I agree with everything girl_geek said. I don't think it's *necessary* to live together before marriage. I knew my BF so well that once we got married, there wasn't anything that was too surprising or shocking to deal with. Plus, moving in together after marriage made it more special IMO and something new for us. To me, getting married after living together would make the wedding/marriage seem less special or not that big of a new beginning or something. When I got married, I was really looking forward to the big life change and newness it would all bring.
I don't know, I just remember driving to our hotel on our wedding night and how we looked at each other and giggled, and I kept saying, "You're my HUSBAND! I am your WIFE!" It was all so trippy and unreal. It was fun.
This was 8 years ago, btw, and we're still going strong, so you *can* make a marriage work -- even if you don't live together before doing so! LOL
Anyway.. long story short, lol.. (too late for that, huh?!)
I just want to be clear that I am saying this is how *I* feel, I know that plenty of others (including some girls here!) do not feel the same way, and that's cool. I'm glad that you are happy in your situation!
I will stop rambling now!
Originally Posted by
girl_geek My husband and I did not live together before we got married, because we wanted to save sex for marriage (due to religious beliefs, which I could explain more but I'm not sure if that would be necessary). Thus if we lived together, even if we shared separate bedrooms, that would just be too much temptation.
Now if we had not saved sex for marriage, I'm sure we would have lived together to save money -- now that we're married we're saving much more money by paying rent on one apartment instead of two!
Anyways, I certainly do not think that living together is a requirement for marriage. My husband and I spent so much time together before we were married, almost nothing surprised us when we moved in together. What quirky habits that we did not see (such as how clean we each kept our apartments), we told each other -- he told me that he slept in his street clothes, I told him how long it takes me to get ready in the morning, things like that. I think the only thing I learned when I got married was that he likes to brush his teeth and shave naked right after he takes a shower.
And I can't think of anything he learned about me, but he probably learned a few equally silly things. We didn't even have to argue about chores -- when we were engaged, he cooked dinner and washed dishes every night while I studied. Now, he cooks and washes dishes during the school year (I cook on breaks), and I do the weekly cleaning like laundry and the bathroom since it's easier for me to fit those into my schedule. Granted, we have only been married for 7 months, but so far the only thing different between before the marriage and now is that now we can have sex.
Our relationship is otherwise still the same, we still communicate in the same ways, we don't fight any more or any less.... I really don't think that our marriage would be any better or any worse than if we had lived together first. But then again, due to our religious beliefs, we had faith that if God wanted us to get married, then he would make sure we were compatible! God wouldn't want us to marry someone that will make us miserable for most of our lives!
As for the statistics, I've never heard anything about child abuse, but I have heard that couples that live together first are more likely to get divorced. However, I have also heard that out of the couples who lived together with the intent to get married later, the divorce rate was the same as couples who did not live together. You could also argue that couples who do not live together are more likely to be religious and disapprove of divorce, so maybe those couples are living in unhappy marriages. And who is better off -- the couple that divorces (especially if they have children, divorce is almost always painful for the children), or the couple that live in an unhappy marriage? It's hard to say in general (although for a specific couple that you know personally, you might be able to decide).
Anyways those are just my random thoughts, you can take them or leave them.