Worst at home bikini wax story...loL!

Makeuptalk.com forums

Help Support Makeuptalk.com forums:

Nov 1, 2007
Reaction score
I laughed so hard I cried. I go a wax earlier (posted about the pain lol) and decided to research caring for such an event. I found this story of a womans at home bikini wax....I laughed so hard I cried.

No joke.

Can you imagine if this happened to you??!!

The first thing you should know is that hair removal is not my friend.

The particular talent of removing unwanted hair has eluded me.

True story.

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy,painless removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now

. ........

'The Wax'.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from

work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the

thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple

hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I

mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a

clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them

apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically

rising crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no

fuss. How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but

I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this

works..........................You'd think.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each

other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and

soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the

hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass.

(Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across

my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best

feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal

no longer eludes me!

I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin


With my next wax strip, I move north.

After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming

one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom

for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and

place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the

wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right

half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass

cheek. (Yeah,it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself.


I'm blind! Blind from the pain! Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to

pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP!

Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums? OK,

coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered

pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that

is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold


But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where

could the wax go, if not on the strip? Slowly, I eased my head down, my

foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be

on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the

ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun

living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby."

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that

is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big

mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the

toilet. I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down

on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.

Ass? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to potty anytime

soon. Your head just might pop off." I penguin walk around the bathroom

trying desperately to figure out what I should do next. Hot water!

Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in -


wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right? Wrong. I

get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture

prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.

Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is

having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub. In

scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So

now I'm stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so

surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's

never good to start a conversation with "So my nether regions are stuck

to the tub." She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress


She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking

cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the

giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the

number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where

the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at

XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd

just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know.

You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them

the truth.

"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the

wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies

than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and

THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to

other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the

lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start

screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations

from C and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the

hair is still there. So I shaved the damned stuff off. Hell, I was

numb by that point anyway. And then I put the box of wax back in my

medicine cabinet. Never know when a moustache might start to come in.

Tonight, I attempt hair dying


Jan 14, 2007
Reaction score
Omg that was definitely super funny. I recall something similar happening to me when I tried to do a bikini wax at home. No, no ass crack shutting involved but I definitely had dry wax stuck to my goodies and no alternative to removing it than inch by painful inch. There where dots of blood everywhere, it was slow and horrible. The wax is still sitting there until I forget how much it hurted and try again lol.

May 25, 2006
Reaction score
Wow your great with words(hilarious!!)

omg u poor thing

omg your so funny

damn wax crap kits

Opps! u didnt write this but nevertheless funny!!

Aug 2, 2006
Reaction score
Oh my gosh that's so funny, that poor lady! That story definitely makes me never want to wax at home!

Oct 7, 2005
Reaction score
lmao....bikini waxing definitely is not for the faint of heart....I tried to once and finally had to ask my husband to rip it off because it was WAY too painful to do it myself....but every once and a while I'll still get the urge to attempt the self-torture again.....I'm just waiting for the walmart nearby to start carrying the sally hansen brazilian bikini wax...I heard it's good and it works