- Joined
- May 8, 2011
- Messages
- 794
- Reaction score
- 13
Let's start off with the easy part. I am trans and have been dealing with it since.... well, as far as I can remember. I am now 27, and just now, I am trying to get myself to "love", but upsettingly, this isn't easy at all. I actually fear "dying alone" but at the same time, since I was born MtF, well, I like guys and it's like my mind doesn't accept that I like guys I guess. I have tried liking girls. All I think I see with women is the beauty *which might be envy actually* and the liking of the soft skin. With guys, I am sexually attracted, and I like the idea of being held by a guy, but I don't actually find the male body appealing. This means I like men, correct?
.... not here's another kicker. I am pretty sex-o-phobic. I've never had a drink in my life. I never smoked anything in my life. I never gambled in my life. I never had drugs outside of prescriptions in my life..... all around, I am a pretty "pure" person outside of cursing here or there. I don't see how I could ever be so greedy as to being with someone and expect a no-sex relationship, because that would be unfair to the partner, but while I am a sex-o-phobe, I also kind of "want" it too. The act sounds and comes off so immoral and gross to me.
I'm a wreck. I don't know what I want where my mind would be 100% at ease, but as it stands, I don't think I ever will be... I wish I could just get a push onto one side of the fence, stay there, and be happy.
I don't actually "expect" advise, but moreso, using the rant part of this board. Makes it better to vent.
.... not here's another kicker. I am pretty sex-o-phobic. I've never had a drink in my life. I never smoked anything in my life. I never gambled in my life. I never had drugs outside of prescriptions in my life..... all around, I am a pretty "pure" person outside of cursing here or there. I don't see how I could ever be so greedy as to being with someone and expect a no-sex relationship, because that would be unfair to the partner, but while I am a sex-o-phobe, I also kind of "want" it too. The act sounds and comes off so immoral and gross to me.
I'm a wreck. I don't know what I want where my mind would be 100% at ease, but as it stands, I don't think I ever will be... I wish I could just get a push onto one side of the fence, stay there, and be happy.
I don't actually "expect" advise, but moreso, using the rant part of this board. Makes it better to vent.
Last edited by a moderator: