Originally Posted by
brewgrl /img/forum/go_quote.gif edit- crap this is long!!! i just looked at it, sorry!
I TOTALLY know my turning point. i had always been a very hard partier, and was totally engulfed in the SF to LA to Vegas club scene (although i tried to be discreet about it to my day job). and then i got engaged. well, it wasnt my engagement that changed my life, but the news two months later, the night of a big halloween party that we were supposed to go to, and get really really really crazy. blaze and i did a couples costume, i was the queen of clubs (which i had always wanted to do- that was my promoter title when i threw parties) and blaze was the king of diamonds (since he put one on my finger). well an hour before we were supposed to go, he looked at me and said, "jen- i think you need to take a pregnancy test". i wasnt even late. i was supposed to start in the next couple of days. well, after much fighting about it, i did, and it came out positive.
we had wanted kids right away and told everyone we were having our first one 9 months after the wedding date. but we did not plan on earlier... not after we had booked our wedding and placed deposits.
that night i swore at god, and cried my eyes out and i mean really really really yelled at god for not letting me have my wedding my way. i was very spiteful. that night i got really drunk, smoked a ton of cigarettes, and tried to numb myself from the hate i was feeling. (btw- this would be my last pack of cigarettes that i would ever buy again)
i wouldnt let blaze tell anyone until we spoke to our wedding coordinator. and when she said she could move the date, i started seeing everything a little more clear, and not so angry and life ending, started planning on making it work. we still had the big wedding and all that, planned for two months after my due date. maverick was born the week we had originally planned on getting married. he looked so freaking adorable in his little tuxedo. and i can honestly say that i cannot even remember what was so exciting about my life before him. i am completely opposite of that moment 3 years ago, it's crazy, and people who knew me then look at me weird and sometimes it makes me sad, but i know i have something so much more fulfilling in my life. partier versus suburban mom? mommy-hood, without a doubt. maybe if this had happened when i was younger or if i hadnt already done the things in my life that people say they regret not being able to do (i went to college, partied my butt off, traveled, and started my career)... and the things i havent done, well, lesson learned from my wedding, i can always plan around it.
That is such a touching story!! Thanks for sharing!
Aquilah, your story makes me beyond happy. Yay for hope!
Turning points in my life . . . hmm . . .
Well, I am a recovering self-harmer. A life of emotional and sexual abuse was not kind on me.
I used to have severely, chronic depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. By the time I was 16 I had overdosed 6 times. Both my arms were and are scarred up from cutting. On Halloween night 2000, slit both my wrists.
When I met Wes he knew my problems but loved me anyway. Because of him I found the courage to stop harming myself, even though I still struggled with depression, anxiety and the urges to self harm.
But one day, after a horrible fight with my mother in law, I went into the bathroom and slit open my wrist again. It was the first time I had harmed myself since Wes came into my life. I freaked out and asked our roommate to come in and help me clean up, but he called Wes in. The look in Wes' eyes . . . I'll never forget it.
I was good again until last October. When Wes found out I had harmed myself again he cried and asked me to never hurt him like that ever again.
The urges never really go away for a self harmer. Whenever something bad happens, I get that old familiar feeling, like an old comforting friend wants to give me a hug. But seeing my husband cry, and asking me to not hurt him . . . that was my turning point.
