy, could be a variety of outside factors inhibiting him from formally making you his girl.

You could slip in a question the next time you're hanging out with him: "How do you like our friendship so far?" Of course his answer will probably not be sonnets of love and flowers, but the choice of words can be telling. Make sure in potentially tense situations to never use the word "what". "What" puts people on the defensive, instead, use the word "how".

 
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I think you should ask him in person, in a park or the beach, if he would like to have more involvement with you.

He may be dying to date you but thinks he will get rejected since you haven't approached him already.

IMO men are terrified of rejection so unless they feel 100% they will get a date, they hld back.

One other thing, men are not afraid of ruining a "friendship" by staring to date.

So ask him out, but keep sex out of the first few dates so knows its not just about sex. - hope that makes sense.

 
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Aww, I want to have those feelings again. The beginnings are always fun!

 
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Originally Posted by Kee /img/forum/go_quote.gif I recommend reading "He's Just Not That Into You", not because I think he's *not* into you, but because I think every woman in your position should read this book because it really makes a lot of sense and can help women figure out if a guy is "into" them.
USATODAY.com - Excerpt from 'He's Just Not That Into You'

This video might also help you figure things out.

Yep! I read that book, and it's really good.
 
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Originally Posted by Carolyn /img/forum/go_quote.gif I think you should ask him in person, in a park or the beach, if he would like to have more involvement with you.He may be dying to date you but thinks he will get rejected since you haven't approached him already.

IMO men are terrified of rejection so unless they feel 100% they will get a date, they hld back.

One other thing, men are not afraid of ruining a "friendship" by staring to date.

So ask him out, but keep sex out of the first few dates so knows its not just about sex. - hope that makes sense.

Gosh I like you! You remind me of mummy so much!

(No offense by that comment. yr just relly motherly with yr responses)

Originally Posted by adrianavanessa /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yep! I read that book, and it's really good. I ordered that book!!!Still waiting for it to arrive. I figured out that "He's not into me at all," lol!, but I still wanna read it!

 
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Just talk to him. What do you have to lose? Just get the guts and ask him. It'll be hard at first but just go somewhere that you know wont put a lot of tension on the conversation. Good luck. Lets us know what happens.

 
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I agree with what the other members said. Next time you see him, ask him about your friendship in the context Nox suggested. I know easier said than done but at least you will have an answer. I hope everything works out for you. Please keep us updated.


 
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I would definitely talk to him. However, I would like to disagree with one thing. I have some amazing female friends and I'd be very leery about ruining a friendship with one of them. In fact I'm kind of having that very situation now. A distant friendship wouldn't bother me at all, but I do value my friends of both genders and I do tread carefully with my close ones.

 
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Reesesilverstar - you make me smile. I am a mom of a 14 year old.

But I still date so I have to keep my mind sharp.

Part of me is old fashioned and the other part is hot and hor**.

hugs!

 
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tell him a flirty message when he texts you something sexy.. right back. something like . dont make promises you cant keep.. .. or are you gunna get me all hot and drop me again.. dont kow if i can take it.. something small but flirty as well and see how he reacts. girl


 
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umm, i'm gonna get to the point because i had my share of these types of relationships in the past, and sorry but a couple of years of this? no he definatley doesnt want a relationship with you nor anything serious for that matter, unless your happy with this type of thing the flirting texting etc. then thats fine but if i were you i would start looking for a real relationship because this isnt healthy if you think about him 24/7, when there is no relationship, and i agree with kee you should pick up, "he's just not that into you."

 
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In all honesty, I think everyguy is different. There's shy guys, and then theres the ones that make their moves to get what they want. I dont know him personally but from which type of a guy he is, you can tell if hes interested in you or not/

How long has the flirting been going onn? if its been quite a while.. then hes probably just having some fun. I mean ive been guilty of just using guys to flirt with when im bored and etc,

if hes the shy type of guy, then hes probably into you


 
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He is a pretty shy guy..he's not a skeez, despite what I've already said, he's always been a gentlemen about it, like if I didn't want to flirt or if I didn't seem interested he would stop and not pursue it. I mean it's not EVERY time we see each other that we go on like this, there have been many times when we have gone to see each other and it's just been hanging out or going for lunch or something like that.

I spoke to him about it last night, he said he would prefer to talk about it properly in person rather then over the phone, so he is coming up tomorrow to see me. He said to me he always thought it was just ME who just wanted innocent flirting and fun, not anything more, so I'm taking that as a good sign
He also sent me a text this morning telling me he is looking forward to seeing me tomorrow. So maybe I was just freaking out over nothing and that he may just feel the same for me as I do with him. fingers crossed
I'll let you guys know what happens.

 

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