My husband and mother in law...Rant!

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My husband works nights like he leaves at 4pm and returns at 7am. Well yesterday my cousin called me and ask if I would like to go get my hair cut with her. I told her I couldn't because my husband was leaving for work but told her to ask about getting me a appt. with my usual lady, who normally takes days to get in to see. Well my cousin called and they got her in, but said I would have to call back and ask the lady to do mine because she was booked. Well I called her and she said she was booked back to back, but should call if their was a cancellation. I told her no I was just gonna ride with my cousin so I'd get something later. Well she said call her back and she might could squeeze me in. I called her 30 min later and she said yeah at 5 she could. So she moved my cousins appt to 5 as well. Well earlier I had asked my husband if he could go in work 1 hr. late so I could do this, if she could and he said yes. Well when I tell him I have a appt. he starts to get mad like he always does. I asked him to call his mom then and see if she would keep the kids for 1 hr. well she acts like she doesn't want to since it is short notice, but she is doing nothing...except baking a cake. Well she says yes, but I may be 10 min. late to my appt. Well my husband goes on the work at 4pm. I sit here waiting for her to show up, which I figured she wouldn't because the one other time I asked her to watch them for me she didn't show up. Well my cousin goes on to get her hair done and at 5:10 I'm still waiting for my mother in law to get here. It takes me 15 to 20 min. to get to the salon. Well my husband calls me wanting to know if his mom is here yet....Of course I say no and tell him to call her and tell her to forget it. Well he calls her and she said she is still baking the cake she was baking 2 hrs. ago and that when that is done she will come over. Of course he told her nevermind. I was very very angry that I called her so much and she agrees to see me then I can't go anyway after my husband saying he would go in late to watch the kids. I haven't got my hair cut since Aug. and was wanting to look nice for christmas since I lost weight. I'm still mad and it's a new day. I didn't never call her back to tell her I wasn't going to be there because I figured that since I didn't show up she would know. She asked my cousin if I was coming and she told her no, I was still waiting on a babysitter. Now my husband says to call and see if she will squeeze me in today, but I don't want to do that after not showing up or calling her. I'm so tired of this because he works all the time and none of our family helps out. Sorry to make this so long I just needed someone to talk to. Any Advice for me?

 
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To me it seems that she did it on purpose and hes like whatever because thats his mom.I would be pissed off too I know I would not want to re scheduled again is embarrassing you left the hairstylist hanging after she made room for you.It was not your fault I know that feeling.

 
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Yeah that is how I feel. My kids have autism so nobody ever wants to be around or help with them. I tell my family how I feel about them not being around them, but he won't say nothing to his. He just says it wouldn't do any good, he doesn't want his mom to get mad, and that if they were "normal" then she would do things with them. What the H*ll she should anyways. I feel if we don't stand up for them, who will?? And to know he can't say something to his mom kills me. Sorry to rant again. But yeah I don't feel right calling to ask her to get in me in today. I've really thought about just going somewhere else, but don't want to get messed up.

 
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I can see your husband not wanting to go in late to work, my husband would not have wanted to do that either just for me to get a haircut. But I do think it is rude that your MIL did not show up and knew you would be late. Sounds like she did it on purpose.

AS far as her saying that she would do more if the kids were "normal" makes me sick.

I have a child with a disability and my family treats him the same as his brother.

 
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That was very rude of her to leave you hanging like that, and obviously she did it on purpose. You should ask her to please not agree to do something unless she fully intends to follow through. You'd rather hear her say no to a favor than to believe that she is going to do something she doesn't intend to actually do.

 
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Originally Posted by girly_girl /img/forum/go_quote.gif Yeah that is how I feel. My kids have autism so nobody ever wants to be around or help with them. I tell my family how I feel about them not being around them, but he won't say nothing to his. He just says it wouldn't do any good, he doesn't want his mom to get mad, and that if they were "normal" then she would do things with them. What the H*ll she should anyways. I feel if we don't stand up for them, who will?? And to know he can't say something to his mom kills me. Sorry to rant again. But yeah I don't feel right calling to ask her to get in me in today. I've really thought about just going somewhere else, but don't want to get messed up. I have been through shit like this it sucks to suck up feelings sometimes.
 
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That's terrible of her to say that about the kids and she should have just said at the time she wouldn't watch them if she wasn't going to show. If there's any way to find an appointment again, I hope you can make it and get your hair done for Christmas, then maybe you'll feel better.


 
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Whoa...

That is rough... I dunno if maybe you could talk to him about how u feel? I know ppl are touchy about their parents, but I still think that bearing the brunt of it all isn't fair...

And I think you should def get yr hair done for Christmas. It'll cheer you up.

God's speed girly



 
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Sounds like she is totally self absorbed and does not care for you. It would have been better if she said she was not available or at least let you know she could not make it. Maybe you could have taken the kids to her home, as thats what I do whenever I ask my famiy to care for my son. (my son is Aspergers) I think its sad your family don't like to help because of your childs disability, its just an excuse to get out of helping and it shows their true colours. I don't know what I would do without my family.

Hope you get your hair done, cheer you up


 
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I told my husband if she would have just said no I would have been ok with that. It's the telling me she would and not showing up that made me mad. Then it turned into anger for her treating my children badly. We went over her house for early xmas on the 16th and nobody there talked to my children... My children can't speak but understand everything. Well all the other grandkids kept asking when are yall leaving. Sure their just kids, but the adults should have said something to them...so I got up got my kids and left. All the other kids got to stay all night, but my oldest wanted to but couldn't.

I really want my husband to say something to her, but he is afraid of making her mad or something. He says it won't do any good that it won't change the way she treats them. If it was my mom she would at least know how I fell about it. Believe me my whole family knows that the way they ignore, and don't come around my kids is wrong. I let them know that a long time ago. Nobody comes around my kids..when I say nobody I do mean that. We have company maybe once every 6 mo. to a year. We see the school bus driver more than anybody else. I just don't understand why he won't talk to her about this. I told him they don't have a voice so we have to be their voice, but for some reason it's like his mom has power over him and her whole family. He has a big family and none of them will say one bad thing to her. She doesn't mind putting her nose in your buisness, but everyone puts her on a pedestal.

Sorry about the Ranting... one to the news!! My husband came home yesterday and called my stylist. He told her what had happened and she said it was fine she understood and to come in yesterday. Well I went in at 11:00 and my husband woke up to watch the kids. I got my hair cut and for the first time ever I got my eyebrows waxed. It wasn't as fun as it could have been if I got to go with my cousin, but I got it done. I'm happy that it is just in time for xmas. That along with the weight loss, and my skin feeling so good from Clinique 3 step I started a week ago, my christmas couldn't get any better....except if I had some new clothes....lol My husband was wonderful calling to get me in for my hair, now If he would talk to his mom it would be Great!! Thanks for all the advice. I really need it...as you can tell my friends here at MUT is all I've got.


 
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I am so pleased your husband did that for you and you got your hair done. My son also has social issues and does not have many freinds, it sucks and I feel for you and your situation.

 
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Thank you all so much it feels good to know there are people I can talk to.

 
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