- Joined
- Jan 9, 2012
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I don't want to ask my friends this, because their responses will all be subjective, so I thought I would post here and see what you gals think:
I have been friends with a gal for many years. At one point, we were even roommates. And we were very very close, for a long time, almost like sisters.
Anyway, over the past year or so, I was beginning to feel taken for granted and was getting tired of always feeling as if I had to walk on eggshells to keep from pissing her off. I am not always the easiest person to be around, either, but people who knew us both were starting to say that the way she treated me was emotionally abusive. Maybe it was, but I allowed it. I take FULL responsibility for that.
Anyway, about two months ago, she was ill. We were walking into Walmart because I had decided to surprise her with a foot spa, since she had cast rather envious eyes upon the one I had bought myself a month or two before. She mentioned that "Oh, I forgot to go pick up my prescriptions". I said, "Well, let's go do that, then" No big deal, or so I thought. She insisted that it was too late, so I started googling to see if the pharmacy was actually open (love smartphones for those sorta answers!) She walked up to me and said, "What are you looking up?" I was honest and said, "The pharmacy hours--if we CAN get your stuff, we should!" She then snapped at me, "I TOLD you they're closed!" (As it turns out, they weren't) I then said, "Well, I was just trying to be a good friend, since you said you weren't sure" She then gave me the LOOK FROM HELL, and stormed off. And by stormed off, I mean that when I went down the aisle she was on, she literally turned the opposite direction. Okay....so I finished purchasing the foot spa for her (which I hadn't told her I was doing), and came out to the car because she had left the building at that point.
I get in the car, and asked her what was wrong and why she had reacted as she had. Her answer was that I had insulted her by saying that I was trying to be a good friend. I didn't understand HOW (frankly, still don't), so I asked her how my making a statement about my motivations was insulting to her and also apologized for having offended her, since that was clearly not my intention. She continued yelling for about ten or fifteen minutes about how I had insulted her and how " never said you weren't a good friend!", and when I figured she was through, I said, "Ok, my turn. First of all, I am sorry that I offended you, but I was talking about my motivation for what I was doing, and I don't see how that has anything at all to do with you." At this point, she cut me off, screaming again about how it had everything to do with her.
And that was when I lost it.
I very quietly said, "You know what. I've had it. When we get back to your house, I'll get my stuff, and I'll bounce. You don't need to worry about me being an issue in your life anymore." And she then ****** the car around, because she had been driving pretty dadgum fast at this point, to pull into a parking lot and continue yelling at me about how she hadn't said she didn't want me in her life, etc. EVERYTHING was personal, to her. Any time I tried to voice my opinion, she would start yelling again about how it was all about her. Finally, when she was spent, we went back to her house, and I left. I woke with severe neck pains and a migraine that lasted three days. I went to my chiropractor, who told me I had a mild case of whiplash....okay, then.
About a week later, she apparently texted me (although I never received a message from her, she told multiple people that she had). Another week goes by, and she posts to Facebook about "Well, I extended an olive branch to someone whose friendship I thought was forever, but at this point, I'm thinking 'f*** them and f*** the friendship." Several of our mutual friends backed her on that, not knowing that she was referring to me, and several told her that she should probably try to get to the bottom of the situation before making any rash choices. When the second group outnumbered the first group, she deleted the post. Admittedly, I did something passive-aggressive when I saw this. I posted to my own FB wall that "There are three sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the medical records." She still (to my knowledge) isn't aware of the whiplash.
This happened about a week an a half prior to Thanksgiving. I texted her once to see if she wanted to go to Plato's Closet and she said she had to be somewhere. I texted back to say that the invitation was open for another time and left it at that. I have not, in the intervening months, talked smack about her at all, although she has apparently felt the need to do so about me. VERY few people know what went down, because I don't feel the need to make our friends choose sides. Anyway, today, I texted her to invite her to a drag show tomorrow night. She has not responded, and because I'm feeling rather like this needs to be settled one way or another (closure feels good, as does getting stuff straightened out--I'm actually ambivalent about which outcome at this point, although I do want it resolved one way or the other), I texted her roommate to say that I was considering coming by to extend the invitation IN PERSON (the roommate was there the night it happened, and feels like I am in the right, although I have tried very hard to leave HER out of this). The roommate's response was this, "IDK. If this helps, she mentioned that you texted her. I asked if she replied (obviously not). And then she said she didn't because it was "too random" because you never text to say how are you. And I said that maybe that's your way of doing it and she just said no. She doesn't like that you "act like nothing has happened.""
So, should I just defriend her on Facebook, delete her phone number, and be done with her completely, or should I take my chances by going over in person to try to sort things out? If I do go over there, chances are that she will be snippy, which will give me closure in one sense, at least, because then I will know that there IS no resolution. It's the "hanging" that's killin' me. I'm completely at a loss. Any thoughts, guys? What would y'all do?
I have been friends with a gal for many years. At one point, we were even roommates. And we were very very close, for a long time, almost like sisters.
Anyway, over the past year or so, I was beginning to feel taken for granted and was getting tired of always feeling as if I had to walk on eggshells to keep from pissing her off. I am not always the easiest person to be around, either, but people who knew us both were starting to say that the way she treated me was emotionally abusive. Maybe it was, but I allowed it. I take FULL responsibility for that.
Anyway, about two months ago, she was ill. We were walking into Walmart because I had decided to surprise her with a foot spa, since she had cast rather envious eyes upon the one I had bought myself a month or two before. She mentioned that "Oh, I forgot to go pick up my prescriptions". I said, "Well, let's go do that, then" No big deal, or so I thought. She insisted that it was too late, so I started googling to see if the pharmacy was actually open (love smartphones for those sorta answers!) She walked up to me and said, "What are you looking up?" I was honest and said, "The pharmacy hours--if we CAN get your stuff, we should!" She then snapped at me, "I TOLD you they're closed!" (As it turns out, they weren't) I then said, "Well, I was just trying to be a good friend, since you said you weren't sure" She then gave me the LOOK FROM HELL, and stormed off. And by stormed off, I mean that when I went down the aisle she was on, she literally turned the opposite direction. Okay....so I finished purchasing the foot spa for her (which I hadn't told her I was doing), and came out to the car because she had left the building at that point.
I get in the car, and asked her what was wrong and why she had reacted as she had. Her answer was that I had insulted her by saying that I was trying to be a good friend. I didn't understand HOW (frankly, still don't), so I asked her how my making a statement about my motivations was insulting to her and also apologized for having offended her, since that was clearly not my intention. She continued yelling for about ten or fifteen minutes about how I had insulted her and how " never said you weren't a good friend!", and when I figured she was through, I said, "Ok, my turn. First of all, I am sorry that I offended you, but I was talking about my motivation for what I was doing, and I don't see how that has anything at all to do with you." At this point, she cut me off, screaming again about how it had everything to do with her.
And that was when I lost it.
I very quietly said, "You know what. I've had it. When we get back to your house, I'll get my stuff, and I'll bounce. You don't need to worry about me being an issue in your life anymore." And she then ****** the car around, because she had been driving pretty dadgum fast at this point, to pull into a parking lot and continue yelling at me about how she hadn't said she didn't want me in her life, etc. EVERYTHING was personal, to her. Any time I tried to voice my opinion, she would start yelling again about how it was all about her. Finally, when she was spent, we went back to her house, and I left. I woke with severe neck pains and a migraine that lasted three days. I went to my chiropractor, who told me I had a mild case of whiplash....okay, then.
About a week later, she apparently texted me (although I never received a message from her, she told multiple people that she had). Another week goes by, and she posts to Facebook about "Well, I extended an olive branch to someone whose friendship I thought was forever, but at this point, I'm thinking 'f*** them and f*** the friendship." Several of our mutual friends backed her on that, not knowing that she was referring to me, and several told her that she should probably try to get to the bottom of the situation before making any rash choices. When the second group outnumbered the first group, she deleted the post. Admittedly, I did something passive-aggressive when I saw this. I posted to my own FB wall that "There are three sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the medical records." She still (to my knowledge) isn't aware of the whiplash.
This happened about a week an a half prior to Thanksgiving. I texted her once to see if she wanted to go to Plato's Closet and she said she had to be somewhere. I texted back to say that the invitation was open for another time and left it at that. I have not, in the intervening months, talked smack about her at all, although she has apparently felt the need to do so about me. VERY few people know what went down, because I don't feel the need to make our friends choose sides. Anyway, today, I texted her to invite her to a drag show tomorrow night. She has not responded, and because I'm feeling rather like this needs to be settled one way or another (closure feels good, as does getting stuff straightened out--I'm actually ambivalent about which outcome at this point, although I do want it resolved one way or the other), I texted her roommate to say that I was considering coming by to extend the invitation IN PERSON (the roommate was there the night it happened, and feels like I am in the right, although I have tried very hard to leave HER out of this). The roommate's response was this, "IDK. If this helps, she mentioned that you texted her. I asked if she replied (obviously not). And then she said she didn't because it was "too random" because you never text to say how are you. And I said that maybe that's your way of doing it and she just said no. She doesn't like that you "act like nothing has happened.""
So, should I just defriend her on Facebook, delete her phone number, and be done with her completely, or should I take my chances by going over in person to try to sort things out? If I do go over there, chances are that she will be snippy, which will give me closure in one sense, at least, because then I will know that there IS no resolution. It's the "hanging" that's killin' me. I'm completely at a loss. Any thoughts, guys? What would y'all do?
/emoticons/
