Tired. all the time. of everything.
John has been gone 36 hours....and I have been depressed about it every hour I'm awake. for the past months, he is the one I spend the most time with. The one I talk to, the one I lay with at night. and now...here I am in the bed all alone and he's not coming home for another 2 weeks. Ladies with men in the military.....I salute your with every bit of my aching heart. I don't know how you stand it. I also worry that maybe I'm obsessed with him? is that why I ache in such a way? I think its just weird, having someone ever present in my life cut off completely all the sudden. I'll probably be fine in 2 days...but right now I miss him. terribly. I just want to be held again.
I wish I painted more....I have so many ideas but can't seem to motivate myself to do it. I just sit there....staring. missing him. waiting for him to open the door.
My birthday is saturday. I feel like....well nothing. Hence the sheep. I haven't felt anything for my past few birthdays....its odd. hell, I fished with a nextdoor neighbor at the neighborhood pond in my 16th birthday. he was the only person I knew.
My schedule is so confused....I want to sleep, but I usually end up passing out from exhaustion around 4 am. its awful. I feel dead all day. I do nothing, I sit there, and then pass out
I'm confused about where my life is going. its tough. I also want to do my best to help John continue to heal from the scars past relationships have left on him....I just can't seem to figure out how.
I apologize for being terribly emo, but its nearly 2 am and I've had a long, tough day.