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Nov 30, 2007
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I'm very distressed. Exactly a year ago my husband left me to go on tour with his friend's band for 2 months. We had both agreed that we needed some time apart, still the fact that he left instead of working things out broke my heart. During this time I REALLY worked on myself. I did extensive journaling and reading, and made new girlfriends and gained a lot of confidence. I know it was a short period but i became a new reborn person.

When he came back things were fine, except for all the girls he had met along the way, and flirted with on texting and myspace. After about 3 months of me dealing with it as nice as i could with the new skills I learned things got better and we have been having a "happy marriage". But just a few days before X-mas I see a message on his myspace from one of the girls he met on tour and she was asking him to hang out with her cause she was in town. After some flirting he say he could not cause it was too far.

Oh man I was so pissed. I felt like a crazy person and I called him screaming, and he apologized, but I'm still mad as hell about it and don't know if I should let it go or what. I just feel like I worked so hard on becoming the best person I could be and he slaps me in the face with this.

any advice please i would love to read your thoughts

I think you're right to be pissed off. You're putting in all this effort to change and to make your marriage work and he's not meeting someone "because its too far". how about "no i cant meet you because i have a wife"??

i think you need to talk to him calmly and explain how you feel and that it hurts that you're doing everything you can to make it work and he doesnt seem to be putting in the effort you are.

For me it will be very hard to be with somebody from a Band because I know when they are in tour the meet difreent people especially women.To me it seems that he cares more about his band and himself since he left the first time.I know how you feel I know that feeling. I have been through worse stuff in my relationship and I hate my space because of the similar reason.I think he's a grown as man you don't need to tell him what to do he should know better to tell women that hes marry.

My boyfriend was talking to some "girl his friend dated" on myspace and he was deleting the messages. Well I guess I got to a message before him one day and it showed up the conversation for the days he had deleted. Needless to say I ripped him a new butt hole. Not so much because he was talking to her but I had put a phone contract in my name for him and he gave he that number and one night when I was home sick he was calling her. Add to that I had said I didnt like him adding all these girls to his page on a daily basis since I didnt realize his boss liked paying him to be online. Whoo getting into my own little rant here. Paybacks a *biotch though since Im talking to someone else behind his back.

thank you so much guys. your support makes me feel like I'm not alone in this "myspace infidelity" thing. ughhh it's so annoying. I appreciate all your advice.

I have to agree, I would be really angry. When you have a wife you shouldn't be flirting and texting other women.

That being said, it's reasonable to have friends and to speak to them on myspace. Only you will know whether your husband is just being friendly, or whether he is flirting. My bf discusses his female friends with me, and I've met them, so I don't feel threatened. If he WAS flirting, I would smack him up something savage

I would sit down when neither of you were mad, and explain to him that while it's ok to have female friends, but flirting is NOT ok, and that next time, he should say something like 'sure! I'd love to meet up. You can meet my wife!'

I hope everything works out. If not, then ***** slap his ass on my behalf

I have no problem with a man having female friends. There is a difference between a true friendship and flirting. The fact that he did not tell you about it ahead of time makes it seem as if he had something to hide. I honestly believe that most men (not all) don't view flirting as wrong. and maybe it's not if it's not hurting or bothering the other person. Me....I wouldn't like it at all. I think you need to tell him that it bothers you. Sit down and talk to him. I have learned that screaming and yelling gets you no where with a man and you have to explain why it makes you feel the way you do. When you are screaming they will say anything to get you to stop. Approach him when you aren't so angry. It may be truly innocent but it's all about your comfort level with the situation. I don't even think it's a matter of trust so much. You can trust your husband with all of your heart but still feel slighted when any attention that should be directed at you is going to another woman.

this happened to me before. i told my bf that i felt betrayed that he was communicating to someone else behind my back, and how would he feel if i did the same way. he said he'd be upset too, but he was just trying things out (as his excuse) and that for him it was harmless.

guys have a different term for harmless i guess, so better let him know. if he knows already and he doesn't do anything about it, then i guess he's not that concerned with your feelings.

you should change because you want to, not because you're seeking the approval of your husband...coz you'd just be disappointed if he didn't react positively to the change.

by the way, i like reading this book about relationship, the author is a guy and he has nice insights on how guys think: "it's called a breakup because it's broken." by greg behrendt...i'm not saying you should break-up but the book is funny and you could forget about your guy problems for awhile. hope it helps.


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