relationship advice

[smallpuppy]

Please bear with me..I'm gonna try to not make it long. I have been with my guy for a year now..He's a good guy..like he won't drink/go to a party unless I'm with him..he puts me before his friends..he always wants to work things out if we are having problems..doesn't talk to girls..He's almost like a dream boyfriend! But here's the part that really gets to me: I'm in college and he is not..when we got together last year he was always telling me that he was going to take the ACT (it's been a year and it hasn't happened!)..then he works at Walmart and when he gets out he always has to see his friends..I'm serious it's like he can't get enough of them..to make stuff worse..he has a sleeping problem so he can't go to bed till 2 or 3 am! So he usually goes out till that time..I have a strict mom so I can't see him all the time..but omg! It's like he has no goals in life. Then even when we go to TAco bell..I always have to end up paying my meal..ok we are talking about $1.93 for a cruchwrap b/c I always get water..Come on!! He lives at home with his dad!! But he always eats out so that's where all his money goes to..He's so lazy! Everyone tell me I can do better even my mom wants a better guy for me..I don't know what to do..any ideas?

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy

Please bear with me..I'm gonna try to not make it long. I have been with my guy for a year now..He's a good guy..like he won't drink/go to a party unless I'm with him..he puts me before his friends..he always wants to work things out if we are having problems..doesn't talk to girls..He's almost like a dream boyfriend! But here's the part that really gets to me: I'm in college and he is not..when we got together last year he was always telling me that he was going to take the ACT (it's been a year and it hasn't happened!)..then he works at Walmart and when he gets out he always has to see his friends..I'm serious it's like he can't get enough of them..to make stuff worse..he has a sleeping problem so he can't go to bed till 2 or 3 am! So he usually goes out till that time..I have a strict mom so I can't see him all the time..but omg! It's like he has no goals in life. Then even when we go to TAco bell..I always have to end up paying my meal..ok we are talking about $1.93 for a cruchwrap b/c I always get water..Come on!! He lives at home with his dad!! But he always eats out so that's where all his money goes to..He's so lazy! Everyone tell me I can do better even my mom wants a better guy for me..I don't know what to do..any ideas?


If I stayed out until 2am, I wouldn't be able to sleep either. If he was at home, resting, getting ready for bed, maybe he would be able to fall asleep.
Also, if he puts you infront of his friends, then why is he going with them and not you or at least seeing you at your house or something INSTEAD of going out?

How old is he? Sounds young

 

[smallpuppy]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) If I stayed out until 2am, I wouldn't be able to sleep either. If he was at home, resting, getting ready for bed, maybe he would be able to fall asleep.
Also, if he puts you infront of his friends, then why is he going with them and not you or at least seeing you at your house or something INSTEAD of going out?

How old is he? Sounds young

we are both 21..we had this fight and he promised me if he wouldn't stay out too late! well he played video games last night with his buddies and he got home at 5! I know this b/c he sent me a textmsg at that time! that pi*****me off! he needs to get serious about his life!

 

[Geek]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy

we are both 21..we had this fight and he promised me if he wouldn't stay out too late! well he played video games last night with his buddies and he got home at 5! I know this b/c he sent me a textmsg at that time! that pi*****me off! he needs to get serious about his life!


Uh oh, 21 years old and playing video games until 5am? DING DING DING....UH OH ALERT!

 

[monniej]

you just can't make someone be who they aren't and just because you're ready to be serious doesn't mean that he is. heed the signs!

Originally Posted by smallpuppy we are both 21..we had this fight and he promised me if he wouldn't stay out too late! well he played video games last night with his buddies and he got home at 5! I know this b/c he sent me a textmsg at that time! that pi*****me off! he needs to get serious about his life!

 

[tashbash]

Oh wow! I was dating someone like that once but we were only 16!!! Sounds to me like he has no goals and has no desire to set any for himself. If you want to try to make it work, I would definately talk to him and see how he feels about things and let him know EXACTLY how you feel. If he sees it as not a problem....there's your answer: not ready to mature. And if you can't be happy with someone like that, then move on. You're only 21 and there are PLENTY other guys out there for you to be wasting your time on him.

 

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by monniej you just can't make someone be who they aren't and just because you're ready to be serious doesn't mean that he is. heed the signs! i totally agree with this!

 

[Andi]

Originally Posted by Jennifer i totally agree with this! me too.what about taking a relationship break for a while if he doesn´t get his own life? maybe he might realize he has to get off his lazy ass, grow up and try his hardest to get you back?

but: on the other hand relationship breaks are tough, and might not work for a lot of people.

 

[erica_1020]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy Please bear with me..I'm gonna try to not make it long. I have been with my guy for a year now..He's a good guy..like he won't drink/go to a party unless I'm with him..he puts me before his friends..he always wants to work things out if we are having problems..doesn't talk to girls..He's almost like a dream boyfriend! But here's the part that really gets to me: I'm in college and he is not..when we got together last year he was always telling me that he was going to take the ACT (it's been a year and it hasn't happened!)..then he works at Walmart and when he gets out he always has to see his friends..I'm serious it's like he can't get enough of them..to make stuff worse..he has a sleeping problem so he can't go to bed till 2 or 3 am! So he usually goes out till that time..I have a strict mom so I can't see him all the time..but omg! It's like he has no goals in life. Then even when we go to TAco bell..I always have to end up paying my meal..ok we are talking about $1.93 for a cruchwrap b/c I always get water..Come on!! He lives at home with his dad!! But he always eats out so that's where all his money goes to..He's so lazy! Everyone tell me I can do better even my mom wants a better guy for me..I don't know what to do..any ideas? It sounds to me like he is not into moving on or motivated to do (better). Trust your instinct. I was married a couple years ago and very into education and higher ed. My husband hasn't finished school although he said he would. He just doesn't have the same drive as me, and that does bother me. I should have waited to get married, but then I might not be married now, and I do love him tons.

So if this is really a big deal for you, talk to him and really know what you want from him

 

[smallpuppy]

Originally Posted by Tony(admin) Uh oh, 21 years old and playing video games until 5am? DING DING DING....UH OH ALERT! hahahaha!!!

 

[smallpuppy]

Thanks for that! I understand I can't make someone be like I want them to be..I talked to him and he said that he's trying..he asked me to please stay by his side..that I'm his only motivation to get serious in life..now I just couldn't resist! but then again I don't know if that is his excuse to not let me go..Gosh! I hate guys!!! THe whole male specie!!!!

 

[ALLY2383]

i have been going through the same thing w/ my boyfriend of 6 years. i have been giving him the same speech for years ever since he decided he was not going to finish college and do real estate. well that was 3 years ago and he is still working for his family business. he will be 23 next month and I'm like time to grow up and get a real job in his mind he is still 17. finally a little over a week ago he was tired of hearing my mouth and i was tired of yelling about it so we broke up. so my advice is get out while you can. I WISH I WOULD OF DONE IT SOONER!!!!!!

 

[K*O*]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy Please bear with me..I'm gonna try to not make it long. I have been with my guy for a year now..He's a good guy..like he won't drink/go to a party unless I'm with him..he puts me before his friends..he always wants to work things out if we are having problems..doesn't talk to girls..He's almost like a dream boyfriend! But here's the part that really gets to me: I'm in college and he is not..when we got together last year he was always telling me that he was going to take the ACT (it's been a year and it hasn't happened!)..then he works at Walmart and when he gets out he always has to see his friends..I'm serious it's like he can't get enough of them..to make stuff worse..he has a sleeping problem so he can't go to bed till 2 or 3 am! So he usually goes out till that time..I have a strict mom so I can't see him all the time..but omg! It's like he has no goals in life. Then even when we go to TAco bell..I always have to end up paying my meal..ok we are talking about $1.93 for a cruchwrap b/c I always get water..Come on!! He lives at home with his dad!! But he always eats out so that's where all his money goes to..He's so lazy! Everyone tell me I can do better even my mom wants a better guy for me..I don't know what to do..any ideas?

Listen to your Mother !! Mom knows best! I agree with her...This kid has got to get a life - you're just wasting your time w/this loser. At 21, you'd think he'd have some of his priorities in order & sorta have an idea as to what he wants to do with his life- This chump acts like a 13yr .old!! He makes you pay for a damn Taco, or your own food? Who needs that B/S ?? What's wrong with him? Why is it a necessity for him to constantly be hanging around with his friends till all hours of the night??? Is he doing coke or any drugs you know of with "these" friends?? Honey, put him at the curb, real fast !!!

 

[destiny]

yeah, my ex of 2 years also kept saying i am his only motivation in life. that is the dumbest and lamest excuse EVER! i don't need a freakin' wuss who's only motivation to do something out of his life is my constant nagging about it. Please! I bet when he hangs out with his boys (and that's what they are), he keeps complaining *oh my woman won't leave me alone..* Pussies.. Afraid to grow up and take responsibility for their life. Seriously girl, leave that sucker. I left mine 3 years ago, he still hasn't changed. He got worse.

You are a queen, and need to be treated like one! Never forget that! Find someone who is passionate about his life as you are. Men without ambitions are just not attractive at all.

 

[NYAngel98]

Sorry hun... but he's a 12 year old in a 21 year old's body... loser. Get out while you can - and still have your $ !! Trust me, if you were his motivation.. then he would've gotten off his a$$ when he first met you! He's not gonna retire wealthy and wise on a Walmart salary..

 

[sweetface18]

Originally Posted by ALLY2383 i have been going through the same thing w/ my boyfriend of 6 years. i have been giving him the same speech for years ever since he decided he was not going to finish college and do real estate. well that was 3 years ago and he is still working for his family business. he will be 23 next month and I'm like time to grow up and get a real job in his mind he is still 17. finally a little over a week ago he was tired of hearing my mouth and i was tired of yelling about it so we broke up. so my advice is get out while you can. I WISH I WOULD OF DONE IT SOONER!!!!!! i agree! nobody wants to date a loser with no goals in life....even if you accept it now, give it a couple of years and you'll be hating yourself for doing what you should have been done..

 

[smallpuppy]

Thanks for all your advice!!! Yes it is better if I get out now and not keep waiting longer!

 

[smallpuppy]

Originally Posted by Charmaine I hope you don't think I'm being too harsh, but I'm getting the feeling that you're making excuses for him even though he is hurting you. You say he puts you before his friends, then you say that when he gets out of work he HAS to see them like he can't get enough of them? And if he puts you first, how come he can't even pay for a relatively cheap meal? How long have you guys been together? Do you love him and does he love you? Also, you are obviously not at the same level in life so I think if he doesn't shape up, you're always going to be unhappy with him. Wow girl you know how to put words together! I have such a hard time explaining things..Well here's the thing I have a really strict mom and on the weekends my curfew is 12:30 and during the week I have to be in by 8:30 because of school. What bothers me is that my boyfriend is always with is friends when I am not with him..I know there's nothing wrong with being with your friends is just the fact that he can't spend one day at home by himself! We have been together for 1 year today..he really loves me and I love him too and it's soo hard to leave him! A lot of guys have left me because of my mom's rules and he's the only person that respects my mom and hasn't left me! ALso he doesn't talk to any girls and I love love that!!! Because I am really insecure about my self

 

[RubiiRubii]

Originally Posted by smallpuppy Please bear with me..I'm gonna try to not make it long. I have been with my guy for a year now..He's a good guy..like he won't drink/go to a party unless I'm with him..he puts me before his friends..he always wants to work things out if we are having problems..doesn't talk to girls..He's almost like a dream boyfriend! But here's the part that really gets to me: I'm in college and he is not..when we got together last year he was always telling me that he was going to take the ACT (it's been a year and it hasn't happened!)..then he works at Walmart and when he gets out he always has to see his friends..I'm serious it's like he can't get enough of them..to make stuff worse..he has a sleeping problem so he can't go to bed till 2 or 3 am! So he usually goes out till that time..I have a strict mom so I can't see him all the time..but omg! It's like he has no goals in life. Then even when we go to TAco bell..I always have to end up paying my meal..ok we are talking about $1.93 for a cruchwrap b/c I always get water..Come on!! He lives at home with his dad!! But he always eats out so that's where all his money goes to..He's so lazy! Everyone tell me I can do better even my mom wants a better guy for me..I don't know what to do..any ideas? I think you need that you need to find someone else