What does marriage mean to you?

[AprilRayne]

Okay, is anyone else crying right now and wants to go jump into their hubby's arms? Marriage is so amazing! Whenever I'm feeling down on myself, like I'm ugly, fat, etc. etc. All I have to do is tell myself that the most amazing guy in the world thinks I'm good enough, more than good enough, and wants to spend eternity with me! That's an amazing confidence booster!

 

[Harlot]

Man, sorry if I sound jaded but I dont really believe in marriage. Church-wise I mean. I was brought up with every single marriage I knew ending in shambles before my eyes. And usually jealousy rises to a whole nother level and stuff happens, its a pain in the ass. No, you dont need know where Im going every hour, who Im going with be it dude or chick, how Im dressing. Eventually that will happen and its just a mess.

 

[girl_geek]

Originally Posted by Harlot /img/forum/go_quote.gif Man, sorry if I sound jaded but I dont really believe in marriage. Church-wise I mean. I was brought up with every single marriage I knew ending in shambles before my eyes. And usually jealousy rises to a whole nother level and stuff happens, its a pain in the ass. No, you dont need know where Im going every hour, who Im going with be it dude or chick, how Im dressing. Eventually that will happen and its just a mess. I'm sorry you feel that way, because I guarantee you that not every marriage is like that! I guess you've only been exposed to bad marriages which is sad

And actually, I would think that in a happy relationship you would want to know what the other person is doing and who they're with all the time -- not because you are jealous or want to control your spouse, but because you truly care for them and are interested in their life! Hubby and I always know what the other person is doing and who they're with, and it's no big deal to us -- we never try to stop the other person from doing what they want, we just want to know what's going on! And I want him to know -- one of the reasons I married him is because I want someone to share my life with! I want to come home at night and tell him about my day!

As for clothes, well, hubby compliments me on my clothes but he's never made a comment about not liking my clothes or not wanting me to go out dressed like I am! Same thing for me -- I may occasionally tell him to dress a little nicer for a special occasion, but otherwise he can wear what he wants!

Again, a healthy relationship shouldn't be controlling!

And might I add that you don't have to be married to start asking about or even controlling what your partner is doing all the time -- there are plenty of dating couples who have those issues! In fact, I really doubt that getting married will suddenly make a person more controlling, I think that at least in most cases, you would see hints of that controlling nature before you got married.... I guess sometimes people are good about hiding who they really are before they get married, but I doubt that's the norm!

 

[pinkbundles]

i think that although love and commitment plays a huge part in its success, i think there are other aspects of it that are equally important.

for one, friendship. your spouse should be someone you can confide in with your innermost thoughts and not feel embarrassed or guilty.

second, passion. remember how he won you over? the flowers. the quiet walks. the romantic dinners/getaways. the love letters. the long talks. all those things you need to keep up to avoid feeling a void when those things don't happen anymore or are becoming less often.

third, financial stability. nothing causes more tension than being broke or having just enough to get by. i don't know what else to say about it except that it sucks (single or married).

four, space. i love spending time with my hubby. it's the most fun i have. but believe me when i say that i also have the best of time away from him. it makes me miss him and it's good for my own sanity.

five, have independence. just knowing that you can stand on your own two feet if you ever had to is comforting enough.

there's more i'm sure, but these are what stand out to me.

 

[Harlot]

Originally Posted by girl_geek /img/forum/go_quote.gif I'm sorry you feel that way, because I guarantee you that not every marriage is like that! I guess you've only been exposed to bad marriages which is sad

And actually, I would think that in a happy relationship you would want to know what the other person is doing and who they're with all the time -- not because you are jealous or want to control your spouse, but because you truly care for them and are interested in their life! Hubby and I always know what the other person is doing and who they're with, and it's no big deal to us -- we never try to stop the other person from doing what they want, we just want to know what's going on! And I want him to know -- one of the reasons I married him is because I want someone to share my life with! I want to come home at night and tell him about my day!

I know that may be the reason why Im jaded and skeptical. And its true, not all couples have to be jealous in order to ask certain questions and stuff, but to me its wierd. Im not sure if anyone can really understand where Im coming from, Im just eclectic and wierd and Im very happy for you that you found someone that feels right, I wish you the best.

 

[girl_geek]

Originally Posted by Harlot /img/forum/go_quote.gif I know that may be the reason why Im jaded and skeptical. And its true, not all couples have to be jealous in order to ask certain questions and stuff, but to me its wierd. Im not sure if anyone can really understand where Im coming from, Im just eclectic and wierd and Im very happy for you that you found someone that feels right, I wish you the best. Hey, no problem, I am weird too, just about other things

 

[Stitch]

Originally Posted by cyw1 /img/forum/go_quote.gif A successful marriage means friendship, honour, respect, humour and sharing the same values. That would be it.

 

[Intrigue]

Marriage is important.

Happiness, trust, honesty, love, secureness...all go together

 

[cutee]

Marraige is an ever lasting commitment you make with someone

 

[CuTeLiCiOuS]

Mentally - being compatable, level or balance each other, open dialect, conversatating

Physical- attraction

Spirituality- love, understanding each other, loyality

 

[daer0n]

Originally Posted by Little_Lisa /img/forum/go_quote.gif LOL Awww, that's really sweet and it definitely sounds like there's no doubt in your mind you love Jeff!

I think marriage can fill a void caused by loneliness or despair. It can satisfy our inborn craving for love, companionship, and intimacy. While it can and does solve some problems....it will introduce some new ones too. This is because marriage is the blending of two distinct personalities that are perhaps compatible but hardly identical.

Every marriage has it's own unique challenges and problems. The question is not whether they will arise but how to face them when they do. Such problems give marriage partners opportunity to show the genuineness of their love for each other. It's these trials that prove the strength of a marriage bond. This is where commitment comes into play and provides a basis for confidence that, come what may, you will support each other.

Marriage takes constant effort and work and let me tell you....it's not always easy but it is very rewarding. One of my favorite scriptures from the bible that I think all marriages can benefit from following is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which says,

"Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

I totally agree with you both.Lisa, i really love the way you have put it, and specially how you said "marriage is the blending of two distinct personalities that are perhaps compatible but hardly identical".

i think your answer is by far the one that describes marriage the best. Also, that verse of Corinthians is my signature on my hotmail account

 

[ling07]

it means that you are stuck with each other forever, so choose wisely ,he/she better be pretty damn liveable

 

[Jennifer]

Originally Posted by ling07 /img/forum/go_quote.gif it means that you are stuck with each other forever, so choose wisely ,he/she better be pretty damn liveable lmao! nicely said.

 

[veilchen]

Originally Posted by girl_geek /img/forum/go_quote.gif I've also always believed that true love (and thus marriage) is not just feelings, but involves a conscious commitment -- a commitment to stay together and work things out even when you don't "feel" in love. If I had to choose just one word that described marriage, it would be commitment! That is just what I thought! Although I have to say that I can't speak from experience as I'm not married. But I believe it means having someone to back you up, no matter what. To support you and stand by you, no matter what. Even if things are not always perfect and funny and comfortable - this is the way my parents and grand-parents live their marriage: for better or worse, no matter what. I hope I that one fine day I can say that of me as well ...

 

[MacForMe]

I didn't read thru ALL the posts.. but marriage is NOT a piece of paper.. a "marriage" is the state of a union, up and down, good and bad, fights and laughter.. and the big one.. COMPROMISE.. Its being considerate of another no matter what YOUR wants are.. its fighting fairly and managing anger.. loving unconditionally.. I think you get the point..

I was married and now .. not anymore.. Because HE didn't understand half of that. It really boggles my mind when people get married and claim its for the "piece of paper".. thats called a LICENSE.. that makes your union legal.. its does NOT make a "marriage'.. Or celebs that are married and divorced faster then it takes me to pee..

 

[miss_makeup]

Marriage is a Paradise and a hell. Marriage is a dream and nightmare:-

a paradise when everything is fine.

a hell when there is a fight or affair.

a dream before they married.

a nightmare when the woman got pregnant.

there is nothing called a PREFECT MARRIAGE.

this is my dark opinion

but 99% is so true

 

[Kookie-for-COCO]

I am speechless for once in my life. I need to think. This is a deep one. Marriage is beautiful. A union of two souls into one. Sharing joy, feeling each other's pain, crying together, finishing each other's sentences. Marriage is wonderful--after 30 years--yes, it still is wonderful.

 

[hushabye]

Originally Posted by cyw1 /img/forum/go_quote.gif A successful marriage means friendship, honour, respect, humour and sharing the same values. right on................................

 

[FeverDream]

I look at my parents as the greatest example of marriage possible. If I had to ask them to sum up marriage in one word, I know it would be TRUST. My mom mentions a lot how she trusts my dad with her life, and that's a powerful feeling to have. I know that's one of the things they really value. They aren't overt and demonstrative with their love, kissing in public or having their hands all over each other. They just like to sit in front of the fire at night and hold hands, and it's the sweetest thing to see. I don't really know what to say about them, just that they are the gold standard for 2 people in love.

Unfortunately, I don't really see marriage happening for me. No man will ever be as wonderful as my father is - they just don't make em like that anymore. I know I would compare every guy to him, and they would all fall short. That's just one reason, among others, but it's a big one for me. I like being alone right now, and hopefully I'll continue to feel that way, so I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.

 

[La_Descarada]

A headache that I'm going to try to hold off on for as many years as possible?

It's complicated - from my POV. As of right now, of the things I've seen - it means:

1) A word

2) A promise

3) A ring

4) A document

And all of the above can easilybe forgotten depending on the people, of course.

I've dated older guys that, at the time, were married and their wives were none the wiser. Did they really show/express any remorse about what they were doing? Nah - not really - and neither did I.

I look around and I see friends and relatives and majority of them are in marital situations that I would not want to be in - be it a lazy husband who doesn't want to work, kids, money problems, etc. I look at them and I think to myself, "Why would you want to be tied down at such a young age, or any age at all"? To give up your life and dedicate it to a guy and have kids. And the kids - don't even get me started. I'm happy with just babysitting. I feel like there is no way I could totally dedicate myself like my mom does. And there is no way in hell that I would want to take orders from some man, having to cook and clean for someone else, etc. Granted, I know it doesn't have to be that way - but if it was - it's something I'd rather avoid.

I'm stubborn as a mule and I'm a brat who loves to spend money on herself. I like to work hard for the things I have and to earn things for myself. I like not having to answer to anyone or be running around every five minutes because, "my husband this" or "my kids" that.

I also avoid it because almost everyone I know has gotten married or had kids at a young age and I honestly don't want that for myself. It may be okay for others - but I don't want that sort of responsibility when I'm still a kid myself. Some of my relatives give me crap about being 22 and not being married yet - hell even one of my cousins last year told me I was a lesbian because I haven't gotten married "nor are you making an effort to look for a husband". They make it seem like a woman's goal in life is to hit puberty and pop out kids every year afterwards. Bah. Granted, I probably have this jaded POV based on what I've seen around me and the stupid things I've done. (And yes, those stupid, stupid days are behind me now.)

I guess I'd have to meet a super-ordinary perfect male that would make me re-consider and completely change the way I think.

I'm weird. Yeah. I know.