RANT - roomie stealing food and lying about it

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Feb 5, 2008
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For background, I live with my boyfriend and a roommate, a friend who I have known since 4th grade. She has always been the type to get what she wants - youngest girl in a family and her parents to this day pay for many things for her, including her phone bills, even though she is approaching her mid-twenties, and she tends to get very defensive if you get even mildly confrontational with her. Or even if you say something she doesn't like but you are trying hard not to be confrontational, she still takes it that way.... anyways despite all that we get along for the most part and always have, and have all lived together for several years.

But on many occasions it has been suspected, or in other cases blatantly obvious, that she was eating our food without asking us, and when it was explicitly obvious she was not allowed to. We agreed when we started living together to share basics like milk and butter, but that the rest was for ourselves and not for sharing. But as I said, on several occasions it was obvious without a doubt she was eating our food, and on other occasions we were almost certain she did. And we have confronted her about it, and given her a chance to admit to it. I believe one time she did fess up to it and we told her not to do that again, if she wants something, she can ask.

But recently we've been noticing food going missing again... and today another blatant example occured. I bought some chips yesterday and ate a bunch of them, got a little carried away while reading a book... I noticed I was going a little crazy but stopped myself while there was still enough for a decent sized (personal) bowl of chips, put a clip on them and put them in the kitchen to save for my boyfriend so he could have some. I went to bed (at this point my BF was already sleeping). We both got up early the next morning and went to work. When I got home that evening, my BF wasn't home yet, but I noticed the bag of chips was in the garbage. I texted him to ask if he had eaten the chips that morning and I just hadn't seen him do it, but he said no.

So right there I knew she ate them.... but still, when my boyfriend asked her about it, she got all defensive and said she was cleaning up in the kitchen and the bag was "practically empty" so she just threw it out. Funny thing though that I knew for a fact there was enough for another bowl in there... and that the kitchen (which was messy and needed to be cleaned) was EXACTLY as messy as it had been when I left that morning for work, except for our missing chip bag. The same clean dishes were waiting to be put away in the dishwasher, the same dishes were in the sink and on the counter, and in the drainrack, the garbage was still full and ready to be changed. The counters had the same crap that needed to be put away sitting there. Not a thing was "cleaned" except for our apparently empty chip bag.

Just so frustrated with this crap.... it's not the first time it's happened, it's not the first time she's lied. The advice you always seem to get it just to confront them - but what to do when confrontation doesn't work? When they just lie to your face? And have the nerve to act all wounded and sassy afterwards like you falsely accused them or something. Unfortunately at this point financially we can't just kick her out, unless we knew 100% we would have someone else trustworthy to move in - plus it wouldn't be easy to do that to someone you've lived with for years and known even longer. It's not practical or possible for us to lock up our food away from her. It's like we've tried everything we reasonably can.

At this point I'm just ready to start treating her food like fair game, if that's how she wants to be.

(EDIT: LOL I have to have a chuckle though that THIS post is actually my 1000th!

Uhh..your friend, but she feels entitled to take your stuff and have the nerve to lie and recommit offenses? Not very friendly. When confrontation does not work and they still repeat offenses, it's time for someone to move out, on, or both.

Having roommates is hard. I've had roommates who do similar things. It can be very frustrating. I would just sit down with her again and tell you that you don't mind letting her use something as long as she asks. Maybe explain that you arent paying to feed her. I've brought a pie that i've made back to my house before, eaten a few pieces, and then one morning wake up to find the pan in the trash. I confronted a roommate about it and she said her friend ate it. She let her friend go through our fridge and basically take what he wanted. I was extremely mad. She was a foreign exchange student at my college and didn't understand why her friends couldnt just help themselves. That incident really pushed my buttons.

Can't say I disagree MissLindaJean :( /emoticons/[email protected] 2x" width="20" height="20" /> if it were financially possible I think my boyfriend and I would have given her one month notice tonight.

soccerkidtlk - That's ridiculous! It's frustrating enough to have someone do it, and then lie about it, but it's weird when they admit it but just still can't see why you would be mad. Sure there may have been cultural differences at play if they were an exchange student but I'm surprised she wasn't prepared for exactly that kind of situation - cultural differences in things like sharing food etc.

My roommate, since we confronted her about this, has continued the passive aggressive crap in order to deny this and keep lying. She posted a status on FB saying "Cleaning up, not a good look?" and on Tumblr, which she knows I follow her on, saying "I'm really sorry I cleaned up your empty chip bag" - blatantly not meant as an apology to me (since she would have sent it TO me) but a sarcastic comment to vent.


Gonna start saving up money to replace her things once she moves out...

What probably makes it the most difficult is the longevity of knowing each other. I've had friends and strangers for roommates. Surprisingly, I found living with strangers easier; we were more cordial and considerate. Boundaries and all..friends would eat stuff of mine, borrow anything and everything from clothes to makeup and often times not ask beforehand, come up short on bills, rent, yada yada. That phrase, we hurt the ones we love most? Lol.. but also, your roommate has some personality issues you don't jive with, the selfishness, lying, abuse of friendship.. I was in a similar situation to yours with one of my childhood besties. I ended up moving out after several months and we're no longer friends, haven't talked in several years, but we still live in the same city. Sometimes, we think we know people, then we live with them lol.

oh god, the passive aggressive stuff is the worst, especially when they take it on social media. just don't be passive aggressive back--I knew some girl who got pissed her roommate was drinking her orange juice, so she went and spat in all her alcohol LOL. how often does she eat your food? has she changed at all since? are you worried she might be the vengeful type to spit in your food after confronting her?

would it help to designate certain areas for your food, and certain areas for communal food? when I shared an apt with a girl I didn't know well, we split up the kitchen space. one cupboard was for me, one was for her, and one was for communal stuff (pots/pans/rice/flour/etc). we never touched each other's foods though, so we never had to divvy up fridge space. 

Quote: Originally Posted by MissLindaJean /img/forum/go_quote.gif

Sometimes, we think we know people, then we live with them lol.    
couldn't agree more! even if you still maintain a close relationship, you see a whole new side of them. the worst is when a slob lives with a neat freak. when I lived with three of my friends, one was so passive-aggressive that she started covering the place in taped-on post-it notes like "LEARN TO -----, EVEN A CHILD COULD DO THAT". we were still all friends and everything, but it was awwkward.


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